Hi I'm new, wondering at my age if there is much point to discussing issues, I go to my doctor with various complaints, mention I may be an aspie, the doctors eyes glaze over and only grunts issue from them after this. They don't want to know or help at all. Been called a ret*d all my life, usually prefixed by the "F" bomb. Always had low paid crap jobs often with some maniacal bully in charge, walked out of so many of those after a meltdown. My family have shunned me all my life, 30 years ago my wife of six months threw me out saying there is something "not right" about me. I feel terribly alone and trapped in a pointless empty existence, religious people have tried to pump all sorts of ridiculous dogma into my mind, I can't believe in any deity who would do this to people, its just too crule an idea. Doctors are unhelpful, I think mostly they have written me off as my family has. At work they patronise me as if I am a 2 year old. Nearly 60 years old and they still refer to me as "boy". They keep me on due to my robotic work ethic, there every day on time, talk about nothing except work, and always improve any process in the factory I am asked to do. I have lifted production due to my ideas but still remain on the minimum wage, all my money goes on transport to work and back, as if my whole existence is to work, consume, be silent and die. At lunch time I always sit alone and speak to no one. I have little hope for humanity, no one is listening to the warnings of climate change, seems the species will be gone in a few generations, governments seem not to care, little people like me hide in bedrooms to escape the horror of normal life. Love to me seems like some kind of transaction, theres no rainbow in my clouds. Tried joining some aspie support groups but they are for young people with early diagnosis, they seem all to have had early interventions and promote a positive attiude that is foreign to me, I am so damaged by various abuses I can't see any way out of this funk. My nephew is severly autistic but has been taught to suppress it, he does not identify as an aspie and seems to avoid discussion of his issues and will not broach the subject with me. He has loving his family around him and seems to live a fullfilling life. I like to do crafts and sewing but cannot sell my own work as I dont believe in myself much, I hate dealing with anything official like tax and stuff, hated school, which I saw as abuse mostly due to the bullying, failed every year I attended until they threw me out.Life is a cruel joke and the bullies are laughing all the way to the bank.
20 Sep 2014, 4:51 pm
Welcome
