Hi, I'm Spiff from Arkansas. This is how i feel.

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This is my first post on this site. I am 42 years old. I have noticed my symptoms becoming a bit unbearable. I have only discovered my condition within the last year or so. Right now, I am trying to figure out how to go about life with a new knowledge of self. Sometimes I think we can have it the hardest. I can't count the number of times I have revolutionized a process, received praise, taught the process, and then been fired for flipping out at some point. I have also noticed people who are intimidated by me finding my triggers to make me loose it. It seems that I'm always a**hole Scott. I contribute so much to the world around me, it seems that I deserve more. It is so easy for people to get rich off of me, while I remain poor and unappreciated.

Realizing what is going on helps a lot. I am learning to accept and love NT's for what they are. I have the power to do this. I'm just not going to try to be so hard to be one of them. I can flunk algebra, and for that matter high school, but can automatically know how to code in C (arduino). I can be one of the most successful DJ's in Arkansas, and never be able to ask for money to do it. I can't know when my wife just wants a hug. She has begun telling me these things, and that helps.

Being a licensed professional, I do worry about my professional reputation. It's crap anyway, but my body of work is beyond compare. A am afraid to be diagnosed at this point, and I am a jerk for saying it, but does anyone want to hire an autistic land surveyor? With the demise of Asperger's in the "bible" (animosity intended), I have never felt more left in the cold by humanity. Thanks to this website for making this feeling a bit more bearable. I suppose I have nothing to gain from the psychology profession anyway, so who cares what they call me. I call myself an aspie!

Looking back on my life through the lens of Asperger's, many things make sense, and many coping mechanisms have been spontaneously developed. I turned my cringe into a smile. I even learned to squint the corners of my eyes a little bit to make it look real. I don't really know why I did this so many years ago. It is funny that it seems that I get through life just trying to make everyone around me happy. It is no wonder I never feel like I'm good enough.

I have always felt that all those around me thought ill of me. In school I always pictured myself as a nerdy loner who would bounce between all different cliques in the school, not fitting in. Imagine my surprise at my 20th reunion when I found out that I was the glue that held that school together. Everyone from every clique was happy to see me. Now I can understand so many misunderstandings. The biggest realization I have had so far is that when I feel that everyone around me hates me, they don't. They are merely indifferent. I try my best to enjoy the quirks of the neurotypical. They are very consistent and real. In the end, it seems that all we are really talking about is understanding.

Amazing post
Your obviously Really intelligent

We''re here to help!

Welcome to WP


Frustrated loners r us

I know you're a DJ. Are you a land surveyor, or a psychologist?

I believe "land surveyor" is actually a perfect Aspie job--since it requires attention to detail

Me too. Well, less than a year for me (January 2014). I completed many of the Cambridge tests in sequence. They started out conclusive and got progressively more so.

There is nothing that can compare to the feeling of knowing that there is understanding somewhere in this world. I love my new friends here, all thousands of you. Let's have wonderful lives.

I am a professional land surveyor licensed in arkansas. My main career difficulties are caused by well, my inability to keep my mouth shut. I doesn't really matter who it is, i will freak out on them if their incompetence effects me too much. I will also "burn bridges" in the process. I feel that the technical side is covered, but i'm not sure i can belong in a profession like that. I don't feel like they can take my license over my mental state. I was once told that i could not return to work unless i was medicated. Good thing i am an incredible DJ. That supposedly worthless persuit is what has gotten me this far. In a few years it may fly me around the world. If that happens, i doubt i'll care much about surveying. I have deep scars from ozark guidance's miserable attempts to "help" me. I have zero trust in psychology. Time will tell on that one.

On a lighter note, I am proud to have written the "most helpful" member review for "The Story of Luke" on Netflix. There is no limit to how deeply this movie has touched me. I still tear up through most of it. After watching it, I read the reviews, and my heart sank. "Clay Aiken impersonator", "Casting Lou was a mistake", "Acting was terrible". All of these comments really brought home the situation. Lack of understanding. I can be a bit obsessive about film. I found one cut that lou's face should have been turned, but this can be explained by timing. Other than that, everything is answered with pure subtlety. You can know Paul's career and the family situation by just looking around. The look on Cindy's face when Luke offers to "fix the chicken". She looks over his whole face, and you can see the love in her eyes. Luke's eyes when he meets his mother and tells her "I need all the help I can get with Maria." Even the most hateful characters are there for a reason. Even with the introduction of Zac in all his meanness. We are allowed learn of his way to protect Luke from the harsh world he is entering. All of these add up to incredible filmmaking.

I love this film, and have shared it with my family (excluding my wife, who still refuses to watch it). She can only take so much of this process that I am going through. I love her for the understanding that she can at this time afford. She did watch "Jobs" with me, a nice first step. "Jobs" is what made things click for my long time friend who has battled to find out why I act like I do. I remember him calling me and saying "You need to watch this movie, It's you!" I saw an image of myself in John Elder Robison while watching a "Mystery Diagnosis" about him and Asperger's. Sure with I could find that documentary somewhere, but it doesn't show on any episode lists, go figure.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

It's wonderful to be here! Es maravilloso estar aquí!

I am truly feeling so great! Usually that happens when I am ready for some big fall. I have nowhere to fall from. Strange feeling. I am starting to fixate on this subject a bit. Gonna have to find some moderation. Otherwise, I am not As*hole Scott, Spiff, Aspie Scott, or depressed Scott, I'm just Scott. And I'm going to be alright.

Thank you to this wonderful community. You are truly the best therapy I could have imagined. I hope to be able to help others the way I have been helped.

Side note, inflection of speech seems to transcend language barriers. If you know how to say "wonderful" and "maravilloso" the same inflection in the language you grew up with sounds very pretty to listen to in your second language. Just thought of this, I'm not sure if it is true or not. Got a couple of years in on the Rosetta Stone. Love it!