Aunt Given Custody of Autistic Boy and His Brother

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Hi all. Just signed on here, (although I thought the choices as to whether I have autism or have a member with only the choice of Asperger's was an incomplete list of choices.)

In a nutshell, my sister is in a nursing home with severe Multiple Sclerosis issues. Her husband died on June 5th of stage 4 colon cancer. I suddenly find myself taking care of their two boys, the oldest is 10 and the younger with autism is 7. A month ago my sister was put in the hospital for severe MS issues. Her husband, who should have been in hospice, lay dying on the couch as he refused to leave his two boys. I came up there the last month to take care of the boys and the husband. He finally agreed to go to the hospital, was rushed to ICU, and died 3 days later.

Taking care of the boys isn't even the difficult part of all of this, its the endless calls from social workers (who don't communicate with each other) the Regional Center, the nursing home, on and on and on. The nursing home tried to kick my sister out this weekend illegally, blah blah.

I guess I am here because I am in the process of getting temporary custody of the boys. I am going to try to get Luke into some type of summer school for autistic kids, but I just have zero experience with autism. Luke is a really loving and sweet boy. He never has tantrums. He understands most everything, but talks mainly gibberish.

Can anyone recommend a website or some basic books I can learn the fundamentals of autism? I just learned what "stemming" is. Did I say that right? I want to keep him occupied besides sitting and watching t.v. He also does annoying things like steal everyone's cell phone, turn on the water, and ring the door bell for hours. But he comes up to me all through the day and hugs me and pats my face. Unconditional love.

I also want to say that all of you who are parents of autistic kids, I take my hat off to you. You are true modern day warriors and I am humbled by this experience.

Rose

Hey Rose welcome.

Thank you!

That's a lot happening simultaneously. It must be very rough on the boys and you both. How are they handling the loss of their dad and their mother being in hospital? Is there anyone who can help you with the practical things? I imagine you've got more than enough going on just with taking care of the boys.

Others here are perhaps more knowledgeable about reliable sources of information. I'd just like to mention from the start that autistic people can be very different - in the end you will have to spend a lot of time just getting to know Luke. And his brother, for that matter.

You say he never has tantrums (I guess you mean meltdowns) - does he then have shutdowns? Search for it on this site for a description. There may be things you are not noticing. Autistic people don't always show their feelings in a way that is understandable to NT's, so you need to start looking for clues. Reading threads in the parents' forum will be helpful, and you can always post questions of your own.

Btw, your initial comment about the incomplete list of choices was so funny - it's exactly what a lot of autistic people might get hung up on. I know the urge. Blood is thicker than water - perhaps you can find things you have in common with your nephews.

Good luck!

He holds his hands over his ears when there are noises. The only melt down I have heard about is when my friend was driving him and his brother and she put the top up on her convertible. Apparently he freaked out and got hysterical. I will read about the shut downs. Thanks!

There are a number of wise folks in the Parents' Forum who can help you out with specific issues. There are also some helpful resource threads at the top of that page.

Some shorthand to know:
WP - Wrong Planet, this site
NT - NeuroTypical, a "normal" person
ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
Asperger's - a form of high-functioning autism (no longer diagnosed)
Aspies - people with Asperger's

There're more, but that should get you started. Welcome to WP, sorry for your troubles.

Hi Rose and welcome!



As for places to find out what autism is or where to find books, I'd recommend checking out your local library. They should have a lot of books there/ parenting books for caregivers and parents with children who are on the spectrum. You can also check out Youtube as there are some families who vlog their experience about having a kid on the spectrum. I hope this helps and again welcome