New guy here.... HELP ! !!

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Hello everyone...

Found out about a year and a half ago that i have Aspergers... Which to be honest answered a lot of my struggles through life, never solved them, but at least gave me some understanding...

My diagnosis come about after my son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 3 (he is now 7) and my wife who had done a lot of reading on autism, started to see similarities between what she was reading to how i am...

After seeing a local health professional, she was announced to me that "Yes you are quite high up on the scale of an Aspergic person".. Which totally blew my mind for a while...

So now i have a reason for being so socially awkward, why my emotions to certain things just dont seem to exsist, why going out somewhere can make me physically sick days before the event.. Why i hated going to the pub, why i feel like i'm on a totally different planet/thinking level, to everyone else... and loads more..

But none of this has actually helped me cope with anything better, if anything i feel worse...
I have faked my way through life, constantly hiding my true self away, and letting people only see a fake strong determined me instead (this is not me in reality)

I am married with 4 kids, i constantly struggle with this, the noise the kids make, pleasing the Wife in the right ways, and i feel like my constant trying to be a "normal" partner, good father is taking it's toll on my mental health...
Struggling to fit in into a family life, struggling to keep my desire to lock my self into a quiet room away from people in check, finding it hard not being able to focus my brain into a certain activity with out feeling bad about it or doing it at the wrong time...

Just everything in life laterly seems to be either to much, or i am just doing it wrong... Arghhhh....

Am i really going to be like this forever more ??

How do you carry on living a "normal" life, when no-one else around you gets what a normal life is for you ??

I often feel that i would just be better off, on a island away from everyone else.... Which sadness me as i do love my wife n kids, very much...
I just don't know how much longer i can carry on trying to fake my way through this, it's all getting to much...

Is this normal for an Aspie ???

Hi, CokeCan----nice to meetcha!!

Yes, that's all very normal, for an Aspie! Yes, most of us have faked our way through life, struggled daily, and wished, often, that we could live on an island----and, yes, this will be forever more. The best thing that you did, though, was coming here----you'll learn a TON of things, and hopefully, not only will you feel less alone, but you'll also gain some confidence.

As for your wife and kids----hopefully, they can understand the "give and take" thing----understand that you will give all you can, but then you'll need some "recuperation time", where you can just go in your bedroom, for instance, and be alone, for awhile, and read the newspaper, or be on the computer, or whatever.

Here's to stronger, less stressful, more understanding days, ahead!

Take care,

Cat

Hi CokeCan
If you post some questions, read some older threads... I think you will notice that others here have similar experiences to yours. Just talking to others that understand helped me, many here have developed coping strategies for lives just like yours.
Welcome to WP

Hi there Campin-cat...

Thank you for taking the time to respond...

It's still all very new to me, and something that i struggle to get to grips with..

Any pointers in the right direction are gladly received...

And it is good to know that others feel like this, after spending 42 odd years thinking i was alone in this way of thinking/living..

Nice to meet you too..

Thank you Amity...
There sure is a lot to read, and knowing me i'm gonna get into trouble trying to find the time to read it all, lol..
Thank you, i wish i had found this forum a year n half ago..
I am hoping to now to find some positives and stop feeling so negative about it all...
Thank you

Hello Coke Can ! I agree with the other posters here. Read as much as you can about autism from the forum posts of wrongplanet. Slowly, you will find that you are not wrong or flawed in any way. Read about the coping mechanisms as well. Being an Aspie myself, it was very hard for me to like myself in the past. But now, after gathering much knowledge and information, I feel much better than ever before, more free and liberated. You need to have time for yourself -explain to your wife ( she is aware of autism as you have mentioned) that there are certain environments that gives you more happiness over others ( like being alone in a room, not going out that much, etc.etc.). Also you may like to develop some solitary pursuits like gardening, cooking, reading books on autism ( if you are not doing that already )-these pursuits will give you some joy and satisfaction and some sense of control over your own life.
You can share with us in your next post what do you like doing the most-your hobbies,or how you love to pass time, what makes you happy, etc.etc. All the best.

Thank you abeautifulmind

I am going to dive into the forums and read as much as i can...
It is good to know that i am not alone out there in a world of "Normal" thinking people...
I really do hope that i can shake this feeling of, feeling alone even though i have my wife and children around me...
And would love to come to a more settled thought of me again...
I do feel that the pressure i feel fighting to be a normal family person has left an impact on my general everything and as the time goes on i'm slowly but surely getting worse...

I feel so low on energy most of the time, the noise, the manic activities of the children, the constant demands and the very little time to dive into my own likes and interests a proper struggle to cope with...

Which when i write it, seems to come across as being very selfish, and my brain freezes with whats right and wrong here...

Anyways.. Thank you again.... i do appreciate it

Hey CokeCan welcome.

I absolutely agree with all the above posters and would have to say that wp is the one place where I've felt like I belonged and understood. Getting the diagnosis is hard but hopefully you'll be able to find some answers and comradeship here. Welcome ☺

welcome

For all those that took to the time to respond, thank you....