18 Jan 2007, 6:26 am
I've just joined WP. The reason is simple - I think I might have AS.
The ridiculous thing is that I don't imagine if there is a way to tell whether you have autism spectrum disorder, or not - at least in my case. There are no experts on autism anywhere around me, so I have no-one to go to. The other problem is that I'm 24, and many many people always think about small children when talking about autism, including doctors. I'm just wondering do those children ever grow up or not. If they do, why there is so little information about adults - I mean it's not like they are cured or something.
So there is little chances to get diagnosed in my situation, even if I have it. And I would like to know how does the official diagnosis go, from those of you who have been diagnosed. I mean what type of questions were you asked, what tests did you do? And still all this diagnosis gives a lot of doubt to me. For example if someone asks me if I have some specific problem, HOW THE HELL can I know?! If I say, that I have the problem, does it mean that I really have it and vice versa. How can I know what is normal, and what is wrong with me? I don't know how other people think, it's impossible to get in others head. What they say is just what they say, it may be complete rubbish and the truth might be totally different.
So basically all my knowledge about Asperger's Syndrome is from web and books. And I always get this doubt. When I read about all those symptoms and traits, it appears that I have them. On the other hand I might just imagine to have them. Like for example reading body language: sometimes I think that's compete nonsense, that I perfectly read body language and facial expressions, because I don't remember my self getting into situation where I could have problems because of that. But does it mean, that I understand it 100%? No, that just means that I THINK I understand it. I just don't know how other people read it, so I can't compare. And without comparing there is no way to say if there is a difference. Recently I've read somewhere how autistic look at human faces - that neurotypical people mostly look at some sort of triangle: eyes, nose and lips; while autistic can focus on any details. And I have no idea how to tell which is my method. This thing is done instinctively and I wouldn't have payed any attention to it if I haven't read it. The other thing is that auditory processing or whatever that it is called - how can I tell what is normal and what is not. Yes, some noises irritate me, especially lots of them - then I can't concentrate on something I do. I can't for example read anything while radio or TV is on. But how can I say that other people don't have trouble concentrating. One thing that irritates me is noises when I go to sleep - for example people talking or worse - ticking clock. When everything is quite and i hear a clock, my heart just jumps with every tick - pisses me off. So I usually leave TV on. But again, I don't have this problem often - i have a ticking clock in my bedroom now and I can fall asleep with no problems.
Of course, I wont talk much about my social life and problems, because I think it's obvious - a person who doesn't have problems can't even consider having autism. I've never had friends, I don't talk much even to my family members - I just don't know why. One reason is that I have nothing to say - I don't know many people who would share the same interest. Of course there is always something to talk about. So basically if I have to say something, I say. And usually I don't. I just feel some sort of pressure to say something and I don't what is that I am supposed to say. And I have no pleasure to talk nonsense. Unfortunately that is exactly what I mostly say - something stupid and other people laugh at me, or something wrong. So there is a lot of pressure from others and from myself - because I always want to be smarter then anyone else, if you know what I mean. And when I relax too much and say something stupid, I feel ashamed. That is why I don't really talk much - I don't know what I should say in one or other situation. But at this point I have to get back to doubts - does it mean that I am autistic? I don't think so. I just didn't learn social skills, I didn't have many people to interact in childhood. And I feel no urge to go out and socialize - because it gives no pleasure to me.
So this is just a peak into my horrible life. I'm sure none of you give a s**t about it, because you have plenty problems of your own 
So, that is it for now - looking forward to chat about something more specific and I would really like if anyone could tell me about that official diagnosis.
18 Jan 2007, 7:13 am
18 Jan 2007, 8:49 am
18 Jan 2007, 2:48 pm
Hi Burocrat,
Some people get a formal diagnosis. Some don't bother. A lot, especially adults, find out by either learning about it through the web or someone else they know on the AS spectrum. I would suggest you stick around, read through the posts and articles here as Mark suggested.
Not everyone on the autism spectrum has the same experiences, the same traits, we are all different 
I think you'll find it a very helpful place.
Enjoy the forums, and welcome to WP.
18 Jan 2007, 3:12 pm
