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Hi everyone,

I am new here and have recently been told I probably am on the autistic spectrum. I just wanted to chat to other people and get some feedback on my situation so I can try and start figuring it all out.

Basically, the reason this came about is that I recently started seeing a therapist, well some months ago, as I have been struggling to adjusting to life after coming out of an addictive lifestyle. I have basically been a heavy drinker from age 12 to 30 and I have been sober a few years now. I started seeing my current therapist as I was really struggling with my relationships with others (to be honest I always have but I thought it was the booze and that when I got sober I would somehow become miraculously normal...) and I have this constant low level of anxiety which spirals out of control over really minor things. His suggestion that I have aspergers came as a shock really but a relief too as he said many times people will spend years looking for emotional reasons for something which is just the way you are wired. I have always thought I was different from others but I thought maybe I was just being a bit melodramatic. I haven't looked too far into this and am working through things slowly with my therapist but I have found it difficult to identify when I read lists of 'symptoms' of aspergers. I feel like they don't apply to me. But there may be some denial there. I have always thought I was the normal one and that others were weird or rude so it is a hard thing to accept that it may be me that has been getting it wrong all these years. But reading things written by other people with aspergers has helped me a lot and I hoped I could get some insight here.

So I suppose my question is has anyone else had difficulties with addiction as a way of self medicating and adapting to life after that with aspergers..? Or found a way to manage relationships and anxiety in a way that means you are able to have a relatively stable life where you're not trying to hide from everyone all the time...? I am just generally finding everything really difficult to cope with and I don't want to start falling into old ways of coping.

Thanks in advance x

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

hiya LV welcome to the club congrats on being straight for so long now your mileage may vary, of course- but I have found that a clean diet and daily exercise regimen help me to keep my anxiety at bay, in addition to a mental hygiene technique that I liken to pulling weeds in a garden- when a worry comes into my consciousness, I cut it off and replace it with another thought- maybe put pieces of paper throughout your house with this distracting thought to remind you that when you're worrying, just think this thought- it can be any thought, but the more outrageous the better as outrageous thoughts have more sticking power. my favorite thought is "eat the young!" however, you will have to come up with your own special distracting thought that you can abide. some folks find success in using a rubber band and snapping it on themselves to distract from anxious thoughts. divide your worries into things you can control, and things you can't control. deal forthrightly with the former, and ignore the latter as best you can using the aforementioned distraction techniques. practice makes more perfect, the more often you do the hygiene technique the weaker your bad thoughts will get, over time.

Hey there LucyV:

I should have just left your entire piece in the quote. I really can identify. I too drank as a way to try and cope with the pervasive anxiety and in particular social anxiety. It worked pretty well for a while too, being an anxiolytic and all. But then got out of control. I too worked with a therapist for a very long time to help with keeping sober.

I personally found that the sensory hypersensitivities of autism spectrum disorders was a real clue as to my anxieties. I get overstimulated very easily and alcohol did a great job of calming them down. Now I have revised my lifestyle to keep my sensitivities in check and can do rather well without the alcohol.

I spent many years in therapy looking for the emotional cause of all of my depression and anxiety. Turns out, I would have had a much easier time if I had Aspeger`s in the explanation. We only found out about this when my children were diagnosed. It is easier to understand now, but there was also a lot of damage done by me trying to be ``normal`` as mandated by my family, so there is trauma in my past as well as different brain wiring.

Sorry for the rambling post, but to make a long story short, yes I used alcohol to self-medicate but have found a deep understanding of autism spectrum disorders and their associated hypersensitivities has been a great help in coping.

Keep up the great work at staying sober!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP.

Thanks for your responses

That is really good advice AuntBlabby My physical health is pretty good now. I had alcoholic neuropathy when I stopped drinking and that has pretty much cleared up now. I also stopped smoking when I quit and a year later got landed with a little rescue dog who I swear is saving my life everyday but also has the added side effect of making me exercise. And since getting her I also decided to turn vegan so my diet is pretty good now too. At the moment I am working on cutting out as much sugar as possible, I think that is going to really help on the anxiety front. I also have an appointment booked to see my doctor in a few weeks but I really don't want to go on meds if I can avoid it, it's just it has been so ridiculous lately and everyone keeps telling me to go to the doctors, so I am.

I love the analogy of pulling weeds in the garden too. This is something I try to do but I have never heard of using a distracting thought, I will try that I have countless books on things like CBT, boundaries, how to deal with cravings/anxiety/depression so I am working on this all the time. I have much more rational moments than I used to but I find it hard to shake when something I am worrying about takes hold.

Can I just ask is this typical of people with aspergers? The things about anxiety and aspergers I have read has said stuff like it is because of difficulties understanding emotions and because of social problems but I feel like mine come from the inside out, like I am anxious on the inside and interaction with the outside world just makes it worse. I am particularly bad if I don't know where I stand or what I am supposed to be doing. I like having stuff to do. So recently my work has been rearranged and I am still not entirely sure if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and I have a new partner who is a little on the reserved side which I find hard. I am constantly aware that people aren't saying what they think and are trying to be nice when all I want is for them to tell me exactly what to do. But then sometimes I think I may just be being paranoid. My therapist says that because of being on the spectrum I am more aware of other people's bullsh*t, is this something you find too?

Thank you for you post Solina, and I am glad to meet someone else here who was like me. Sorry you had to wait so long for a diagnosis. I feel lucky to have stumbled on this therapist (who actually is on the spectrum himself too) as I think I would have been stumbling for a lot longer wondering what the hell was going on. I am not sure if I am that effected by sensitivities too much. I have always had panic attacks in really loud situations when there are too many people and too much chatter but other than that on a day to day basis I think I am okay. I have a really low frustration tolerance (I have recently noticed I get anxiety attacks in queues...!) and I feel I have to psych myself up for social occasions but for the most part I manage. It is just the emotions around it. I am rubbish with close personal relationships, including friends and family but at the same time I am no good at superficial friendships. I have a few friends but I tend just not to see them. I am happiest locked up at home with my dog and my books. Can't I just do that forever?

Sorry that was a really long rambly post, I'd be surprised if anyone reads it!

^^^
you are in the right place for people who want to hear what you say.

Hi lucyv and welcome
I can relate as i smoked pot exesively for the past 15 years,it did help numb the anxieties but i feel it made me more antisocial though i didnt really care(well thats not totaly true,its no fun being alone)i have recently stopped so they have returned and as others have stated distractions are key to "snap out of it".
I have been using this site to help deal with it,whenever i start to feel anxious or depressed and such i hop on my phone and start reading and replying when i can.

Thanks Rob, it sounds like you are in a fairly similar situation to me. I know a good recovery site if you are interested... PM me x

And auntblabby, my distracting word is now 'donkeyballs'. It makes me giggle so that helps me snap out of it, though I am no expert at that yet...

No problem,its been two weeks its going pretty good.i smoked a little one last night and it reminded me why i wanted to quit.i will check it out,any help is good help.

Lol ...donkey balls, makes me giggle a bit too

becoming "expert" is a journey as much as a destination.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

alright everybody, on a cue, one, two three- DONKEYBALLS! ah, I feel better already

DONKEYBALLS!??

<---Is Lost



Welcome to the party LucyV!

LucyV said that was an effective distracting word useful for her to replace ungood thoughts. I shall use that for myself as well, it is a good one

Donkey balls

Or in canadian-moose balls