New to Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

My almost 8-year-old was diagnosed this week with Aspergers. He's always been a little quirky and my more challenging kid (I have two). He's always struggled with overstimulation from lights, sounds, etc. We've been really fortunate with teachers willing to make accommodations for him without a diagnosis, but getting into the school routine for him was excruciating this year. His teacher recommended we get him evaluated to see what was going on in his head. My siblings and my husband's brother have easily accepted the diagnosis and recognize that N is still N, but will now get the assistance he needs to deal with everything going on in life, how to interact with other kids socially, etc. My parents, on the other hand, are from the old school of thought that labels and diagnosis are detrimental to long-term happiness, etc. How can we help them accept that he is still the same kid, just getting help with his struggles?

I wouldn't call that an old school of thought at all. Quite the opposite really, a departure from Freudian thinking and what have you. By all means seek all the resources your son needs, but watch his responses more closely than you watch what he's involved in. It's quite common, especially where school is concerned for things like study hall and mandatory appointments to interfere with what your kid actually wants to be doing. I left HS because they had no computer science electives and didn't give me as many choices in my education as everyone else.

Some people are simply unwilling to accept the idea that not every other person on the planet is experiencing life the same way that they are.

As someone who was not diagnosed until middle age and grew up being told that all my handicaps and shortcomings were my own damn fault and that I just "wasn't trying hard enough" or was "making excuses," I can tell you unequivocally that recognizing someone's very real HANDICAP is not "labeling." In fact, I rather resent the very term "label" , as it reduces an actual disability to the level of a made-up slogan.

Here's something your folks need to understand - print this out in bold font and tape it to their refrigerator:

Autism is a sensory processing dysfunction.

Normal brains unconsciously take in a constant stream of sensory data - light, sound, touch, voices, body language, etc, categorizing each element and adjusting the mental 'volume' according to importance and tuning out information that is irrelevant.

The Autistic brain has a faulty filter, taking in the same sensory data, but unable to process it all as efficiently, therefore becoming easily overwhelmed. The Autistic brain may completely miss an important social cue, but focus instead on a small irrelevant sound that others don't even notice. This has nothing to do with intelligence, it is all about the brain's ability to process SENSORY information.

If looking someone in the eyes when they are speaking to you causes your brain to focus on the other person's face so intently that you miss what they are saying to you, that is a HANDICAP, and it is very real. Just as Dyslexia may cause your brain to misinterpret symbols, so that you read street signs incorrectly, Autism creates problems in learning to socialize normally and creates a state of near constant high anxiety, due to the emotional discomfort of always feeling "out-of-place" when expected to interact with other people.

The Autistic brain is easily overwhelmed when the information is coming in too fast to process, or the individual is under psychological pressure to assimilate incoming information too rapidly.

All other symptoms of Autism - social anxiety, introversion, repetitive motion, strict adherence to routine, inhibited eye contact, aversion to touch, depression - are all reactive outgrowths of that constant hyper-sensory deluge.

Autism is NOT a label. It is a very real handicap. "Labeling" that disability only allows the disabled person to gain access to assistance, so that their life does not have to be such a constant struggle to keep up in a world that is not designed for them. It is not helpful nor compassionate to treat the disabled as though their handicaps do not exist. Just because you can't SEE their handicap and don't experience it yourself does not make it imaginary.

no matter what i say or do my mother still thinks i could be trying harder or doing more to be 'normal'. she is wonderful in many ways but she will never understand that it is not possible for me to think like she does and see the world like she does. some people never will get it just like i will never understand why they do not. in my opinion, accepting that you may never change their minds is step one and step two is learning damage control. they will probably offer advice to your kid out of love and good intentions but with that mindset it can be hurtful.

i know personally when i figured out i had Aspergers it was a huge relief and really allowed me to deal with some internal issues that had be plaguing me for a long time.

hope that helps and feel free to ask for clarification.