*Notice, If you don't like negativity click away now, i'm not typing this in a sunny mood*
So i'll start this with a line from a song of the summer past, that largely sums up how im feeling just now,
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
(if you know the song then good for you)
Ive always compared my mental state as being like a skimming stone, if the waters calm, im fine, but all it takes is a wave or a bad bounce and im sinking to the bottom of a figurative lake of dispare.
Enough of the confusing emotional stuff, im Dale, from the Scottish central belt, im 22 and at a difficult crossroads between education and employment.
I was diagnosed as autistic at age 10, was always in mainstream education with little special treatment through high school, 2 years not knowing what to do after that and now im coming to the end of my 3rd year of an automotive course at collage,
BUT im going to fail the course after coming to the realization theirs no way i could work in a garage for the next 40 odd years, its harsh repetitive mundane work and just getting a foot in the doors hard, there's no shortage of skilled workers with years of experience going for the same jobs.
Im now stuck here at 22 not knowing what to do, I've lost my motivation for college and fell that far behind with the course work there's no way i can finish it in time, Its almost impossible to focus on it knowing there's no point to it.
This year has generally been a backwards slide for me, i feel like im slipping into 'classic' autistic traits, wanting to be alone, yet feeling isolated and alienated at the same time, Wasting more and more time online idoly scrolling through google maps, mindlessly watching videos of people playing simulator type games on youtube, or watching car shows pausing every few minutes to find out more about whatever there working on on wikipedia then going on a familiar tangent.
Im struggling to focus on anything for a period of time is becoming an issue. As is sleeping, i seem to sleep way to much but am always tired.
Procrastination is becoming a huge issue for me, im wasting the best years of my life online, when i should be out earning money to do what i want to do, go where i want to go, see what i want to see, before its all gone.
Soo, Welcome to my quarter life crisis, ill do the q&a too so you can get a bit of general info on me,
What is your first name? Dale, covered that already.
Age: 22
Location: Mid Scotland, UK (for now anyway)
Hobbies and Interests: Cars, bikes, other fast noisy things, Abandoned places, Anchitecture and structural engineering, railways and canals, could go on and on
Why are you here? Im struggling to cope with changes in my life, feeling held back by being labeled and feeling more different
When were you diagnosed?(skip if you don't have a disorder): When i was 10, ive never seen my diagnosis though social work lost it, id love a read at it.
Favorite subjects: school feels like an age ago now.
Year/Grade: yeah...
Favorite music: mostly electronic, some more acoustic folkpop or indy rock makes a nice change depending on my mood
Books: not really a booky person i struggle to engage with them
TV shows/Movies: prefer youtube tbh
Instrument: none sadly
Do you like sports? no, i like cycling but thats not really a sport so much as an active way of traveling, i want a kayak for the same reason.
Family: Live with my mom and normal younger sister, also still see my dad and step mom
Clothing: t shirt jeans and a zipper.
How did you find this website? cant remember tbh
Job: no
Plans for the future? get job preferably one where im out and about like deliveries or couriering, I don't like being trapped inside in front of a screen even if thats all i seem to do in my own time.
Any comments? thats all. and Hi, i guess.
01 May 2014, 8:32 pm
