Greetings everyone!

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Hey everyone, i have been to these forums a few times over the past year just to browse but never make a post. I'm (almost) 24 and as many of you have Aspergers Syndrome. Also like many people with aspergers i have a very hard time with social interaction, hence my whole year 'warming up' to make this post.

I dont know if it is proper ettiquette(sp?) to ask a question in my welcome post but i know if i dont, id feel too shy to ask later and most likely go a whole other year not asking it here. It's a pretty basic one but since i was diagnosed i havent had anyone to ask, how do you tell a 'normal' person you have aspergers?

And i of course dont mean we're not normal, i guess a better way to put it would be someone without aspergers that is ignorant on the subject of it. I started a new job in the past month and ive wanted to bring it up multiple times but i always feel uncomfortable when i think about mentioning it. Like im using it as an excuse or something of why i am how i am, and the longer i wait without saying anything the harder it is to say something.

Any advice would be great!

Welcome!

Don't worry about asking questions here, I think that's why this site exists. That's why I'm here anyway.

I was only diagnosed a couple of months ago, and I haven't had a problem telling people. One of the first things I did post-diagnosis was to go on Facebook and told everyone I know (via a status update) that I have Asperger's. Some may think this was brave (or stupid ) but it served a couple of purposes:

a) I thought my family and friends had a right to know.

b) To challenge people's preconceptions, and hopefully scare away a few idiots. I believe that if anyone would choose to judge me negatively because of my diagnosis or choose to ignore me, then I'm better off not knowing them anyway.

The thought of doing this might horrify fellow Aspies, I guess I'm fortunate (or just maybe very naive) enough to not give a rat's ass about what other people think of me, and I am unusually confident (I think) for someone on the spectrum.

That being said, I won't just walk up to strangers and be like

"I'm Autistic, would you like to touch me?"

I'll usually bring it up once I get to know a person a little if it serves some kind of purpose - it usually pops up in conversation as an explanation if there's any level of discomfort from either party, or if people start comparing themselves to me. I actually welcome the opportunity to discuss the subject of autism with anyone who has an opinion on the subject - informed or otherwise - as I clearly still have a lot to learn and some preconceptions of my own to dispel.

Have people made remarks to you about any of your traits? Or are you trying to be pro-active anticipating what you think is probably inevitable?

I didn't discover that AS was the name of my handicaps until I was 45 years old, though I had suspected some sort of autism connection for many years. I wasn't diagnosed until 49.

At first, it was cathartic - to finally have an explanation for why I was the way I was, to refute the lifelong accusations that my inability to fit in and function "normally" with common social standards was my own fault - it was thrilling to feel relieved of that burden of guilt and shame for being a misfit.

I was so excited by this revelation, I wanted to share it with everyone I knew - shout it from the mountaintops, so to speak. In my giddy exhilaration, I naively assumed that others would find this discovery as fascinating and revealing as I did and even be happy for me.

What I found, much to my dismay, was that not only were virtually none of them interested in hearing about it, a great many of them quite obviously thought I was just another alienated geek looking to a fad diagnosis as an excuse for my own personal failures by claiming a "disability." Still others began looking at me askance, as though I'd been branded with a dangerous mental illness and should be avoided for safety reasons.

But by and large, the most frequent reaction was one of blank indifference. They had only the vaguest notion of what the word 'Autism' meant (most assumed it meant mentally ret*d), much less 'Asperger Syndrome,' or 'High Functioning Autism' as opposed to any other kind - it was all meaningless psychological gobbledegook and far too much trouble to bother trying to understand.

As far as the notion of making any accommodation for that disability, well that was just ridiculous - anyone looking at me could plainly see I wasn't in a wheelchair, or drooling on myself, so I couldn't possibly be handicapped. An invisible disability is a nonexistent disability (more people are sympathetic to dyslexia than to high functioning autism, because it's simpler and easier to understand). Even supposed professionals working in agencies literally called "Disability Rights Commission" were no help. If you need a wheelchair ramp built, oh they know every regulation involved and how to make that happen. But if you've been discriminated against because of your autistic shortcomings, well...surely that must be the responsibility of another agency. Try calling another number. And then another. And then another...

That being the case, I cannot recommend that you make a point of telling people about your diagnosis at all, unless it just happens to come up in conversation and they seem genuinely sympathetic with the whole concept of neurological handicaps, and that's only likely to happen if they have one themselves. You might tell your immediate family - people who have actually lived with you over long periods of time are the most likely to at least believe you, once they understand what AS/HFA is, because they will recognize your personality as soon as they see the diagnostic criteria. But even that is not always the case, as many members of Wrong Planet have encountered the same hostile reactions from family as from the rest of the world.

So you may find that disclosure is not always the most prudent course of action. Choose wisely, and good luck.

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