Hi I am messed up

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**WARNING THERE WILL BE BAD LANGUAGE**

my whole life I have felt like I cannot keep a relationship, keep friendships, I can't keep anything. I am so f****d in the head. I try so hard and then get so upset people don't try hard with me.
I have only recently discovered Aspergers about 4 months ago and after reading about it it felt like someone had written it based on me. I was shocked. I didnt know what this was, I couldn't believe someone had written something that related to me so much, it was literally like it was written about me, so the more I read into Aspergers the more I discovered myself.
but this didnt help, I was so happy for a bit that I can now understand why I am this way. When I told my mum she acted as though I was just making excuses for my actions, this pissed me off.
I feel so bad, I don't want special treatment but people like me deserve it and need it or we won't excel.
Me and my girlfriend keep fighting, like about things for e.g. today we organised to meet up at 12:30...she didnt text me or tell me whats going on till 12 saying shes still at the baby shower and hasn't packed up yet...it comes to 12:45 and I had tried to call and text her many times to find out whats going on and she didnt say anything 1pm now and she says shes been asleep. (why she didnt text me apologising telling me she needs to have a nap I don't know) It got to 2 before she finally answered my call and tells me shes on her way home to unpack and pick up her son, then she said shes going to get a massage. I tried to call and she wouldnt answer my calls. She finally did and we had a fight because I was pissed off its now 1.5 hours from the time we were meant to hang out and she didnt bother to apologise or keep me updated, or try hard to get here quick.
So she told me to get stuffed because I was getting upset and 'talking to her rudely'
I hung up on her. And I told her how I just feel like I want to be dead. and if it wasn't for my kids I would be dead now.
She didnt say much. Like if someone told me that I would race to their aid to help cheer them up.
I feel so lost and lonely, I have no friends what so ever, no family really. Only her, and I feel like I am not much to her. I am an alcoholic and havent drank in 2 years and just decided to get a 6 pack of beers and now I am drinking.
Weed really helps me, it stops my mind from scattering, like right now I can't think straight I can't explain how my head feels, it just won't let me!! !!

But I can't smoke weed because that upsets her because its 'illegal' I told her just because its illegal doesnt mean its wrong. I have tried talking to councillors, I have tried meds, I have tried herbal meds, nothing has worked, weed is the only thing thats helped me but I can't use it because she hates it now.

I need someone to talk to

Well... *cyber hugs* I remember the despair of knowing that my mind is so different than everyone else's and not having any answers. The feeling of shock is apparently pretty common. I know when I read about it I had the same feeling, sort of like reading a story someone had written about my life.

Anyway, I do have to go to bed now, so I can't really talk. Good luck finding the answers you need.

sometime when you can discuss it calmly, let her know that you were worried when she didn't show up and didn't call or text. let her know that in the future you would appreciate communication. if she gets upset let her rant, but don't get upset back. just stay calmly firm in what you need from her - a little courtesy.

OK, first thing is DO NOT PANIC ! stay calm.

Second thing, if I was you I would try and get the alcohol problem under control. If you have been a problem drinker then maybe the best thing for you to do is avoid all alcohol.

Third thing, about this woman you are in a relationship with. You wrote having children. Mr Jeremy Kyle might be not to everyone's taste but he is right when he says that a person can be a failure as a partner but still be a good parent. If you are a father you need to work out how you are going to parent your child in a good way. Even if the relationship with the woman breaks down.

4th thing, this girlfriend. Do you want to be with her or not. You need to talk to her when you are sober. Try to work through your differences.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Hey sixshooter welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You're not messed up. You're just preparing to get organized!