Self-diagnosed...known I was "different" for a lon

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Hello All,

Just as the title says, I've diagnosed myself as having Asperger's. I came to this determination through accounting numerous memories (some pleasant, some unpleasant) of life growing up combined with research, as well as interacting with my nephew who has been clinically diagnosed with Asperger's (we are much alike) and an observation from my wife.

Like most people with Asperger's, I have, at times, struggled to live in a world where we are very much misunderstood. Because one cannot look at someone with Asperger's and know they are "different", we are seen as equal...until we interact (or fail to interact) with the person, unlike a person with Down's Syndrome, or who has severe autism where they can "see" we are unlike them. Memories of my childhood, as I said previously, are somewhat unpleasant. What's worse is I was an only child living in a fairly rural area of Upstate NY with few kids my age within walking distance, much less biking distance, so I was beyond "socially awkward" growing up. Today I am still quite socially awkward, but I've learned to accept that and even joke about that.

I suppose I can also be described as "resilient" as I am not one to give up easily to anything and would probably literally kill myself trying to overcome anything. I'm also brutally honest and can't stand idle chit-chat and b.s. from people, nor can I tolerate lies. Despite issues in life I am generally a positive person, though like some teenagers I probably thought about killing myself once or twice as the bullying and taunting I received in school was almost too much to bear. Again, I'm probably here today because I never allowed people to get the best of me. Yes, I have strong emotions; love, hate, happy, sad, get mad at the drop of a hat, cry at the slightest thing. I used to be embarrassed by my emotional roller-coaster because I didn't understand why. Now I do understand so I have no problems living with my emotions.

I am on my second marriage. My first one lasted about 8 years and it was to a woman 24 years old that me. As you can imagine, that raised quite a few eyebrows. I won't bore anyone with the details of the divorce. Suffice to say "irreconcilable differences" would be a fair assessment. Some of it had to do with my Asperger's as she could not relate to me or understand me. My current wife was the first one to suggest that I might have Asperger's. As I said, my nephew, who is my wife's sister's son, has Asperger's, and she has seen the similarities; shy, going from "babbling to silent" in short order, uncomfortable around people, very limited food selection, and having "hot/cold" moments with things and people. My wife does struggle with my "moments", but understanding and accepting me for my "moments" has led us to a much better understanding of our relationship and how we can co-exist in a relationship without pissing the other off.

I don't know what else to say without boring the hell out of anyone other than I'm glad I found this forum and look to learn more about myself through the experiences of others and hopefully can help others learn about themselves in return. Life is too short to not be happy and to not accept yourself and understand who you are. All of us are here for a reason - either because we share a common trait or we live with or are in love with someone with Autism and want to understand how to be the best companion...and to be happy, too.

A professional diagnosis is always a good thing.

That would mean interacting with someone face-to-face. Anxiety levels through the roof! LOL Seriously, though, you are right. I have been researching doctors in my area but have yet to find anyone specializing in Autism. It is on my priority list.

Welcome, and thanks for giving an insight into your life. I like seeing the ways that different people have lived with being on the spectrum. I hope you're able to go through a formal assessment soon.

You may already know this, but keep in mind that both psychiatrists and psychologists can give a formal diagnosis. I've gotten diagnoses from both, although the psychiatrist who examined me didn't specialise in ASD; the psychologist did, thank goodness, and she was able to give more specific advice relating to Aspergers. Of course, psychiatrists have medical degrees, so their assessments can act as medical evidence; so can a psychologist's assessment, if corroborated by a doctor.

In any case, let us know how you get on with a diagnosis, if you're able to get one.
And welcome, again.