I'm 28 and a self-diagnosed Aspie. A little (er, lot of) background...
I've always known something was different about me, but I could never figure it out. I've always felt incredibly awkward socially, at least in verbal communication. Given the option, I am far more comfortable writing and reading than I am speaking and listening. So my preferred methods of communication have always been any kind of internet messaging or chatting over talking. My wife and I even met in an internet chat room. I never dated much and always just felt really awkward when I did. I never felt like I fit in anywhere-- I was a loner throughout elementary and middle school. I was well-liked in high school and college, but still never felt like I fit in well anywhere. I had a lot of acquaintances but only a few friends.
I've always been one who learns by seeing and doing more than hearing. Even now, verbal instructions are almost always forgotten or mixed up unless I write them down immediately. If someone asks me to do something, unless I start on it right away or write it down, it probably won't get done without at least one reminder.
But yet, aside from a few late homework assignments, I did just fine in school. In fact, better than fine. Teachers often commented that I was very intelligent. In kindergarten, I was one of four in a grade of 40 working with a tutor for advanced kids. In third grade, I was one of 6 in a grade of 30 in advanced math. In middle school, I won my school's spelling bee once, geography bee twice, and was in math competitions for four years. So any sort of a learning disability would seem to be out of the question, and thus no one seemed to be concerned.
I also have always had a short temper and almost anything can set me off at times. But I had figured it was environmental or possibly genetic. My dad could have a short fuse at times as well, and much of my mom's family has had run-ins with the law over the years.
By college, I noticed various oddities in myself in communication. I had trouble continuing conversations, almost never started them, and if someone came into a room (or I went into an occupied room), I'd wait for the other person to say hello instead of doing it myself. I almost never made eye-contact, until eventually I noticed that I don't do it and made a concerted effort to get better with it.
I first heard about Aspergers a year or two ago when a friend of mine (from that same chat room where I met my wife, actually) talked about having it. I looked into it and realized I matched a number of the symptoms, but also was highly wary of labeling myself with it. It seemed to be the new big thing that everyone thought they had. It used to be that everyone called themselves bi-polar, or ADD, or something like that, regardless of whether they did or not. A form of hypochondria, if you will.
But over time, I continued to wonder if this was something I was afflicted with. I kept looking into more of the symptoms and realized that yes, I do believe I have it to some degree.
Trouble with manual tasks? Yep. Never learned to tie my shoes or ride a bike without training wheels until I was 9 years old. Never had trouble catching a ball, but as much as I loved baseball, I was basically useless when it came to hitting. I could field everything, but couldn't make contact with a bat at all.
Touch sensitivity? Very much so. I am extremely ticklish and constantly tear tags out of my clothes.
Sensitivity to other extremes? I have a lot of problem with lights at night and try not to drive after dark. Not much sensitivity to tastes or smells, but some to sounds. I don't like loud noises at all and get very nervous around them unless it's something I'm controlling or enjoy-- I hate sirens, people yelling, loud traffic, but enjoy loud music (possibly just something I've gotten used to over time as a drummer). If I'm trying to work and there's a conversation or argument going on, it is incredibly distracting to me. Same with any other sounds-- except music. I enjoy working with music on, but I do get distracted by it. But I view it almost as a welcome distraction, if that makes sense.
I'm very literal. Teachers always described me as being "very matter-of-fact" throughout all my schooling. I first realized something was different about how I understood language though when I was a freshman in college. In an essay writing class where we had to read a short piece and write an essay on it, the teacher on a number of occasions read my papers and said he had never seen anyone take the points of view that I took in my essays, but that he really liked it. That seemed strange to me because I felt like my viewpoint was perfectly normal.
Intense, yet narrow interests? Certainly. While I enjoy sports, hockey is my main interest. And even more specific, hockey fights. When I first started collecting videos of fights, I kept meticulous track of what fights were on the tape, who won them, how many punches were landed, and other bits of information. I've since abandoned much of it since there are websites dedicated to that, but I still track very closely what's on each DVD in my collection.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned it to my wife that I was wondering if it's something I had because "a few of the symptoms sound like me." I described it, and it nearly stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked at me and said "ALL of that sounds like you! And you know, my mom always wondered if you might be somewhat autistic." I took the rdos Aspie quiz and scored a 134.
More than anything, this has been a huge relief, knowing that I'm not just somehow abnormal. A distant cousin of mine said on her Facebook page once "I'm not weird, I'm misunderstood!" I always felt that way and thought that was a great way of expressing it. And for the first time ever, I know why I've always felt that way. However, I also am wondering how it never was noticed until now, when I'm 28 and a half years old? How did all the signs of it just get flat-out ignored by my parents and teachers for so long? Granted, as far as I've read, Aspergers wasn't recognized until a few years before I was born, so perhaps there was just an incredibly limited understanding of it when I was growing up.
There are other symptoms that I show as well to varying degrees, but those are just the ones off the top of my head.
So that's me. Hi.
27 Nov 2012, 8:03 pm
