Hello one and all. I am a new guy, 58, that has been struggling with this for as long as I can remember. I only recently started getting a handle on what is "wrong" with me. I am fortunate in that I am on the high end of things and most of my symptoms are mild. I have dealt with this long enough that I can actually admit to my condition without fear of being locked up somewhere in a room with padded walls and wearing one of those tuxedos with the very long sleeves.
I don't go around admitting it to everyone, but those that I am comfortable with, and where I think it might help avoid confusion, I am upfront.
I have always been a loner. The best way I can describe the way I felt most times is that I felt like a martian walking around in a human suit. I always had a fear that someone somewhere would discover I was always faking it, that I didn't ever belong and would start announcing how crazy I was.
I have spent years dealing with depression, chronic fatigue, and fighting off all the people who seemed to think I should be doing this or that or going off and doing as they did in order to have fun. I spent a lot of time in bars and developed a very deep fondness for booze. I gave that up, after deciding that what I was doing was a good impression of killing myself and have comfortably been on the wagon for a number of years now.
I am comfortable in the who I have found myself to be. I have learned that it is better to do the things the way I feel comfortable about instead of beating myself because I am not doing them the "normal" way. I find myself much happier following the inner directions than I was trying to make myself over into something I never was. If people think me odd, so be it.
I spent a lot of time researching and searching, but it was not until recently that I had full access to the internet that I started find out about aspergers and the autism spectrum. I have found there can be a lot of strengths to being an aspie and more or less what I am trying to do now is find my niche.
I live where there is not a lot of support for those who are "different" in any way. I have found, and this is scary, but it seems I know more about the condition than most of the "experts" around here who are the ones who would be diagnosing me. I don't claim to be smarter than anyone, but when I set out to learn something, well, the best way I can put it is that it is a lot like a hungry dog with a fresh new bone. I chew it to death. And frankly I don't put up well with those who should know and don't. Man, if that is your job, don't be telling me you don't have time to keep up with all the latest research. But that is a topic for another day.
My purpose here is just to see if I can find out how it is the other half live. I can cope well enough that I have gotten along pretty well, all things considered and in that, I consider myself to be very lucky. I won't say any of it was easy, or that it will get any easier. But I have handled all that has been thrown at me so I feel I can take whatever is lurking up ahead.
Anywho, just saying hello. We'll see how it goes from here, I guess.
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Don't mind me, I have Aspergers --- it goes well with Tartar sauce.
28 Dec 2013, 1:51 am
