Hello people, I hope you are all having wonderful days. I have arrived at this forum after a few days of trying to understand the unwritten rules of human interaction. I think it is wonderful that there are other people who do not understand this, and it is heartwarming to finally be able to communicate with others who share this experience. First, I will tell you about myself.
Starting with what led me here, I do not understand other people. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to understand what compels people to spend large portions of their life pursuing romantic and sexual relationships, and how they navigate the complex networks of unwritten rules and hidden symbols to develop those relationships. I believe that I have some understanding of why the rules exist with regards to social interactions and safety, but I cannot fathom other aspects. I have never understood why people choose to dress "nice", rather than in what is comfortable. It seems entirely illogical to spend so much time focusing on appearances. I've also never understood why appearance should play any factor in one's ability to do a job or task. But I digress. I was trying to learn specifically what some of the social rules are, and how they are learned. That led me to a wikibook called the "Autistic Survival Guide", which led me here.
About myself, specifically. I am 23 years old. I recently moved to the northeast, and am working in the field of my dreams, which is baseball. It is fantastic, and I love going into work every day. Growing up, I have rarely been close to another person, aside from my mother. My dog has been the most meaningful living creature to me. I have always been extremely stoic, and unable to express my feelings. And I don't like to be touched. I have also always obsessed over sports, specifically the statistics and mathematics of them. I have often been told that I will talk endlessly about sports, and very little about much of anything else, unless it's something I have researched and am excited about. I will also talk about video games, and books. Aside from those three areas, I don't know how to connect with people. That is why I feel very comfortable in my office with sports fans, but cannot be involved in the conversation when they talk about women, which is far too often and I don't like it. Additionally, I have always been very perceptive and sensitive to light and sounds. My very favorable impression of my brother's girlfriend stems in large part from her perception. It pleases me greatly when there is another person around who notices everything in a room, and "overthinks" things that other people seem not to notice. I rarely recognize faces of people I know, and rarely interact with people if the subject is not sports/games. I can be social when necessary, but I prefer to avoid it, and spend time with small amounts of people that share my interests.
Do I have Asperger's? Maybe. I've never been diagnosed, or even thought about it before recently. But I don't really care. I have always loved being different and unique. I have always enjoyed going against the flow, and sticking out. I love having areas that I am extremely passionate about, and I love being able to do those things every day. Sometimes I desire more social interactions, but that is more a function of living in an area with few places relevant to my interests, since I do not wish to go to a bar or a party. I've never understood people, and I do not wish to be like them. I am glad that I am the way I am, and that I am able to pursue my passions in life without needing to be bogged down in a complex web of social interactions all that often. I do not wish to live a life where I am more socially gifted, but less passionate about the things I love. I was very lonely growing up, and still feel that way sometimes. This stems from the fact that I do not understand that drives and motivates people, nor do I understand how to interact with them in a way that is socially deemed correct. I do not wish to be correct, I wish only to be myself, and I will continue to do so. It is great that there are other people who can understand some of the thoughts that spill out of my head. I have recently been called an "odd duck". I like being an odd duck. I hope that other ducks do as well. If I find myself labeled as one who resides on the autism spectrum, I will wear the mantle proudly. I will always strive to be myself, and to break down social walls and expectations. I enjoy drifting freely on my own path, wearing my passions and my heart on my sleeve. I understand that others have not been as lucky to live as I have, without much fear or anxiety. I hope that all ducks can feel free, and chase their passions.
That got a bit long winded, and more than a bit preachy at the end there. It always does. Apologies, folks. Oh, and nice to meet you. Whatever it is that you love, I would love to see your passion for it.
11 May 2014, 3:33 pm
