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Erm.. hello. Yes.

I'd like to apologise in advance if I offend anyone in the process of interacting with anyone, I still have a number of misconceptions about Autism and I'm here to hopefully learn a bit. Let's see if my Personal Ignorance Grade (PIG) can be lowered!

My interest in the subject began a couple of years ago when I found myself caring for a 'disabled' uncle, following a succession of deaths in my family. My uncle had always been 'cared' for all his life to a certain extent, and never achieved anything like independence. He remains to this day very much like an eight year old boy trapped in the body of a man. (this is my unqualified description of him)

For whatever reasons - shame, ignorance, prejudice - my uncle's problems were never really addressed in a suitable manner. He was never diagnosed with anything, and unfortunately most of his experiences in life involved a stick instead of a carrot. Anyway, after a couple of years under my supervision I finally got a formal diagnosis of ASD for my uncle. He's nearly bloody 60 years of age now, and I hope that knowing this about him might help me help him.

While this was going on, I was undergoing psychotherapy for PTSD. I won't go into my own mental health issues here, but this was the first time in my life I had access to any kind of therapist so I kind of abused her and explored some ideas that had been bothering me for a few years. There had always been something awkward going on under my façade of normality. For years I thought I was actually a psychopath - having difficulty relating to other people, and having some pretty frightening rage issues. Turned out psychopaths are another group of people that I simply don't understand.

I hadn't considered that I was Autistic. To me, Autistic people were like my uncle - stupid, clumsy, and to be treated with kid-gloves. I thought slightly better of people with Asperger's. Aspis are like robots, yeah?

Whoops!

Anyway, I thought I'd take an ADOS test. I was diagnosed with Asperger's a couple of months ago, aged 32. I won't quote the results of my ADOS test in detail, but my results were pretty much

"Dude, you're totally Autistic!"

Is it wrong to be delighted about this? I thought I knew myself, I thought I was self aware, then a single word - Asperger's - turned my understanding of myself completely upside down and EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY MADE SENSE. I can now look at my present-day quirks and memories of formative events with a new, clearer lens.

I've now been laughing about this for a couple of months. The novelty has yet to wear off, and I'm not sure if it will.

Anyway, hello! I'm slightly less ignorant now. I'm probably a 9.





... on a 1 to 10 scale.

Hi pobbles,

Welcome to Wrong Planet

Yes, it will - and be prepared for the next stage, which is a period of depression and personal sadness (much like the stages of grief over losing a loved on) when the idea begins to sink in that, because AS is a neurological dysfunction, it's hardwired into your brain and thus, is never going to change or be cured and, at this point in your adult life, is unlikely to ever improve to any significant degree. Whatever you've always been, in terms of ineptitude and impairment, that's what you are and will always be, forever after, amen.

Not to bring you down or anything, that really is the next stage of acceptance, it happens to nearly everybody (at least nearly everybody diagnosed as an adult). First, it's a cathartic relief to finally have a label for the struggles you've been pushing uphill all your life, all those things that you were always told were all your fault, are in fact, the predictable results of a diagnosable disorder. Whew! What a relief to know that!

Then comes the bummer of accepting that you're stuck with it, no matter what it's called. Not that you hadn't already realized years ago that you are who you are and there's no changing you. It's just that now you have documented proof that it really CAN'T be changed and boy, does that suck. The feeling passes, but expect to go through a bit of a melancholy period after that initial elation, once the bubble you're floating in right now pops and sends you hurtling back to reality. It's normal.

Thank you for a thoughtful response. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since having a breakdown a couple of years ago anyway, so hopefully, there's no room for further misery and dark thoughts.

If anything, I feel more empowered now than I did when I was pretending to be neurotypical. I'll admit to harbouring something of a nasty superiority complex for most of my life, though I like to think I kept that pretty well hidden. From what you're saying I might be something of an oddity even amongst fellow Aspis - my recent diagnosis has reinforced my nasty superiority complex rather than kicking it in the nuts, even though I understand on an intellectual basis why such a reaction is so bizarre.

I'm certainly no Einstein or Tesla...

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

No, you don't seem unusual at all for an Aspergian. I have the same superiority complex for the same reasons, I don't have any delusions of grandeur, I know my limitations, but I still think I'm more thoughtful, observant and self-aware than the banal, mundane NT brains I've been abused by. I love the Sheldon Cooper quote: "I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad."

What I was warning you about is not a major depressive episode, so much as a melancholy sort of fugue state, during which you may seem to become hyper-aware of autistic traits that you've known you had all your life, but now that you know what causes them, they can become, for a while, extremely self-conscious and seem even more awkward than usual. You might have the odd feeling for a few weeks or months that everyone around you when you're out in public can tell you're autistic, just by looking at you. It's a temporary phenomenon.

You may skip right past that stage, but don't be surprised if it happens.

Welcome

Like yourself, I too felt more empowered when I first stumbled across the realisation that I could be an Aspie. I'm only self diagnosed at this stage, but working to make it official.

I know too well the feeling of it all suddenly making sense, and being proud of the fact. I have a new sense of purpose, and respect for myself, and actually feel rather invincible (even if I do still have to face the reality of my regular struggles).

I too used to struggle much with depression and anxiety, but this has been reduced drastically ever since I started self-educating myself in the things that have helped me survive in this NT world; such as figuring out NTs. It's been a long haul, but it was worth it in the end. Also, as I now know that I can be rather obsessive, I've learned how to 're-focus' my interests in to the things I need to be focusing on. This has been helpful in many areas of my life.

Anyway, hope you find many more answers here.

I don't suppose I have to pretend to like football and beer to fit in here then, huh?

How marvellously strange. Cheers for the welcome.

Welcome!