I'm 52 years old and have struggled with severe anxiety and depression for most of my life. For the last several years my health has been declining, and about six months ago, everything collapsed. I lost my job and my kidneys shut down, revealing a bunch of problems like diabetes, high blood pressure and gallbladder disease. This was all on top of multiple spinal compressions, for which I'd had two surgeries to correct. Now, after three ER visits and two hospitalizations, another surgery for the gallbladder, I'm slowly recovering. The best thing that has happened to me in recent times was finally finding a psychologist with whom I'm compatible. After just two sessions, this doctor recommended that I seek out a screening for autism. I had wondered for years if I was on the spectrum, but had no idea that it was possible to be screened this late in life. The only high points in my life right now are when I'm going to therapy.
As I continue to rebuild my life, the absence of friendships becomes my biggest obstacle. The only friend I have is my spouse of 26 years, and there are limits to what we can accomplish together. I have difficulty forming and maintaining friendships, and need help. I've been lurking on sites like this for a long time, and while I was formerly able to express my feelings more openly, in more recent years I've felt "locked in", unable to ask for help. I have had problems in the past with people not accepting me for who I am, and those experiences have hurt me terribly. I think I'm a good person, and I know that I will find kindred spirits if I can just relax and be myself. I'm looking for friends with whom I can share a deep, philosophical discussion.
06 Jan 2016, 8:51 am
