New account, new member, same old same old..

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Hi. I uh, tried to write this on my phone, it didn't save all the text and failed to load the page so....you know that feeling when you just did all that, it get's deleted, and you don't feel like putting it all back up there again, in a regurgitated form? That's me, right now.

Let's see if I can do the highlights of me, in a condensed soup form...My little brother was diagnosed with Autism when he was 3. Before that it was...bad...after they got the diagnosis my mom found out about Aspergers. The more she found out, the more she felt that I have it and never got a diagnosis (been to head docs plenty of times - ADD/ADHD/Bi-polar/Chronic depression/Manic behavior.../shrugs). My little brother is 9 yr's old, and while he's gotten the help he needs....I'm ready to just let go.

I mean, when I was 3yr's old, I was asking my mom why she didn't have an abortion when she was pregnant with me, and it's* (I've*) only gotten more mature and cynically jaded since then. When I was in school....Socially Awkward was an UNDERSTATEMENT. I didn't understand why we had to raise our hands when the object of school was to learn. First day of Sunday school I asked about dinosaurs and...other stuff*, they asked my mom not to bring me back, I asked too many questions...by the time I got an IQ test, I was in 8th grade, and was promptly placed in all honors/gifted classes. Doubled the work load, didn't teach new things faster...All work and no play, made me a DULL BOY.

My dad...passed when I was 15. To put my childhood in a little better perspective - My dad was 60 when my mom had me at 21. That's a 39yr age difference....Socially Awkward, was an understatement. When he died, I lost my best friend. The actions taken at that time of my life, I'd rather not share. Suffice to say, it never got better, and has continued along that trend since then.

I've had over a dozen jobs in as many years. I've been a chef at a Marriott after being hired as a dishwasher. I opened a restaurant and worked 6day, 6hr shifts, not even breaking 1k/month. Constructions/Demo, delivery driver, fast food, lawn work, painting houses....None of it held my interest for longer then it took to learn it. The only reason I get up in the morning is to make my mom not worry about me. I'll sit in my bed for HOURS, just...waiting.

My mom has enough on her plate trying to raise my little brother and being the bread bringer for her household. I don't tell her how I feel all the time, because my lil bro deserves his mother's full attention, and I don't want to stress her out anymore then she already is. But I have...nothing else left to give. I don't understand people. Or maybe I see through them so easily, everything about them makes me...../whatever.

So yeah....that's my introduction. My mom sent me a link to this website after my latest...apathetic pity party*...after reading around on this site, crying a little bit and deciding to make a profile on here, I'm not....I'm not feeling as low, which is something I guess..

Thanks for your time

Thanks for sharing your story. Welcome! Glad you aren't feeling as low, now:)

Welcome. I hope finding others who share your characteristics will help you feel less alone, with more to keep going for.

Hi and welcome!

thank you for sharing your story. I hope this will be a place where you will find what you are looking for!

Best

Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm sure people on here know how much it can mean to you to just have someone, care? I dunno..

Been hanging out, or lurking, in The Haven forum almost as soon as I got here...Thank god for a site like this. Or thank the great spaghetti monster in the sky, whatever your comfortable with, heh.

Welcome to WP.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!