Hello, I'm a 17 year old Teenager, Jsyk.
I'm new to this Asperger's syndrome thing, but I've always felt Apart from most of the world in the way I think but I've never really approached Asperger's until a few days ago.
I went to a Autism specialist with My father about seeing whether I have ADD (I have heavy anxiety problems with College which has heavily impeded my progress)
He started to focus on Asperger's instead, and during the conversation he started to think I was normal, Until I told him I had forcably changed my behaviors over the past, say 10 years, in order to make a Workable personality for the real world which my true personality couldn't cope with, clearly. Then he was Puzzled, and he had to leave and I haven't spoken to him since, but will be soon.
But during that time and now I've done alot of reading on Asperger's and so far it's been Me in a nutshell, apart from a few things.
Primarily, The idea of a Non-understanding of social cues, I USED to have that, but I, as the specialist put it "Learned to play the life game"
I feel I'm still pretty bad at it, but I've learned over the years what means what in the most common situations.
And Reacting to things, Even when I was a child when a Topic came up with, say My parents that I just DIDN'T understand why it was important, Like her co-worker being lazy, I don't see that as worth mentioning even if It was a problem, it was solved there and then. In such situations my Default answer was to just Agree, whether or not I actually did, because I usually didn't care. and then I started to make opinion by, Imagining it was important and then seeing what I thought. this was ofcourse still based off of other peoples reactions and ideas since I was really only pleasing them in order to make life easier.
So basically what I'm saying is, I REALLY Strongly feel I have Asperger's, but due to the pressure I put on myself to become "Normal" I feel I don't really present, but these things are still a problem due to the Anxiety issues with college.
What do people think? Does the fact that I've kind of Scraped together an understanding of "normal social interaction" matter? because it doesn't to me. While It's become pretty natural to react that way despite my thoughts, I still kind of Resent people for being so expectant of me. (I know this is very dumb and very selfish, I'm very kind and patient with people in reality, I just have side thoughts too.)
I'm also interested in Hearing how other peoples Experiences contrast with my own, Since I learned about this I've been trying to Revalue myself with this in mind.
19 Apr 2013, 5:50 pm
