Aspi, Old & Losing Control

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First post so ... hello

53 in a few months, diagnosed at 37 (also had SAD and AvPD label stuck on me since)

Managed to maintain a facade of 'normality' for years (though always been largely friendless/trouble with relationships/employment etc) I used to have the props of job/wife/child etc that helped me achieve this 'normality' but I found as I got older I was having to put more in to get less back and I quite deliberately 'sabotaged/discarded' the lot.

Now unemployed (unemployable?) single for almost six years, zero contact with my son for five years and what little (haha) 'social skills' I once possessed have deserted me completely. I'm either incredibly brusque and taciturn when I am forced to meet people OR voluble to the point of tedium, then:

1. People go out of their way to avoid me.

2. I'm embarrassed at being such a bore (again) I avoid them.

All my long standing ASPI traits are exaggerated to ridiculous levels, I can't cope with noise at all (I wear ear plugs most of the time, in the house I wear earphones and listen to 'Brownian Noise') I eat the same foods day in day out, I wear the same outfit everyday (wear one/one in the closet/one in the wash) OCD about cleanliness and I plan each day on endless spreadsheets (where I'm going/what I'm eating/where I'm walking .. walking my only real passion these days) and I fall out with EVERYONE these days, I seem to spend half my life writing letters of complaint or sending emails to my landlord berating fellow tenants (shared house)

This is no longer a 'life' in the accepted sense and in truth I can't see it getting any better. My GP gives me endless tablets, I was referred to an 'ASPI Club' (all half my age, and going bowling seems to be the main occupation)

NO ...

The prospect of another two decades or more of this farce (my life) fills me with utter dread. Apologies for such a bleak first post, and sorry if I've disheartened any younger members embarking on their 'ASPI Life'

Hello and welcome to WP.

I hope you enjoy finding friends here.

Thank you . . .

Welcome,dont worry about the bleak post,im pretty sure most of us has had similar posts.
Bowling for an aspie club?not he greatest idea

Thanks for the reassurance Rob.


I point blank refused to take part:

1. If my fellow ASPI club members are a clumsy and uncoordinated as I am, balls will be hurled everywhere.

2. As well as being ASPI I have a b*ggered right hand (skin grafted) from an industrial accident.

3. Perhaps the most significant I would spend the whole evening 'on guard' making sure no one was taking the p*ss out of the 'Weirdo Club'

As I get older I, too, am facing a life of "Where do I go from here?" To tell you the truth, I'm lost. I feel like a fish drowning in the ocean. Every day I ask myself how much more can I take? Everything looks bleak. It's as if I'm doomed. I definitely feel your pain.

For the bowling i was thinking more of the noise,it can get pretty loud

I can identify with SO much of this. It's a pattern in our family that we do OK until mid 50's, then just run out of steam, or at least the energy to pretend to be 'normal'. I was fortunate to get pensioned off on health grounds, and now live miles from anywhere growing weird and wonderful plants in the depths of the French countryside, and only doing as much socialising as I can cope with.

You're in good company, Einstein had six copies of the same suit - people used to think he wore the same one every day. It's rather common for Aspergians to become attached to specific articles of clothing, usually due to sensory issues. If it's comfortable, why switch to something itchy? Same is usually true of the dietary ruts, though in my case, it has much more to do with economics - I eat the same things all the time, because they're that's all I can afford on Disability.

I find myself, pretty much unemployable after a long career, too. The industry I worked in is almost exclusively automated now and the only live people left are those skilled at corporate @$$-kissing, which I am not.



Yup, I hear ya. The days just run together in one long, endless rut. I wouldn't mind the bowling, but I'd much rather have a girlfriend to go with, than a bunch of guys.

Why are you letting your doctor throw pills at you? There's no drug effective for treating Asperger Syndrome or High Functioning Autism, unless you're having some other issue, you shouldn't need them. If you have problems with anxiety, try Chamomile capsules.



Oh, fear not, there are plenty of us here about the same age and in the same boat. I'm still trying to hold out hope that something will break the monotony eventually. My biggest conundrum is that I'm horrible at maintaining live-in relationships and yet I don't particularly want to grow old all alone.

Probably a moot point in any case, as the only places I ever go where I might meet anyone are grocery shopping and paying bills.

Welcome from another 53 year old.

Welcome to WP and to the Aging Aspies Club!

I can relate to what you are saying. My experience has been that normal age-related cognitive decline has exacerbated my symptoms and/or my coping mechanisms. This kind of makes sense to me because most of my coping schemes have a cognitive basis; so as my cognitive abilities decline, so does my coping. Duh.

Pile this on top of the existential angst that comes with being a senior citizen, and it can make for some interesting experiences.

I'm 53, too.

Hi Palimpsest,
Welcome to WrongPlanet

Palimpsest...I like the name choice...

I'm a bit older, but I can definitely relate to your existential drear. Do you have any special interests besides the walking? I found that keeping mine going (no matter what others think about the eccentricity) has helped a lot. You might want to attempt to contact your son...After all, he might also be an Aspie, and you could perhaps help him out - the early years are often tough and young children seem to be more open to relationships with Aspie adults (at least until they hit their teens if they are NT)...I found that helping children with Aspergers was one of the turning points in my own self-understanding. I could relate to them and their issues quite well, and it opened up a lot for me.

I'm assuming that your Dr. is medicating you for depression?

I am 58 so that makes you a pup. There are moments that I feel the " woulda coulda, shoulda" moments but most of the time I try to accept life on its terms. I experienced much the same thing when I was told to go to an ASPY/HFA meet-up. I specifically asked if there would be others there near my age; I was told there would be but the others attending were much-much younger.
Being older has its advantages; we tend to view the world more realistically and are more accepting of our limitations.


__________________

Two men look out of prison bars, one saw mud and the other saw stars

Last edited by Aspinator on 20 Apr 2014, 5:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome!
I´m 60 and still trying to make sense of my history.