Fell through the cracks, too old to be diasgnosed? Part 1

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My dad was in the navy so I never stayed in one place for very long, sometimes only a couple of months at a time. I was pretty "normal" until sixth grade. That is when the nonstop teasing and alienation started. This happened no matter where I was in the country, from Virginia Beach to Portland, OR. I eventually was accepted by the "bad" kids: the pot heads, burn outs, druggies etc. It's real funny how these outcasts accepted me. Why do they get a bad reputation? The boy scouts and church kids all hated me, though.

Remember, I have lived on both the east coast and west coast. No matter where I go I am always teased and alienated by the "normal" people and welcomed by the misfits. I want to be perfectly clear that I am talking about functional drug users with no criminal or destructive tendencies. I am and have never been a criminal or an addict, and I do not associate with major criminals or addicts. The worst thing I have ever done is drive without a licence.

I was getting teased and alienated before I started smoking pot and cigarettes at 13. I did not like alcohol and only did mushrooms twice at 15 and 16. I was a very heavy pot smoker, however. In fact, I could not even get high at first when I moved to the east coast. The pot in Northern California and Oregon was way stronger, at least in the mid to late 90's.

End part 1

Those more popular are always trying to push the less popular down in order to maintain their position. Those on the bottom, unless they desire to move up, have no reason to do that. I've always found outcasts to be far more accepting than those who are "mainstream".

It's unfortunate moving did not improve your situation as it did mine. When I moved instead of being a target for others I was able to be invisible. I've spent time with people like you've described as well but didn't partake in those activities. Never saw the point in doing drugs personally but I did smoke since I was 12, I've since quit.

Not really sure where this is all going but hi anyway. haha

Hey heffe1981 welcome.

I forgot to add this about my childhood. When I was little one of my friends told the rest of us that we could eat clovers and we all did and they were good. Later on, he said I should try to elephant ears, which are poisonous. Long story short I ended up getting poisoned. I do not know if it was all the adults yelling at me or the poisoning, but I was constantly obsessed about being poisoned and would compulsively wash my hands and even then I would not even eat with my hands. For some reason I thought I had to run the silverware under hot water for it to be clean. I was seriously underweight so I was sent to a psychiatrist, diagnosed with OCD, and put on prozac at 8 years old. I was over my OCD by about 10, and could even eat stuff off the floor, as per the 5-second rule.

I still have more to say about my teenage years in part 2, but I posted the above information and the following in my welcoming response to aspierabbit44 here http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=296503&p=6834977#p6834977

Some people say I still show signs even now of OCD because I like to follow certain rules, but this is more of an autism thing I think. I do like to follow a set schedule and some of my rules may seem odd at first, but I will happily explain them and back them with logic. I do not totally freak out if my schedule or rules are not followed, but I will let the person know that it bothers me and try to handle the situation like the adult I am. Unfortunately, there are a lot of adult children out there. I am not referring to an "adult child" in the sense of an individual's age or mental capacity; I have known adults of all ages throwing temper tantrums, just like on the other side of the coin I have known many responsible teenagers.

I am still going to write about my teenage years tomorrow, but I wanted to get this down before I go to bed. I was never "officially" diagnosed with autism because I did not try to get mental help again until I was 26. They diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I was watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles one day and mentioned to the therapist that I may have Aspergers. I am trying to find a clip of the show, but it was S02E6 "The Tower is Tall but the Fall is Short". In the episode, the terminator robot "girl" talks to a therapist and the therapist tells the terminators "mom" that the robot may have Aspergers. The therapist, of course, does not know that the terminator is a machine. It is a really good show, but I keep getting off track. Anyway, I told my therapist that I may have Aspergers and they sent me to get tested at the Office for People With Developmental Disabilities. The results of test were that I do show signs of autism, but I was denied help from the office because I did not have documentation that the symptoms showed up before 22, which I could not convince them of. I have since had more testing including a neurological test, and lots of psychological evaluations, which all point to me being on the autism spectrum.

That is all good, but you've said very little about your social interactions.

Also, do you have any sensory issues or repetitive behaviours?

They need evidence and examples of the traits when you were a kid. There are plenty of members older than you that were diagnosed in their 50s or later so you're never too old. But if these signs didn't show up until after 18 they're looking for something different entirely. So I'd try to see what symptoms you had in early development (before age 3) and also under 18.

The OP might not remember what he was like 3 or younger. Also, I think it is more valuable to look at when you started going to school.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Parents may do, though. I was asked a lot about that timeframe which is why I mentioned it.

I am getting to that. I really am doing this as a sort of autobiography. I will edit my posts here for an introduction in my profile, as well. I tend to ruminate and over think things. It's going to be a few days or even weeks before this is done.



If I am in public I tend to get "horse blinders" or "tunnel vision" and my peripheral vision will almost disappear. This has led me to totally miss seeing people I know. I remember lots of times people will tell me that I walked right past them like I did not notice them at all. I am just learning about stimms. I thought they were just something that I did subconsciously. I never realized they were part of autism. I clear my throat constantly. I also do what I call "parroting" were I will repeat noises and dialogue from media like games, movies, etc. As a child, I would always make high pitched noises and even used made up words. I am trying to remember the other words, but I definitely remember "basamba". The ninja turtles were at their most popular when I was a kid, so I think "basamba" was the word I made up to go along with their words, "bummer", "dude", "bogus", "radical", "far-out", "tubuloso", "bodacious", and possibly the most recognized, "cowabunga".

I also used to "peel" my fingernails. I guess the best way to describe this would be that it is very similar to biting nails, but instead of biting the overgrown nails to trim them I would use the edge of one of my fingernails to make a slice in the side of another one. It is kind of like the "easy open" packages. I would then peel the overgrown part off. This did not really do any serious damage most of the time, and it seemed more sanitary than biting my nails. I did bleed a couple of times if I "peeled" wrong. I stopped doing that in my late teens and I trim my nails with a nail clipper now.

I have always played around with objects. I still do it sometimes even now without realizing it. I will do different things with the same item as well. With straws I will blow bubbles into the liquid, pump the straw up and down in the lid to make a noise, and fold the straw into various shapes. I will also put the wrapper on the end of the straw and blow into it to launch it. I will tear the wrapper into pieces or just twist it up. I do this with many objects, too many to list.

Last edited by heffe1981 on 27 Oct 2015, 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am confused about my diagnosis, which is why I came to this forum. I tend to ruminate and over think things. It's going to be a few days or even weeks before this is done. I really do not want to go into much detail. I started getting mental help when I told one of my college instructors that I was having a lot of anxiety issues. He suggested that the college has money set aside to pay for mental health issues and I started getting mental health treatment at around 26, like I said in a previous post.

They diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I was watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles one day and mentioned to the therapist that I may have Aspergers. I am trying to find a clip of the show, but it was S02E6 "The Tower is Tall but the Fall is Short". In the episode, the terminator robot "girl" talks to a therapist and the therapist tells the terminators "mom" that the robot may have Aspergers. The therapist, of course, does not know that the terminator is a machine. It is a really good show, but I keep getting off track. Anyway, I told my therapist that I may have Aspergers and they sent me to get tested at the Office for People With Developmental Disabilities on 1/13/10.

The "procedures used" section lists: clinical interview; Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale-Fifth Edition; Adaptive Behavior Assessment System-Second Edition; review of record; Autism Diagnostic Interview-Revised. In the "conclusions and recommendations" section it said "Given the present findings it appears that Jeff displays symptoms which are consistent with Asperger's Disorder. Based on the present assessment it appears that Jeff would be eligible to receive services through OMRDD (Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities) and would benefit significantly from assistance vocationally and residentially."

This was the first of many assessments I had and I will eventually scan and post them all. On 10/04/10 I received a letter from the newly renamed Office for People with Developmental Disabilities. (Prior to July 2010, the agency was named the Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities) That stated that I was NOT ELIGIBLE for services from OMRDD and the decision was made due to the following: No information regarding cognitive or adaptive abilities prior to age 22 was provided. I thought that was the end. You have to understand that by this time I had not worked since February 2009 and I was about to give up and live on the streets. I had no income and was living on college loans and credit cards that I am still not able to pay even to this day.

Around 2012 I had a new therapist who asked me why I never applied for social security. I did not think I was eligible given the OMRDD nonsence, but he sent me for a Neuropsychologicxal evaluation on 5/2/12. This was a much more intense evauation and I am too tired to list it right now. In the resulting letter from the Neuropsychologist it does say "After recieving a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome.." so I am stumped. It was my understanding that when OMRDD denied me for services their prior evaluation of "Given the present findings it appears that Jeff displays symptoms which are consistent with Asperger's Disorder." was null and void. I guess it may be possible that someone must have made a diagnosed me along the way without my knowlege.

All of the letters are very confusing so I will scan them and post them when I can. I was able to get on Social Security disabilty because of the letters, and I currently make $766 a month. I also get HEAP (Home Energy Assistance Program) and SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). These have kept me warm, fed, (I have actually gotten pretty fat) and off the streets but I still have trouble paying off my student loans and credit card debts that I had to live on earlier. I was never able to finish college and have since run out of financial aid. I am still looking for work, but my spotty work history and lack of transportation severely limit my employability, not to mention most people think I am crazy or a killer. I live almost 3 miles away from the nearest bus stop. It is very dangerous walking along the roads in the winter time in upstate NY. Winter is comming, indeed. I am trying to get help finding a job or going back to college through Access-VR (formally VESID). It is my understanding that they offer many services besides finding a job. No one can give me a straight answer but I read about people getting things like loans for college, laptops, etc. I even read about someone getting monetary help starting a small buisness from ACCESS-VR. Anyway I really want to work, I am getting bored and fat sitting around the house all day.

most college loans can be forgiven in the event of disability. you might try calling your loan servicer to see how to do this.

Thank you for your advice. I sent all the letters I mentioned documenting my diagnosis plus the letters that they asked for from social security and they denied me. I cant remember the name of the document they asked for from social security. It was not a benefit letter. It was something that I had to ask for specifically and I guess it has something to do with a future medical review or something. They said this was why I was denied and something about me not being permanently disabled. My "therapist" said that the mental health clinic can help me get the loans forgiven, but I will never be able to work again. I don't think she knows what she is talking about, because she is a social worker, not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I cannot see a real mental health provider because no one accepts medicaid or medicare. No one seems to be able to give me a clear answer. I am just glad that I am not homeless. I will be more than willing to pay them back if I can get a job through ACCESS-VR. If I go back to school the loans will be put on hold again, but I can't go back because I ran out of financial aid.

The government likes to have these little loopholes. I remember getting my food stamps taken away when my "case worker" asked me if I was in college. I later received a letter that said I could not get food stamps unless I worked part time. So let's get this straight. A person who stays at home and does absolutely nothing and does not work or go to college can get food stamps. But if a person wants to increase their employability by going to college they can't get food stamps?