I have been floating about this site on one account or another since 2007, but I finally received my diagnosis earlier this month, at the age of 23. Though I have suspected I may be autistic for at least ten years, I was always extremely uncomfortable with the prospect of self-diagnosis and so always said I would not identify myself as such until I had "official" confirmation. Well, now I have that... and I'm not sure what to do with it, to be honest.
Part of that is a result of talking to an autistic friend of mine, who seems... jealous, I suppose? He was originally diagnosed with AS, and I have been diagnosed with "childhood" or "typical" autism as a result of my parents being able to provide clear evidence of developmental issues prior to the age of 3. It seems he thinks there's some kind of hierarchy of diagnosis, or something to that effect, and he has been trying to undermine me/cast aspersions on the experience and clinical knowledge of the psych who diagnosed me. I don't think he's been doing this deliberately, but it's nonetheless made me a little insecure, and brought back the worries that prevented me from seeking a diagnosis for many years, that despite my diagnosis, I'm "not autistic enough" to be a part of the community.
Another issue is identity, I think. Though I was (obviously) autistic prior to my diagnosis, and so nothing has changed, I've spent a long time actively rejecting the label. Even though I now have "permission" to use it, I'm struggling with that idea that I'm actually allowed to - as though someone's going to come and tell me that I'm wrong if I publicly "come out" as autistic.
Anyway. I'm sure there are more appropriate places to post this, but I couldn't see an appropriate board/sub-board so thought I might as well post here! Hopefully this will actually post this time - I tried to post earlier this evening but the damn fool board ate it somehow.
28 Dec 2015, 9:27 pm
