Aspie or not, here I come

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Hello everyone,

After months of wavering, I have finally decided to join this forum. I don't know if I have the energy to really make a decent introduction. Basically, I think I may have Asperger Syndrome - I strongly think that I do. But I'm not really sure what I'm going to do as far as seeking a diagnosis - whether it would help in any way, or what ways it might harm that I don't yet know about. Or how awful I might feel if I go and am told I don't have it - because coming across a possible explanation for all that I feel and then being told "no" would be hard...well, I have learned to cope with feeling like a lone freak, but the unexpected glimpse of common feeling and experience I have had when reading accounts from Aspies, most especially women, changed my perspective - like...."Wow....maybe I really do have a tribe? I group of people who understand my struggles and issues? I'm not alone in this?". If I'm not I'm not, but I guess what would also make it hard is the feeling that I might go undiagnosed precisely because I've worked so hard to appear typical - like if I really am, but I am officially confirmed as not. For example, I was recently discouraged because I mentioned it to a friend who is a psychologist, and she just said, "You don't give me an Aspie feel. There are other reasons why you might feel so alienated." She is right about the second part, but the first part....ouch, ouch, ouch. She doesn't know the amount of internal strain I undergo in order to make others, like her, feel like nothing's wrong, to make them feel comfortable, while hiding my own that arises from faking it? Because how can I explain that I zip on my human persona like an alien would so that I can communicate with others, just like her? That I fought constantly for my whole life to learn to do this in order to get around and reduce the amount of pain inflicted upon me externally by others....only to find now that the internal strain is beginning to take such a toll on me. And...why would I want to explain it....seeing as she is already possibly judging that I'm wrong in my own observations? And also.....how on earth would I explain this to people, I mean on a deeper level. How can they hear that I am sort of faking/acting in order to be in a relationship with them, without them thinking that they don't know who I am, then? I'm not even sure that they do....because after all the years of learning to "act".....that was my main concern, but now I am not entirely sure which parts are me and which parts are faked, and who I really am - when I really do a nosedive back into the authentic me, it's a person who wouldn't even be out and about much anyway, or making friends or any of that....and basically I don't know what all the repercussions might be. I am so used to making my decisions based on possible repercussions since I got hammered so much psychologically, emotionally, and socially in the past. I am thinking about maybe learning to not fake it so much. Well, so there's my hello - I'm sorry if it's a drag, or too much info. If you have any suggestions at all, please let me know. If possible, please do so kindly. Thank you, and I'm glad to have found this forum.

Hey Maple78 welcome.

Thank you! I've been looking through some of the threads, and I can tell that I will like being here I think that just reading and posting will be helpful for me, whether or not I am an Aspie - it seems I relate enough that reading what others have dealt with and how they have learned to cope is really helpful for me. And there are lots of fun topics, too!

Welcome to WP! Hope you enjoy it here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome!! !! I am new too; well not really, but I created a new profile, so kinda! lol

Very relatable, I feel like this all the time. If it helps, I think that EVERYONE, Aspie or not, has a somewhat contrived personality, ESPECIALLY neurotypicals, considering that humans are social beings and survival depends on general acceptance.

I look at some of the popularly coined "types" - girly girls, goths, tough guys, nerds, tomboys, etc., etc, and I ask myself: Would these people display such exaggerated & stereotypical behaviors if they did not learn them, subconsciously or not, from others? And even for people who are not so stereotypical - don't we all sometimes say things and behave in certain ways now and then because it's what's expected of us? I have many neurotypical friends who have admitted to this. Who is to say that ANY personality or behavior is really authentic? Who would you be if you grew up in a room alone by yourself with no one to talk to, no media to influence you, and no one to judge? (Well, probably in such extreme isolation you'd be insane lol, but hopefully you see my point).

Anyway, we are all evolving everyday, and rather than worry if we are being authentic, or how to explain ourselves to others so that they will accept us, maybe just focus on being who we want to be moment to moment, even if that changes one day to the next, and if others understand/like it/judge/accept/reject, let that be their problem.

I think you are on the right track. If "learning not to fake it so much" makes you happy and yields positive results, then do that, but don't feel obligated to do it in order to prove your authenticity to others. And forgive me if that's not the case for you . Fake it, don't fake it, do what works and feels right, both in the moment, and long-term. I struggle with the same stuff. I think the important thing is to go easy on yourself: there's no "right" way and we are all trying our best.

People who really care will at least try to understand, and not feel they didn't really know you just because you did what you had to, in order to function. If they are honest with themselves, they will understand that EVERYONE modifies their behavior at least a little bit, in order to get along in this world. Hugs!! !!

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this....this REALLY helped me gain a healthier perspective!

Well thank you for posting how you felt - you helped me to articulate similar feelings I have had and solidify my decision to go easy on myself <3

Hello and welcome,

I am new to this site as well and appear to be in a fairly similar boat to you. I have always accepted and known that I behave and interact very differently when compared to other people while in social situations. Interacting can be very hard and stressful sometimes because I tend to get confused by the other persons actions and words fairly quick. However, I am very distraught while trying to decide if I want to go for a diagnosis for you're same reason. I am very concerned that they will say that I don't have it. I cannot quite explain why this is such a big deal to me, but I just wanted to say that you are not the only one in your situation like this.

I hope everything works out.

Thank you for sharing that! It really does help me feel better to know that others are in the same boat. This site has unexpectedly had a relaxing effect on me.....I'm glad you are here, and I hope it helps you, too!