I've always felt like there are things I needed to say and ask and I guess I'll let it out in this thread.
Well as an introduction, I'm 17. I've always felt as far back as I remember that I'm isolated from everyone else. It was hard to express my feelings to them and hard for me to interpret theirs. I was also unnaturally depressed as a child, often times over unimportant things. I've also had some compulsive behavior as far back as I can remember. Certain things that I had to do all the time, otherwise I would feel as if something "wasn't right". I didn't/don't really think this is some big deal, other than that it happened/happens dozens of times a day. A really bad time was when I was about 6; I had some sort of obsession with bending one of my toes outward, which would cause some crazy excruciating feeling that would make me cringe, and I would just keep doing it randomly all day for months.
Highschool wasn't a big change from childhood, as I was still a crazy mood-swinger (moreso because of my teenage angst/puberty), and I felt even more isolated when around more people. I almost hit "rock bottom" several times, performing some self-mutilation (cutting), and almost trying to kill myself. I didn't do any of it for the attention of other people, I just felt extremely frustrated.
I started to notice that it's weird to not look at people directly in the face when you're talking to them, something I've been doing for a long, long time. Relationships I tried to avoid, but always felt pretty (not good) not being in one. Then I found out about this "Asperger's Syndrome" after the lead singer of the band "the vines" was diagnosed with it. I came to wrong planet and started lurking for about 6 months before finally posting this. I found that I seem to have a lot in common with the "Aspies", except for one thing. Most of the people here seem to be pessimistic and blame things on their "disorder". Diagnosed or not, I like to believe people have the power to change, which is why I've never actually talked to anybody about a diagnosis.
Also: I've read that asperger's syndrome has had an effect on motor skills and coordination, especially between upper limbs and lower limbs. I've always felt difficult trying to look "natural" when I walk, and I never really had very good motor skills.
With all this said, I have a few questions:
-What has a diagnosis done for you?
-Do you believe you have the ability to fight your poor social abilities or that no matter what you do, they will always be affected by Asperger's Syndrome?
-Am I just an idiot?
05 Feb 2007, 8:57 pm
