A couple of years ago a sociopathic friend of mine...

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A couple of years ago a sociopathic friend of mine recommended this website to me, unfortunately the name "Wrong Planet" struck a cord within me, and so I never did join. Indeed, the name still doesn't sit all that well with me, but I've since learned that we don't always have to appreciate the wrapping to appreciate that which is wrapped within.

After all, it was an article of interest posted on these very Forums that brought me back after all this time, but of course that is neither here nor there, as this is supposed to be an introductory post, and so now I intend to do just that.

Assuming the nicknaming system works the way that I think it does, then my real name should be revealed to you, if not, then hello, my name is Craig, it's pleasure to meet you.

I hail from the ancient and equally proud country of Scotland, her Capital City in fact, the City of Edinburgh, known famously as the City of Literature. Though those of us within the Autistic spectrum have come to think of it as the City of Autism, or the Autistic Hub of the nation, if not in name, then certainly in practice. I've had the great pleasure of meeting well over 2000 people with Autism, and all them I met here in the city of my birth, a city that I both love and cherish, despite it's many flaws.

In case I didn't say it above, I have Autism. It's been some 18 years now since I was diagnosed. I was one of the earlies too. Those whose parents had struggled long and hard to cope with what during that time could only be described as a problem child, and so in their desperation, far past the point of breaking, they agreed to allow Doctors to run an extensive battery of tests to find the root of that which troubled me. I of course was not alone in this, there are many earlies, and not just from Edinburgh. Of course the only ones I know of are here, but I believe it's safe to assume we were not the only ones. Those I'd spoken to almost seemed scarred by the event, and have great difficulty talking about. Unlike my peers however, I actually possess fond memories of that time, though they are somewhat faded now, and may simply fallen prey to the ravages of nostalgia. In either case, it holds a special place in my thoughts as one the few memories that truly stand out in that period of time in my life, and is an important time to reflect upon for me.

It may not be apparent this early on, but I have a nasty habit of going on random tangents that more often than not don't actually go anywhere, so getting straight to the brass tacks then.

Those with the kind of Autism I have are most often termed as "Little Philosophers" assuming your familiar that term, the subcategory of that "Little Dreamers" is somewhat less known, but again, assuming your familiar that term, that is where I am on the spectrum. Your first response to this may be to question how exactly I'm able to talk to you right now, after all "Little Dreamers" are among the lowest functioning within the spectrum. The short answer is an extremely rough and violent childhood, made survivable only by the loving care of those closest and dearest, my family and their friends.

The long answer.
I was born and raised on a council estate, essentially the British version of the projects. Even if I didn't have Autism, I'd still have been singled out as the odd man. Right now I'm almost seven foot in height, so you can imagine how tall I was as a child. To paint a better picture, not only was I always tallest in every year (including secondary) I was always the tallest in the year above me too. So as you might have already guessed, the usual defense mechanisms most commonly employed by "Little Dreamers" such as sinking into background and escaping all notice, was immediately denied to me right from the word go. I drew a considerable amount of attention from peers and teachers alike. However, I sincerely believe that I may yet have gotten through unscathed if the media back then had been a little more modern. Actually now that I'm typing it out, the image hasn't really changed. The painting of large people being extremely dense especially in cartoons aimed at children. Had I been of average size, I doubt my peers would have even noticed my learning difficulties. Alas, were it only so. The bullying was merciless and violent. My size had me towering over, I could not defend myself, in the classroom none of my retaliations could escape the teachers notice. The worst of it happened out of school, the worst event being when I was bludgeoned over the head with a piece of iron fencing, by boy three or four years older than myself, up to that point I'd never seen so much blood in my life. The scar is barely visible now, especially under my hair, but I imagine that when I go bald, it will make for interesting topic conversation for those that inquire on it. After that happened, my parents quickly moved us away from there into a lower middle class low residential area. I had some measure of peace at the new school, unfortunately those lower middle class children were much less physically developed than the those I had grown accustomed to, and I so I was introduced to psychological bullying, my response to which was a physical retaliation. Now that I'm older, and I reflect on that moment, I imagine the revelation that those children had must have been one of great shock alarm. My own revelation was finding myself in the unique position of being introduced into a large population whose only modus operandi was to retaliate with hurtful words. I imagine to be akin to feeling fox must feel when trapped in a chicken coop full of chickens. In that moment I'd become the bully, and I finally knew peace for a time. No one even attempted to bully me, because it had become known that I'd retaliate with full force. My ultimate downfall. Some of those children had older brothers, teenagers, and against them I was no match. Fortunately, at that time my family decided that was time to move into a proper house, and it was at this time I was enrolled into a school for gifted children.

It would seem that when a "Little Dreamer" is not permitted the peace and time to sponge out and soak up all the required information needed to create their functional bubble worlds in early development, they become (as it is with me) too invested in this reality, that become incapable of doing so later on in life. That being said, like almost all "Awakened Dreamers" (the term that I use for it, most likely not used by many) I have extremely vivid hallucinations. The source of many nightmares as a child, and likely cause of behind the Insomnia I developed as a Teenager, now chronic, which I believe is due to the habit forming and obsessive nature that is so prevalent among those of our kind that I've come into contact with.
Long version finished.

The school for gifted children that I attended was, and still is, what I consider to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. They had a curriculum just like any other school, but their focus was (essentially) managing mental illnesses. I entered that school low functioning, and left it high functioning. Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned there that holds true even today, is that Autism can be nullified. I'd say cured, but my view of Autism isn't that of a disease or virus. I've come to think of Autism as a gift, one whose benefits can't self learned, but instead have to be taught, but if a child doesn't want or can't handle it, then it can be unlearned.

Nowadays there is a greater focus put into identifying Autism as early as possible, and more parents opt in favor of trying to understand what their children are going through, and the appropriate steps to teach them how to live with their Autism. Makes me a little jealous sometimes when I think about the amount of options, support and resources that are available emergent Aspies nowadays. Though I am genuinely glad that Autism awareness and understanding has developed to the level where such benefits are easily accessible and freely available. Gives me hope for the future.

Went off on another tangent, have to try and stay the course.

So information about me... Well there wasn't an option for revealing it when Registering, but I am a man, a very tall, and well built man. I didn't apologize before, but I do feel a little bad for breaking the stereotypical image of what "Little Dreamer" brings to mind.

Having already mentioned hallucinations, I suppose I should tell of my other issues, as I'm sure if you're familiar with the "Little Dreamers" archetype, you're probably wonder how a vivid imagination translates to hallucinations. Autism is not the cause of my hallucinations, though it is a factor. Rather it is the extreme level of sleep deprivation brought on by chronic Insomnia, combined with Autism, multiplied by the "Little Dreamer" archetype, and fueled by the stimming nature of the hallucinations.

The other side of sleep deprivation, is extreme memory degradation. How it was explained to me is like this, when you go to sleep your brain uploads that days events into memories that depending on their usefulness, either get committed to long term, or short term memory. The longer your awake, the fuller your disk space of events becomes, your upload speed isn't unlimited, though the cap is quite high. However if you continue to run at full disk space over and extended period of time, eventually your subconscious is going to start deleting excess disk space to make space for new events, since it knows by now that the cap has been pushed to it's limit. Fortunately, this is an active issue, not a static one, and is instantly resolved by getting adequate sleep, which is easier said than done.

Another issue that is brought about by sleep deprivation, is Euphoria Syndrome, more commonly known as the permanent/ultimate high, except with all the clarity and maturity intact. Incidentally, in case anyone was curious, feeling a long lasting sense of happiness and contentment while having full clarity of yourself and your surroundings is not a good feeling. It numbs your other emotions, and leaves you with an overpowering sense of not being in control, of losing yourself. Thankfully, I have to go somewhere in the regions of 80-100 hours without sleep before it kicks in. These days I usually only go 24-30 hours without sleep. Though there is that near mythic rare moment when I'll go almost two weeks without sleep, and it rears it's ugly head.

I was once diagnosed as having ASPD, though it turned out to be a misdiagnosis, thanks largely to the support of few sociopathic and psychopathic friends, some whom I'd known since primary, had insisted that I couldn't possibly have ASPD, and insisted on a retest. Rather than do the same test twice, she approached the testing procedure from a completely different angle with a broader scale of testing. Of course it was revealed that I did not have any form of ASPD, rather I am extremely pragmatic, in my personal opinion, dangerously so.

One of the tests centered on my indifference to the cruelty and suffering of animals. This test initially puzzled the Doctor, as she questioned why I showed great affection when I came into direct contact with animals, but could feel nothing for the affection or suffering of animals displayed on videos. A visit to a pet home with abysmal reviews quickly revealed that I had a great indifference to the suffering of most animals, with the exception of rabbits. Apparently I'm a rabbit person, I do love rabbits, a very practical animal the rabbit. Raising a rabbit is a very rewarding experience, moreover Scottish society heavily reinforces the idea of eating rabbits, and making use of their soft furs. Indeed, the idea of killing your pet rabbits before they get too old, and taking them to your grandmother to make a stew with them is still an accepted and practiced tradition. Going over all the data again, she concluded that all the animals I had previously been tested with were the pets of my closest friends that agreed to participate in the test. The conclusion being that I care nothing for the animals, but care very deeply about what those animals mean to my friends. I would subconsciously demonstrate my gratitude to these animals by rewarding them with overwhelming affection for their usefulness to those closest and dearest to me, by being their closest and dearest.

The end result in it it's basic form, is that I genuinely love humans more than animals, and the gap between that love stretches to the horizon. If an animal is in distress, I will go out of my way to rescue it, not because I care what happens to the animal, but because I fear the potential damage that it could to other people that would be affected by the sight of such event.

Incidentally, how I arrived at this way of thinking is rooted in both my Autism and my Allergies. Direct contact with a dog will ruin my entire day, direct contact with a cat could potentially ruin my entire week. Given the black and white nature of Autism, and it's predisposition towards extremism. Take that to it's most pragmatic conclusion, then factor in that all mainstream pet owners have either a cat or dog, or in some cases both, and likelihood that you'll have a lot ruined days becomes absurdly high. It's hard to love something that regularly ruins your life, at the same time it's hard to hate something that does so unintentionally, it is however easy to see the joy that pets bring to their owners.

Assuming you're still reading this, and haven't written me off as some kind of troll. Then I'm very surprised, all too often those of us with Autism are branded trolls for lending voice to our often very unique and obscure thoughts and opinions. I do not know this Community yet, but the Autistic people that I often communicate with have a very strong / borderline obsessive interest in subjects such as Education, Medicine, Philosophy, Politics, Psychology and Religion. Sadly these tend to be heavy issues even under the best circumstances, and given the glass cannon nature prevalent among those with Autism (we're very good a dishing it out, but not so very good at receiving it). So I'm curious if such discussions are permitted on these Forums.

Additional information and traits

I am...

Caring
Carefree
Cheerful
Curious
Direct
Eccentric
Efficient
Enthusiastic
Hopeful
Idealistic
Inquisitive
Lawful
Kind
Loyal
Methodical
Nostalgic
Passionate
Patient
Pragmatic
Open-minded
Optimistic
Outgoing
Religious
Respectful
Structured
Traditional
Whimsical

Things I believe in...

Entitlements
Environmentalism
Equality
Freedom
Idealism
Globalization
Humanitarianism
Meritocracy
Pacifism
Order
Utilitarianism
Welfarism

Here's hoping there's no word limit, still ctrl + a and ctrl + c, just to be sure.

I am completely envious that you could produce such a long post. The post I'm trying to make is only a fraction as long and gets eaten by the "captcha" fairies as one other poster put it.

I was also born in Edinburgh but was not aware it was the autism capital of the U.K. you make it sound like Zion.

No informed person would think that you were a troll, your posting style has nothing of the MO of a troll.

Trolls, look for inconsistancies in what people say and take pleasure in revealing those inconsistancies to that person making them angry in the process.

They are repliers usually not people who start threads usually.

hi, craig. welcome. what, besides rabbits, interests you?

I started writing it just moments after I joined, which around five AM this morning. Still envious?



I imagine the Autistic Capital of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (Hmm... Probably should added patriotic to that list) would be London (though I would be guessing) I was referring to Scotland.

Hey Idealist welcome.

Firefly!

You sir have excellent taste.

Now, off to YouTube to play the Jaynestown folk song.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to the planet - your digressions are good, though maybe it's the right thing to regularly return to the point as you do.

I can digress upon digression verbally with knight's move thinking like I'm trying to build little constellations of meaning, but in writing it's all hammered down, nice and tight.