Hello, I'm new here

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Hi everyone,


I am a 28 years old man living in the UK, and I am joining this forum because I wonder if I may have a mild form of one of the conditions discussed here. I have read a lot but I still don't really know and I hope some of the more knowledgeable people here will be kind enough to help me find out what I may be.

I am interested in getting some kind of diagnosis (either a real medical diagnosis or a well-informed self-assessment) mostly because I am tired. I have been suffering from anxiety problems for almost as long as I can remember, I have spent one and half nightmarish year in depression, I have been violent to myself and others, and most of it was because I feel quite unable to relate other people (and to a lesser extent to the world in general) in a satisfying way. I've mostly recovered from depression and I am trying to build back my life, but there are still some things that don't work. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to study why I am like that based on my own previous history (in order to understand and fix things), but I recently realized there may be a simpler explaination.

Basically, if I have an ASD then I will know there is probably nothing I can do to "fix" myself and all I can to is learn to live with it. I am a bit terrified of that idea but I want to make some progress anyway.

I did the AQ test and scored a 34, but I'm not so fond of that test; many questions can be interpreted in different ways or have different answers depending on the situation.

I have written a document describing the ways I think my behavior may match various ASD symptoms, but it is three and half pages, so I didn't want to send it in my first post. If someone is interested in reading it and trying to help me I will gladly put it online.


Thanks,


ouroboros

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Nice to meet you! Welcome to Wrong Planet!

brief test based on the criteria docs use to diagnose Asperger's.

www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

Thank you all for your welcome

Thanks, I will have a look.

Hello ouroboros-uk,

One point; you used a hyphen in your username which the sign-up page advises against. This means that some of the site functionality won't work for you due to software bugs that are unlikely to ever be fixed. If you plan staying you might want to sign up again with a new username without a hyphen.

I had missed that one. Thank you for reminding that to me. Here I am again with an underscore.

Welcome! With your new account, that means that two of you have posted in one thread!

Hi ouroborus.

I hate to give you bad news, but I was writing to a girl on the site who used an underscore in her user name. She had a few glitches too. I tried to send her messages and would sometimes get a 'this user does not exist' error. We ended up swapping private email addresses via a moderator just so we could keep reliably in touch. You may want to reconsider the underscore.

Wrong Planet is a great community, there are just some bugs in the software you need to work around. Or get used to.

Damn! Thank you for the information. I hope this account is OK or I will start running out of e-mail addresses

So I will use this account. I hope my two other personalities won't mind

OK, I have went on reading things about Aspergers and ASD and the 4-pages document I mention in my initial post has grown two extra pages. Still, If someone with more knowledge and experience than me wants to bother having a look at it and give me some commments, I put it online.

Since I am not allowed to post links yet, I put it as my "web site" in my profile. If you want to download it, just go there and click the zippyshare link.

It is a bit vague about the details of my life but I want to keep this reasonably anonymous. I have a more developed version that I plan to show to my therapist.

Welcome to the site!

Note about the test that was linked to in an earlier post - make sure your answers reflect the behaviour of yourself as a child. If I answer as I am now, I come out as not autistic because I've learned coping mechanisms. But if I answer about myself as I was even as recently as ten years ago, I come out as autistic.

That is good to know, I may be in the same situation. Actually almost all of the signs are clearly here (and were much more present when I was young, yes). The only thing I am not completely sure about is the item II about stereotyped/constant/repetitive behaviors or interests.

But when I was a child I did some weird things. Almost everyday when going to sleep I remember I remained completely still except I put one hand under my pillow and repeatedly flipped one finger. I had a weird rationalization about a burglar that may come, and I had to feign being asleep not to get attacked but I could go on moving one finger under my pillow because he could not see or hear it. Also I made some weird moves when sat on a chair; I don't remember which ones exactly but my mother said I couldn't remain still.

(I don't know about when I was really, really young. But since I am the eldest of my siblings, and of my whole generation in my family, it is likely my parents wouldn't have detected anything unusual unless it was really weird.)

Now I don't do that any more obviously but I keep biting my fingernails (I have been doing it for 20 years non stop depite trying to stop multiple times), I often spin my swivel chair left and right, I keep putting my hand through my hair or my beard, I walk back and forth for no reason when I feel stressed. I very often crack my hands, my back, my jaw, and I keep playing with the muscles in my thighs (contracting and releasing them, without moving) when I'm sat. Sometimes I also put my ankle on my knee and move my foot under my desk. And when I was in middle/high school I kept tilting my chair back (I fell a few times), and I still find myself doing it occasionally when sitting on the right sort of chair.

The thing is, none of that is the "vanilla" AS repetitive motions like hand flapping or rocking (I have watched many videos, I see how it looks like), and most of the things I do now are more or less discrete and/or socially acceptable stress relief behaviors. And indeed, until now I have always attributed them to general nervousness and stress. But I had never linked most of them together like I am doing now, and I don't know what to think any more. I'm asking for help and feedback because I'm not sure "how normal" all of that is and for which kind of people. The other signs (social interaction problems, personal and professional life disturbance, no problem with speech and symbolic thinking) are rather clearly present (as described in the document I wrote).

Hello again ouroboros. I wouldn't get too hung up on the repetitive behaviours thing. I didn't think I showed any, until the psychologist pointed out that under pressure I start twirling my hair. I hadn't even thought of it, and it's a fairly normal thing to do, so I hadn't associated it.

Schnozzles has a good point about learned behaviours. Some of us learn quite early on how to 'fake normal' and do a reasonably convincing impression. I think that how you were as a child, and how you are under pressure, may give you some clues.

You do sound as though it may be worth getting an assessment. Find someone who is experienced in ASD's, and I suggest you go along with your document as a helpful prompt.
I certainly found it a huge relief when I got my diagnosis, it finally explained so much about my life.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Thanks for reading my stuff and for your feedback

I think I really should get an assessment. I am going on working on the document and integrating more information as I read about AS. For example I read that people with AS often need to "rest" (mentally) after social events like parties, and I really know that exact feeling. Even when I have enjoyed a social interaction I need some time on my own afterwards to chill out and get myself together. It makes me nervous when I go out with my girlfriend because I know that afterwards I will be with her and I won't have any time alone ; instead she will want to talk about the party, if I enjoyed it and how were the people, which are topics which for some reason make me really anxious. I also realized that the main reason I left my own country and currently am in a distance relationship is because I needed more time alone. (There are also professional and career issues there, but I think I made them sound more important than they really are to justify it, both to me and to other people.)

I heard the most common diagnosis process in the UK for adults (called DISCO) involve parents and I am not really at ease with it. My relationship with my parents is only so-so right now, and they are ultraconformist people who find a way to agree with anything and anyone. If I tell them I think I have an ASD they will probably say I am right and provide any relevant evidence (along with some guilt ans self-incrimination about them being stupid not seeing it before), but the problem is, if I tell them the exact opposite thing they would find a way to agree with me too. I think although they have relevant information and mean well in their way they are extremely unreliable. (Plus, my father don't like psychiatry and is afraid of psychiatrists.)

PS: Maybe I should move this discussion to the general section ? This is more than mere presentation. I don't really mind but I don't want to do anything against the forum rules or etiquette, tell me if it is the case.

Now, that's sounding like a 'special interest' kind of focus to me right there.

I am not sure of the diagnosis process in the UK, but I managed to get diagnosed without my parents, so it must be possible. Maybe you can check around the professsionals in your area to see who can help you with that. I am sure that some would depend heavily on parent's feedback, and others take less account of (or manage without) it.

Don't worry too much about what section your post is in, sometimes posts start in one way and then the discussion evolves. The moderators here are pretty relaxed. They will move things only if they think it will get more helpful responses in another area, or if it is inappropriate for where it was originally posted.

It certainly sounds as if you have enough of a basis to look into obtaining a diagnosis. Apart from the shock of finding out at 38 that I was autistic, and having a few moments processing that, I have generally found it a really positive experience.

I know some people who have had some frustration in trying to get diagnosed, so it does pay to find someone who is really experienced with ASD's, and especially someone who is used to diagnosing people who are "high functioning". Some less experienced psychiatrists seem to diagnose only "text book" cases, and if you don't show every single clinical sign, manage to develop coping mechanisms, or have managed to hold down a job, they think you can't possibly have it. I warn you of this because if you do have it, you are certainly at the 'high functioning' end of the spectrum, so this is an issue you may run into.

Keep us posted. Look forward to hearing how you get on.

Keep us posted with how you get on.