so lost right now... new here...

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Hi. I'm 36, nearly 37.

I live in the UK. I have depression and PTSD.

Right now I feel so lost and confused.

My therapist has in the past said I am not autistic, because I still want relationships, want people.

But.

In yesterday's session it became painfully obvious that I don't know how to connect with people, when the impetus is over to me. I don't know how to make friends, and have none. The last time I really had friends was when I was at university, 15 or so years ago.

My early life is classic autism territory.
And I would never talk to teachers when at school, not until at least middway through the year.
An ex-employer accused me of being autistic because I had [and still do, with those who I don't know] difficulty in making eye contact with her.

I have never had a relationship, never dated. Ever. Part of me would like to, but the rest of me is terrified.

My therapist said she can help me learn how to connect with people, make friends. But I feel so ashamed, so desolate, so alone.

What if I'm not even capable of relating to people.

Welcome to WP!! !

well if you feel like moving over to the US...heh heh I'll date you and be your friend!! !! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!
I hope you like it here!

You have just begun to travel down the road of self discovery. Do not worry, all of us are somewhere on this road. it is a good road. You probably will not find how to alter the world, but you may find how to alter your personal subjective world so to better fit you. Wander WP. Say anything you want to. You are among friends. We are your tribe.

Hi, and welcome to you!

We'll make you feel welcome, I'm sure!

I hope you come to a valid conclusion of whether or not you have AS soon!

Nothing about wanting relationships is counter to an autie dx, it is the *ability* to develop and maintain those relationships that is the key.

I also have ptsd, I know how that territory feels.

Maybe you need a new therapist? Don't know how that works in the UK.

Welcome to WP. The desire to have friendships but the difficulty in doing so is a big sign to me that you may indeed be on the autism spectrum. I'm obviously not an expert, but I do know about the whole friendship issue from my own frustrations.

Hi Jonquil, I hope im not overstepping my bounds by saying autism is not a subjective disorder it is a MEDICAL disorder a therapist can not dx you . Find a real medical dr and psychiatrist to help you . Therapists are to help you sort out your feelings not sew your leg back together. Just remember no matter how long it rains the sun always comes back from behind the clouds. Good Luck!

hi Jonquil, you sound a lot like me. I think people with AS definitely want human connection, they just have a lot of difficulty with it.

Welcome to WP!

Tim