Hello All - Jo here.

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Hi, I'm Jo. I was diagnosed with high functioning autism as an adult last year through my GP and the local NHS trust Autism Diagnostic Service (A.D.S.). It was quite a long process but my GP was supportive and the A.D.S. were really helpful and explained the process very clearly which really helped because I knew what to expect.

After diagnosis it took some time for me to adjust to and accept what they'd found. More and more now though I'm finding that because I can understand what is going wrong in my social connections, and what happens to me when I get overloaded, I am able to work out better strategies for coping and fitting in. I have always been a person who uses strategies but with more information about myself I can make things better for me and those around me. Before I knew what was wrong I couldn't solve the problem because, to use a mathematical metaphor, I didn't have all the variables.

As well as ASD I also have a chronic neuropathic pain condition. In fact, before the pain I was able to out-think my ASD in many circumstances. I still struggled to maintain long-term employment and long-term relationships but I could manage.

I'm really pleased to have found this 'Wrong Planet' forum. It looks really good.

Welcome to Wrong Planet Jo

I would be a little bit interested when you say you can understand what happens when you get overloaded. Do you mean sensory overload or stress. Personally I struggle a lot with stress and anxiety, so I am always interested in new perspectives. It sounds like you have figured out a lot of things. I am not quite that comfy in my own skin, but I am getting there.

I hoe you find lots of good info, help and encouragement here.

Hey Jo welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP Jo!

welcome, Jo. I look forward to hearing more about you.

hi, jo. welcome. kudos to you for thinking of others.

I think I get overloaded in three ways.
(1) The most common for me is when there is too much noise and too many people. I feel noise on my skin and in my body as well as through my ears and I don't generally like being touched so noisy places are kind of horrendous. I just get these massive feelings that I can't cope and want to cry. Knowing about this though really helps because I can take earplugs and headphones with me to noisy places and it's like magic - when I block my ears my body doesn't feel it either. (I put ear plugs in and then play brown noise or natural water sounds over the top.)

(2) The second way I get overloaded is when social things get too complicated and I lose my understanding of what's happening. As I understand it, people without ASD kind of know where they are in a social sense most of the time. It seems to me to be like having an internal sense of direction but for social things rather than geographical location. For me I have to make a social map and then work out where I am by dead reckoning. When there are too many people or the situation gets too complicated (usually when people are lying) then I can't work out where I am in the social structure and I start to panic. I feel a lot of anxiety and I tend to apologise for everything.

(3)The third way I get overloaded is when things aren't as I expected them to be in terms of what will happen when and how. I think this is because I find social stuff difficult, I plan for it and try to work out how to cope but then when things change I have to work so much harder to fit in and still be polite and if I'm already tired it's too much and my anxiety levels get really high.

So I guess for me there's the physical reaction to too much stimuli - especially sound-based and then there's high levels of anxiety about social stuff and expecations of how things will go. I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm all sorted out because that's not true. It's just that finally understanding what's wrong has really helped me to see things more clearly and understand where I'm going wrong. I guess the difficulty I have now is that often I can see where I went wrong but I can't stop it which feels a bit humiliating but it's better than knowing somehting is wrong and not knowing what it is.

Another thing I did when I learned about the connection between anxiety and ASD is ask my doctor for anti-anxiety medication. This helps me too.












Thanks for such a warm welcome everyone.

The one I can identify with the most is number 3 - If the "plan" changes it is very stressful for me. I have learned to adapt somewhat at work, but for some reason it is harder for me at home. Maybe because I have my gameface on in public, but at home I can let my hair down (if I had some)

I do have some crowd overload issues - in high school in crowded halls or stairways I would get dizzy and disoriented and in church or at comicon I sometimes get overwhelmed. Surprizingly I ws OK at gencon, maybe because of the happiness factor.

I am not sure if I have number 2. I think I build stress up in social situations and then it turns into a meltdown later.

I know what you mean about a "gameface". I do that too when I'm teaching.

You mentioned comicon - I have been wanting to go to the London Comic Con for years but every time I think of the crowds I just think I'd rather go to my local comic book store and visit the Forbidden Planet in London from time to time instead. It's so hard because I love comics (mainly Star Wars, Serenity and DragonAge, with some Judge Dredd and Conan) but I find it really hard to cope in crowds. What comics do you like? Also, you mentioned Gencon - have you ever played tabletop RPG's like Rolemaster or MERP or Cyberpunk 2020? I used to play every week when I was in my 20's and 30's but I don't play anymore.

Sorry I went to Comicon because my kids like the cosplay. I am not really into comics.

But I play Dungeons and dragons and Tunnels and Trolls. Years ago I played Traveller.
If I had more time I would play more games.

If preserving your identity was not such an issue, I think it would be great to start a Wrong Planet rpg on Roll20, the online table top games option.

Welcome, Jo!

A skill you might practice to deal with # 2 and # 3 is to request a delay. If people are lying to you (like giving you a sale pitch or slandering your best friend) you can decide to withhold a response until you have time to think about it. If it's a sales pitch, say "My decision-making style is to mull it over in my mind for a while, so no, I can't sign your contract right now." If it's someone slandering your best friend, excuse yourself from the situation (a pretext could be going to the restroom or refilling your coffee cup or needing to be somewhere else) until you have had time to think about it.

If the situation is an abrupt change of the day's agenda, similarly, go into your quiet place and release what you expected to happen and allow the new plans to percolate.

When I say your quiet place, that's a concept from meditation, hypnosis, or however you choose to define it, where you feel calm and peaceful. It's just an internal trip-to-the-restroom that buys you a little clarity. Sometimes you can cue this quiet place with a few deep breaths, or another physical cue like closing and opening a fist, gently.

Oh, I understand. My son used to love dressing up as Spiderman but he would rather die than dress up nowadays. D&D is great. I don't really have time any more either.





Thanks for this - that sounds like a really good plan. I often do want a break or a delay when things are getting too much but I didn't really know how to engineer one socially. These are great ideas. I have a phone app which is a fishing game. It has nice pictures of various lakes and the background sounds for them which I find very calming (it's why I play the game - I'm not really a fisherman (woman)). I could easily go to the restroom and plug into that for a few minutes. It would calm me down and then I might be able to think more clearly about what's happening. Thanks again!