...Myself once again.
Well this is a reintroduction explaining a few concerns I used to have and some advice, I hope that this comes across as constructive and helpful. One other thing to note what I am writing about here relates to my own personal experiences and it may not work for everyone etc, anyway just read it and respond how you wish (although i would appreciate it if your response was not one of hatred or anger, and if it is please keep it to yourself.)
For awhile I decided not to use this site as I decided It perhaps was doing me more harm than good, and I tried to ignore aspergers and consider it irreleavent to my life.
This is primarily due to me feeling that I had learnt enough about the syndrome that I maybe afflicted with and I felt that it was only furthering any problems that I may have had as a result.
Secondly I became quite annoyed by how people on this forum typically would attempt to out do each other in how 'aspergic' they are, which began to grate.
Thirdly I disliked the bigoted grudges and closed minded attitudes some memeber of the forum had concerning those who they think are considered to be neurobiologically typical. Generally this I found to be aggravating as how can you define what is normal? And how can you be sure that the people you meet in day to day life do not have something like AS, ADHD, or another neurological or mental health condition.
For example in my time actually going out and attempting make friends down the pub (and subsequently actually managing to, although most people do think of me as strange) I was just casually talking to an acquaintence about going to a local city earlier that day.
When asked whether I brought anything nice I replied; 'Oh, well I didn't really go shopping I actually went to the doctors to get a percription.'
She asked why I had to go all that way to get a percription and I quite frankly replied 'Well I had to see this doctor to see if I could get something like Ritalin'.
So I continued to talk about how I had attempted to get high off it (y'know like you can with Coke) before I went down the pub and how I thought it was crap and it didn't seem to do what I thought it should or at least get me high. *1 To which she replied;
'Yeah I know that stuffs crap.'
Shocked and excited I began to question why she had tried to get high of it in first place how and why etc, then I found out that she infact is as well perscribed medication for ADHD and is like me 'suffers' from mild/moderate Aspergers.
This of course took me by some suprise as I always thought she was fairly popular and seemed to be liked quite abit.
So I think it is important to realise that if you have aspergers or anyother neurological diversion that you can't simply be like 'Oh I hate NTs they don't understand me as I have aspergers and I have such a hard trying to fit in and that they find it so easy to fit in and everyone of them hates me automatically as they all know before ever knowing me that I am weird and can never be like them.*2'
Ultimatley such opinions are ridculous and I am aware that if you have a problem like AS or ADHD do often lead to people bullying and rejecting you (as i have as well been bullied a fair amount) but that's not to say that it is simply because they are "NT" and feel that anyone with "AS" is weird and deserves to be hated, it's usually because these are just people may who have problems of their own and want to take it out on somebody.
They may chose to take it out on somebody who appears to different because they then think that somehow their aggressive and ignorant behaviour is justified, and if you have AS it usually means you are someone who obviously is very different in the manner you either dress, think, or act.
My point is that you shouldn't make a distinction between those with or without AS because you can't always tell who has it and not every person who doesn't have the same qualitties as you well hate you, and if you continue to think such things then you are probably making yourself more unhappier than you need to be and could be worsening any AS traits you have.
My last point is, that once I had realised that i could have a problem the best way to deal with it would to not get hung-up about it, but instead attempt to deal with it by hanging around people and trying to make more friends.
Which if anyone who has fallen into the habit of drugs or alcohool the best way to kick it is to distance yourself from other people with the same habit.
At times finding acceptence can be difficult. Some people have had a difficulty with my idioysyncratic behaviour. I had more than a fair share of people down right hating me and I lost some good friends.
But often when i found acceptence it was usually from quite open minded people who accepted and appreciated my 'odd' characteristics and I managed to learn alot about myself therefore improving my confidence.
By gaining more people I could trust in my life they were more willing to help me out if I had any trouble and support me.
A few dismissed any notion that I had anything like ADHD or AS simply because they didn't think it was fair that I should feel like I had something wrong because to them I am just 'Sam' and to them that means I am somebody who isn't always willing or capable to be just like any other person etc.
But mostly people have liked me because of my differences.
Many people have openly appreciated behaviour such as; speaking my mind, my at times different interest in music, my obbssesive interest in musicians such as morrissey (although some really dislike my interest in him, my closer friends who I hang around with down the pub often introduce me as 'Morrissey' or enjoy to talk about his music with me), my honesty about how I feel about anything or one (although likewise this has led to me being disliked), my ideas which are perhaps less conventional and my eccentric taste in clothing.
So ultimately with something like AS or ADHD I've found that at times (ofcourse depending on how affected you're by it and other factors) it can be helpful to just 'get over' it (which I know is hard) and trying to find a place in this world. If you happen to find acceptence I've found that you can rid yourself of alot of anger.
*1 this was last week, but this I've stopped messing around with it and taken it as directed I've noticed a dramatic improvement and no longer feel the need to use drug abuse or alcohool to feel better about myself. This is because I feel like I can be much more like the person I want to be as I have more self control. Another thing is that I feel happier as I am more constructive and since then I've had virtually no irrational emotional outbursts resulting in embarrasment or feelings of regret.
*2 note that this is a slight exageration of the views that I noticed, but you get the idea (hopefully).
09 Jan 2007, 7:12 am
