Starting to wonder after denying for many years Asperger's?

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Ok before I begin I should start by saying there are disabilities I have been diagnosed with but I myself personally do not believe I have Asperger's. There have been far more then a handful of people in my life that have said they think I do and my replies have ranged from denial to eviscerating their argument to outright rage.

I have no idea why it upsets me so much when people say they think I have it but it does. Sometimes it is said out of concern or spite either way though this is one thing in my life that is very hard for me to even remotely believe is the case.

I don't know if this is brought about by fear or doubt perhaps both but often as I deny and pick apart their arguments I start to question myself "I know I don't but do I?"

I have been raised to respect people from all walks of life races,sex,nationality,religion,disabled,sexually etc. I have absolutely zero tolerance for discrimination towards anyone yet am a hypocritical in one regard as I find myself hating racists. The reason I say all this is J Might Start To Talk Angrily About Asperger's Here And I want to make it as clear as I possibly can that I have no intent to upset or offend anyone with Asperger's my anger is a mix between confusion/denial of whether I do or don't and just getting upset at people who tell me I do.

So I am here on a forum specializing in the autism spectrum found on Google to find out once and for all as I list my myriad amount of quirks whether I Am Right That I don't have it or whether I am just in denial. If J Am Right I will be able to give proof to the next family member who tells me. If you in this community think I do though after the very detailed information I am about to give well I guess I will just have to accept it then.

First I will go over the many reasons I don't believe I have Asperger's based off of my knowledge of it. Then I will give specific examples that have occurred recently that make me think maybe there is some truth to it after all.

Ok so my understanding of the basic gist of the telltale signs (and who knows this could just be me being poorly informed)

Difficulty in social situations? I used to be very shy but about 10 years ago that changed. Suddenly I became far more personable.

Another thing I have heard is how mechanically calculated people with Asperger's think? I have never been like this I have ADD and often find it difficult to focus on tasks by often what I really mean is I am thinking 50 things at once and struggling to complete 1 or 2 of them and may stop one task in the middle to jump to task 20 even if I should have completed task 3-19 first.
So my brain is definitely not organized and mechanical it is a chaotic mess of random information. In addition I hate math actually I despise it and have even got panic attacks during basic math tests before.

I suspect this next part is just Hollywood depiction nonsense but media would lead you to believe that those with Asperger's are neurotic not emphatic of others and have difficulty telling people's emotions? Not to say that they don't care about others but have difficulty telling whether or not people like or dislike something they said?
This is the one I least identify with I care more for others then myself usually and practically have a nearly superhuman ability to detect the thought feelings and intents of others. I can almost always tell when someone is lying to me or whether when they say they are ok they are really ok or just don't want to talk about what is bothering them.

There are other smaller inconsistencies but those are the biggest ones. Now on to what is causing my doubt.

Let's get the science out of the way first whoever runs the the DSM manual has already suddenly insisted as of a few years ago to lump any mental disorder regarding focus attention and social situations into one category. So suddenly because specific people decided it Autism,Asperger's,ADD, ADD and a myriad of other disorders all are suddenly part of what is known as "The Autism Spectrum"
So science already has decided that if I have ADD I have autism. I find this to be a lazy way to group together very different disorders and a complete disservice to the medical and scientific community. For all of these mental disabilities have hundreds and hundreds of books studies thesis and dissertationsp? Clearly defining the many differences between them and now all of a sudden we just get lumped into one category? Why so big pharma can peddle their wares to the autism spectrum instead of having to individually specify which drugs treat which specific disorders or is so a healthcare provider can ramp up fees or deny service based off of fitting into subcategories instead of specifics. It's a groom over generalization and I find it incredibly insulting. I have ADD and some mild dyslexia that is what I have now science decides to pigeonhole people into convenient categories? I don't buy it for a second. But I am not a scientist or a doctor so every once in awhile I do start to wonder about it.


About 4 or so years ago I was in an argument with my sister and she said "Ok whatever Sheldon!" Referring to Sheldon cooper from the big bang theory. I flipped out on her destroying her argument and listing over 20 detailed reasons why she was wrong how wrong she was and I didn't do so in a nice way. I eviscerated any rebuttal she gave. I won the argument by a landslide. Once I went home though I started to think about it and it was nagging at me. She called me Sheldon I flipped out and gave the reasons why I am nothing like Sheldon but I did so in a very Sheldonesque way. She insulted me and she is wrong and I am going to prove to her how wrong she is. In that moment I had no regard for her feelings in any way my goal was to destroy her argument to show her how wrong she was to offend her as she had offended me and I did so with no qualms of whether I would offend her or blow things out of proportion. My goal was to prove to her just how little I had in common with Sheldon how dare her call me Sheldon how dare she! I actually ended up making her cry. I felt bad about it hours later but in that moment I didn't care I had won I was victorious I bet she will never call me Sheldon again.

Typing that makes me come to another thought. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" To me this is one of the least useful most inaccurate well known quotes in the world. I would put it right up there with "the world is flat" Words are and always have been my weapon of choice I brandish their poisonous blades with ease. I have an ex girlfriend who when she broke up with me said to me "You can take this as an insult or a compliment whichever you prefer but you would make a good police interrogator"

So then that got me thinking.
I have said so many times in life I don't have Asperger's because I am not good at math and you have to be logical but what if that is just one example of being logical surely the way in which I can deconstruct the words of what is said to me and the feelings people have is logical. Maybe My Logical Mechanical Aspect Has To Do Less With What Words Are In Front Of Me And More With What I feel and interpret from others?

I was bullied a lot as a kid there was one particular bully who would call me gay and tons of other students as well. It was his favorite word the only insult he knew those shoes are, the way you walk is, your friends are, your mom is, of course he could change things up a little bit sometimes he used different more vulgar synonyms. It got to the point where he called me gay so much I started to wonder am I?

I am not though I have plenty of friends and family that are and as mentioned in the beginning have no tolerance for discrimination. At the time though him saying these things to me had me questioning it for a solid 2 months. Once I realized I wasn't I decided to turn the tables on him. I walked up to him feigning genuine concern and compassion pretending to be friendly and understanding sat down and talked with him for about 20 minutes and by the end of it I had conviced him he was gay. I have no idea whether he is or isn't I was sick of him bullying me and others and was going to stop it period. It did too I never saw him call anyone gay again. He didn't stop being a bully but he never bullied me again and he never called anyone gay again. He thought I was his friend I wasn't and never would of been the one he treated others was despicable. You could even argue I pretty much brainwashed him.

Would I be able to do that if I had Asperger's? To me it seems like Sheldon doesn't do a good job of knowing when he does or doesn't offend someone he often doesn't get or understand things people say to him. Again though he is probably one of many types of Asperger's Hollywood just throws random traits of some people with Asperger's into a box and out comes the character sheldon.

I ramble alot on and on and on seemingly never ending. I Often Leave Comments Longer Then The Articles I am replying to and texts and emails I send to people are far longer then people are used to. On dating sites girls have mistaken me for being creepy when really if I see something on a profile say something like "please only message me if you have something interesting to say and actually read my profile"

I see a message like that and say to myself oh ok I have to make sure to give a really detailed response directly referencing obscure information in her profile. That way she knows I am not some random guy but actually care. I am thinking surely a message with this much time care and thought put into it will be received well! To the girl who gets it she thinks "why did this stranger I have never talked to once just send me a 10 paragraph introductory message." (Blocks)

She is thinking this guy must be horribly desperate and have nothing better to do to send a message this long. When in reality I send insanely long messages to everybody absolutely everybody. I am a writer who has written many many many things yet rarely finished anything. Because I have hundreds of unfinished projects. Not exaggerating. Books,poems,songs,sketches,movie scripts,invention ideas, webcomic ideas, videogames etc and so forth ad infinitium.

Yet I have an obsession with media in all forms so often spend most of my free time watching reading and playing the creations of others instead of finishing my own stuff.

They say people with Asperger's have a natural affinity towards a specific talent where the vast majority of their energy and time is laser focused on that one thing and everything else is tossed aside unimportant by comparison. I have 3 things in life I am very good at writing,entertainment, compassion and caring for others I often help people with their problems while ignoring my own.

Almost everything else in my life though I struggle with. Things that are supposed to be basic human nature. Cooking,cleaning, sleeping and eating well, working, organizing, dressing properly, planning plans upon plans upon plans but never executing any of them.

Also I have never been able to maintain eye contact with anyone for any reason for more then a few seconds at a time. It's not lazy eye syndrome though or anything like my thoughts move so fast my words and ears can't keep up so why would my eyes be able to?


But a lot of this stuff I have attributed to A.D.D. is it really Asperger's? I was at a Christmas party last night and I spoke with a history professor about the Cia in the 1960's with great intensity. As I was leaving the party he took me off to the side and said something about he thinks aspies are really cool and understands their difficulty said he has family that is and he gets it.

I was like wtf is aspies? (Knowing exactly what he meant but more like WHY does this guy think I have Asperger's?")

He clarifies aspies is short for Asperger's and looked at me incredulously like he was embarrassed at accidently insulting me.

Which he had. I replied I don't have Asperger's I have ADD dyslexia and recently got diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome which causes brain fog. Maybe you were referring to my fragmented speaking but that only happened very recently.

Then I got up and left the party without giving him a chance to respond. Pissed off that he thought I had Asperger's and pissed off that he might be right and pissed about that I didn't which one would piss me off more. I already have ADD dyslexia and chronic fatigue syndrome I don't yet another disability to add to all this.

So now about 5 hours later J Find Myself here. Having spent the last 2 and a half hours giving information to the community who would be able to tell me the easiest one way or another straight to the source.

Do I have Asperger's or ADD? Or both or something else entirely?

Welcome to WP shiranai!

The fact is, no two Aspies or folk on the autism spectrum are alike. It is a true spectrum or range, and we vary in our interests, personalities and the way we process information. Some of us are co-morbid with conditions such as ADD, OCD, depression, schizophrenia, Tourette's and so forth including the ones you mentioned, but by no means all of us. It is very difficult (and possibly unethical) for someone other than a medical professional specializing in mental health to make a diagnosis of AS.

I've been a member here for several years and have encountered every type of person from anti-social borderline psychotic ones to very empathetic ones who care far more deeply than any NT. We have folk who are non verbal, some who are maths boffins and others who run from it. Some of us overreact to situations. Some are straight, others gay or lesbian and some who are asexual or have no interest in sex.

Some, like yourself, are very verbose and express themselves in writing. Most of us hate discrimination of any form and tend to defend the underdog. A strong sense of justice is quite common among us.

There is NO disgrace in being called an Aspie and no reason to take offence unless the person is doing it in a disrespectful way. I was only diagnosed late in life (age 45) so went through much of my life not knowing why I was wired in a certain atypical way. Medical authorities at the time I was growing up, were mystified by the nature of my "symptoms".

In conclusion, I'd say you probably do display some signs of Aspergers and possibly some ADD, similar to my own. I am high functioning yet also battle to fit into a workplace situation, start numerous projects and move around like a chameleon on a hot tin roof! I am very emotional at times and I do stimming under certain conditions.

I hope you can find some answers here on the forums as I did, since my initial motive for joining WP was to research as much as possible and get some info together. Best of luck!

Hey Shiranai welcome.

Welcome to WP Shiranai!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!