Hi there
I'm a 22 year old aspie from Flanders (Belgium).
I have a diagnosis of ASS, since june last year. My life has been hard before i got my diagnosis, and not easier afterwards. I am active on another forum for Aspies in Dutch, where I can post some of my feelings/thoughts/secrets.
I've kept my condition secret for the outside world. No one but my parents and brothers and sister know of it. To all the rest out there, I'm just the weird guy who will never get laid.
For years I've wondered why I was a bit off, a bit different. When I first got the diagnosis, I was kind of relieved. But now I feel it won't get easier on me. Life drains so much out of me. I sometimes wish it all away.
I have recently abandoned school, because it was unbearable with my condition to study hard, and to be amongst other students. It caused alot of pressure, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I have a job now which I enjoy doing (at a local supermarket). But I don't imagine me doing it for long.
I just feel empty nowadays, there's no energy in me. When I come home, I'm tired. When I wake up, I'm tired.
It seems like sometimes there are no good things to look up to. I know there are some, but they are outweighed by the bad things.
I want the people to know who I really am. But I don't know how to express it. I don't know who to tell it to first. What words to use. I think it would be easier to live with people knowing what I have to live with, but I might be wrong? Maybe keeping it secret is better? And if I take that one step, I cannot really go back, can I...
I'm an atheist. I believe there is just one life, it's this one. Theres nothing afterwards. So I need to make this life be worth living. "When will it change? When will I change?" I asked myself this question alot, before my diagnosis. Reassuring myself that that day would eventually come for sure. Now I know it won't. Never. I can't be 'cured'. But do I want to be? I'm not sure...
Since this is an introduction, here are some of my characteristics:
- I like music, I play guitar, I like classical music, but also metal and hard rock, folk, progressive and alternative music. I hate electronic music (dubstep)
- I like movies, I like knowing what actor plays in what movie and with what other actors and so on... Favourite movie of all time: Lord of the Rings trilogy
- Science and nature interest me alot. I studied biology and I know alot about living organisms.
- I am introvert, and keen to pile up emotions inside me. rarely these emotions erupt, but I can control it pretty well. I try to keep most of my emotions hidden from the outside
- I have never had a relationship, but I wish I was able to have one. I wish I knew how to do that
- I love fantasy games, favourite game of all time: Metroid Prime (Nintendo Gamecube)
- I love series like Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, House MD
- I love humour, comedy. South Park, Family Guy...
- I have asian roots from my father's line
- I have low self-esteem
- I am in love, with a girl who will probably never know how I feel about her. I have these feelings for almost 3 years. It aches.
- I love good food. And I like cooking.
- I love beer (duh, I'm Belgian)
- I really want to feel 'at home' on this forum like I do on the other one.
Thanks for accepting me here.
13 Mar 2013, 6:10 pm
