Stuck between two worlds

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Hi everyone! I've been lurking here for a couple of months now, I think it is time for me to introduce myself!

I am a 40 yo female aspie. Just got my diagnosis 2 months ago.

My psychologist said I was very lucky. In his words, I am one of the few aspies who has a good career and a good marriage. I have a professional degree in healthcare and have worked in the same office for the last 12 years. I am married to a sociable NT who happens to have a very high EQ. We are childless by choice. Hubby always thought I was full of quirks, the AS diagnosis really did not surprise him. The diagnosis cleared up a lot of things for me, and him. The two of us now understand where each other is coming from, our relationship has always been good, it is even better now. He used to think I was just hot-headed and set in my own ways, now he knows my quirks were really AS traits.

I was raised partially in Asia (Hong Kong). I immigrated to the States when I was in junior high school. Growing up, my parents always thought I was odd and "slow." Worried that I was going to have problems getting along in the workplace as an adult, they forced me to conform and fit in. I had my share of tough times, but in hindsight, what they did really helped me. I learned a lot of coping mechanisms so I could be amongst NTs and not stand out.

I do kind of feel that I am stuck between the two worlds. I don't belong to the NT world, yet I can't identify with what most aspies are going through. I can get along well enough with NTs to work and hang out, but deep down inside, I know I am not a NT. On the other hand, I am too high functioning to be recognized as an aspie. People who didn't know me well were surprised by my diagnosis. My coping mechanisms enable me to act like a NT and on most days, I can do pretty well.

I am happy with how my life is I am not too worried about getting stuck between the two worlds. I do, however, wonder if there are other aspies who feel the same way I do.

I feel very much that way myself, I never even heard of Aspergers until a couple years ago when my Dr. brought it up. I've always been 'different' but not really different enough for even my parents to accept the idea even now that I have Aspergers. While finally understanding what was going on my whole life helped, I still feel too weird to fit in with regular folks, but too regular to bother trying to explain to anyone why I am not fitting their mold of how people ought to be. I have not been as lucky in finding a partner, I have burned through a good number of men trying but I am still getting the hang of relationships. I guess I'm saying i feel the same in the matters of the two worlds, but I am still seeking that happy place in life.

Welcome aboard!

I was officially diagnosed at age 52, after earning an MSEE degree, getting married, fathering children, serving in the military, and holding down a job. For many years, I suspected that I was somehow 'broken', so it was very much a relief to receive 'only' a diagnosis of AS. I am currently in the process of being re-evaluated, and the review panel has told me a similar story; that I was fortunate to have done so well without even knowing that I had an ASD, and without having been discouraged by an earlier diagnosis - one that would have occurred during a time when my relatives had already withdrawn their support from me, and during a time when "Autism" was (more likely to be) considered synonymous with mental retardation, insanity or both.

Nowadays, an ASD is just another aspect of my personality, yet it does not define me. I am instead defined by my achievements.

Again, welcome aboard!

deviledapple:
I met a girl at work who had AS. I became curious and started looking into it. After some online research, my husband and I pretty much knew I was on the spectrum. I pursued a formal diagnosis just to be sure. The diagnosis was a relief for me, I was not just "strange," LOL. I dated a few guys during college but never felt connected enough to settle down with any of them. I was actually pretty comfortable with the idea of not getting married, I liked my freedom. I met my husband when I was 24, I was busy with professional school then and really was not interested in getting involved with anyone. Well, guess it was meant to be, we've been married for 12 years now.

Fnord:
Thank you!

I agree with you, parents and educators in general did not have an understanding of ASD, especially 30+ years ago. I am actually glad that I was diagnosed late in life. Had I been labeled as a child, my parents probably wouldn't know what to do with me. They were comfortable pushing me to conform because they thought I was just slow and dumb. There were many things I didn't get, my mom spent a lot of time explaining "social stuff" to me, stuff that she thought should've been common sense.

If they were told I was on the spectrum when I was little, they probably wouldn't have raised me the same way. Their upbringing really helped me develop my coping mechanisms.

Same here, I see ASD as part of my personality, my personality as a whole makes me the person I am, not ASD

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi Ametrope,

your story is very similar to mine. I was diagnosed earlier this year.

I agree with you, the fact that you don't have a diagnosis as a child means that you are 'pushed' into a lot of things that maybe you wouldn't have otherwise been, if you had the Aspergers diagnosis. I am pretty convinced that this is one of the reasons I can manage to function reasonably well on a day to day level, as long as my environment remains structured.

I also hold down a job (although I would prefer to stay at home all day given the chance) and have been married for more than a century. Oops, I mean a decade.

Still, it was a great relief to finally get a diagnosis that just about explained everything in my whole life.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I agree a lot with this. I was diagnosed at the sort-of late age of 17, but people are often shocked to hear that I have AS and I honestly think it's because I was forced to creating coping methods for myself as a child that enabled me to interact in the NT world. While I've never felt that I am part of the NT world, I feel that I'm "fluent in their language."

I do feel that those who have a diagnosis early can be a bit too... pandered too, and sheltered. Or perhaps a better way to say it is that AS gives them a reason to never try, like an escape route from stressful situations.

Welcome to WPea

I can relate to this. There are times when I wish I wasn't caught in the middle - I wish I was either NT or "more" of an Aspie. Just because I can pass as NT most of the time when out in public doesn't mean it's easy. I graduated from a military college, spent a semester abroad, and worked the opening of a Disney resort... but yet things like talking on the phone or driving are difficult.

welcome

Greetings. We are strange and loving here.