So hi. I am absolutely crap at these welcome hello whatever things, but here we go...
I'm not diagnosed with Aspergers. I don't know if I am one, and it never occurred to me until my mother brought it up. And has done a few times. It kinda makes sense, it kinda doesn't. And then there's a whole load of symptoms that I have that stem from other things I have (Bipolar II, And three types of anxiety disorder.). I'm an introvert. I don't see a problem with that and I'm not okay with people seeing it as a negative. But introversion doesn't always mean ASD.
So I'm looking for some answers or help or across, or whatever. I'd go and get a diagnosis, but to be honest, psychiatry in the UK is so flipping useless and I was hospitalised after trying to leave home before anyone paid any attention to what was up with my bipolar disorder/manic depression/mood swing la de da fun things. And looking around, it seems hard to get an autism/aspergers dx once you hit 18. Which I did, in November. I'm half not sure really, I almost think that the child psychiatrist, a psychiatric nurse, an adult psychiatrist, a psychologist and my GP who I've been seeing monthly (although more regularly when things get bad with bipolar or anxiety)would have picked up on this by now. But maybe not.
So anyway...I have problems with people. I get anxious around them, anxious about having to talk to people. Even knowing about AS, I always just put my "people problems" (as they've been called) down to anxiety. I prefer to be alone, but as I said, Im an introvert. I wouldn't have thought much of his, except looking back at my past when there was a lot of moments when nothing made sense to me, I simply did not understand the other person. I always felt different. As if I doomed to never understand other people and as if there was a big neon sign above my head that screamed "different". Now, that feeling isn't so much there. I don't feel so different from to other people. Still do a bit though, and there's days I like that (although In generally inn one of my hypomanic moods.) I managed to make friends somehow last year...how is a mystery to to me, but I suppose it proved to me that it was possible to deal with people normally somewhat. Spent most of the time doubting they were actually being friends with me because they wanted to be friends with me and there was some ulterior motive. And with one of them, I finally found someone else who seemed somewhat different and almost...the same?
We fell out. It's a long story, but I pissed a lot of people off this summer. We've agreed to be somewhat civil and polite to each other, which is an improvement, I suppose. Turns out she's an aspie. She didn't tell me, I found out. Whilst trying to find out what the symptoms of aspergers syndrome was after my mother first suggested I had it (I hadn't actually heard of it much). I don't know though...a lot of things she does, says and believes baffles me.
Interests...hmm, I dunno. Seems I've had them on and off all my life. I had an interest in trains when I was younger. Not sure why. Most on my interests don't seem to last long...weeks, a month at the most. And seem to be "interested" in seemingly random things. (The Israeli defence force, expats, how to dodge an army draft, payday loans, satanic ritual abuse and breakfast cereal being some of them). However, I am wondering if learning about Aspergers has been an interest. This seems to have gone on a while, and I've been looking at this forum for ages, other AS forums, blogs of people with AS, who have children with AS.
Sensory issues is another one I have problems with. Except I haven't had it my whole life, and mostly, the problem is when Im hypomanic. Apparently I had problems with that when I was younger, but then I was having ear problems and having a lot of surgery on them. Noise hurt.
I don't know what else to put. I'm sure there is more, but I really am not good at putting thingsl together. My brain kinda goes fuzzy a bit. Particularly when writing.
18 Mar 2013, 3:19 pm
