Hi there, I'm lolatheo and I'm an undiagnosed Aspie (my results appointment is on Friday 2nd May.)
I have always known I was different and to be honest, people have, and always will, confuse me immensely. I was a precocious child, especially when reading or writing (I had to read everything as a child, much to the annoyance of my mum) but did suffer some audio-speech developmental concerns and teachers were always categorically concerned that I wasn't making friends. I was happiest when I was learning in a classroom (always preferably alone) or library - absorbing knowledge, especially written, is my idea of heaven. I did a degree in Theology and Religious Studies. I was bullied extensively which has led to crippling self-esteem issues, and my lack of understanding and naivete led to me being manipulated by so-called 'friends'. I did have a couple of close friends in school, but I was at a loss with anyone else and co-workers equally baffle me now.
I hope that I get some answers next week, but I would like to list my personal symptoms and see what everyone else thinks and if they identify with them.
1. I love feeling corners of fabric - I have done this since childhood and often don't realise that I'm doing it. I often do it when I'm anxious or stressed.
2. I have to sleep with the same pillow. I get very irritable if I don't.
3. I HATE sleepovers - not only because I have no idea how to interact, but I have severe separation anxiety from familiar people and surroundings.
4. I will not entertain going somewhere new unless I have about a week to process it first. My partner told me ten minutes beforehand we were taking a car trip to the countryside and I had a complete meltdown.
5. Do not expect me to understand jokes/sarcasm straight away. I often misread it (looking an idiot in the process) or only understand a long time after the fact.
6. I can't stand not knowing where important items are, e.g. keys, phone, money, etc. If I can't find it, I will pace and huff and puff until I either find them or have a meltdown - I have self-injured on occasion due to frustration (banging head on door/wall)
7. My responses to people are often scripted and very little is natural. This is especially true of customers in my job as I work in retail.
8. I see communication as a necessary tool - people have often said that 'I only talk to them when I want something' which makes me seem heartless, though I only tend to make conversation when I need to make a point/request/clarification.
9. I get on much better with animals than I do people - animals don't require the subtlety that humans do. My cat is pretty much my best friend apart from my mum and partner.
10. I don't even like it when people are in my own surroundings. While I don't mind seeing people in short bursts in my house, I love it when they leave as my space is then mine again and I don't feel scrutinised.
11. Some of my interests are very intense - videogames are my best area. I can talk about them and play them for literally hours at a time.
12. I require very direct instructions, especially good if they are written.
13. If someone tries to explain through directions where an object/place is, I often won't understand until I've found the way myself.
14. I have a daily planner book and whiteboard to structure my day and week.
15. Lists are imperative or I don't function at my best - my natural organisation skills are poor.
16. I often offend people and don't understand why, even when it is explained to me. I still apologise and don't do it again if I can, but I often still do not comprehend what I did wrong.
17. People tend to talk with others as they find me too awkward.
18. I don't do well in noisy/crowded situations at all. Screaming babies are a particular trigger. I often go and lock myself in a toilet cubicle so I feel safe on my own and can block out the noise until my boyfriend comes to find me.
19. If my routine is disrupted, it feels like the end of the world.
20. My money management is very poor.
21. I question things when something doesn't happen when it says it will, and often don't understand flexibility.
22. I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and associating depression which is controlled by Sertraline.
23. I have had problems in employment,. often being reprimanded for things I've done/not done/said.
24. I love doing repetitive tasks that everyone else hates, like processing paperwork or a delivery. I could do these all day.
25. I question things when something isn't done by its normal procedure, and feel anxious because of it.
Thanks, and I'd love to hear your feedback.
27 Apr 2014, 7:06 pm
