Greetings!
I posted a reply to another topic, and thought I should announce my presence more formally and explain a bit about myself and why I'm here.
Blurb: I'm a 29 year old male who enjoys learning, Magic: the Gathering, and video games. Every now and then I make art.
What brings me here: The first time I remember hearing the words Asperger's Syndrome was when I was at a 4th of July picnic about 7 or 8 years ago, and was introduced to someone I was told had it (not sure if it was a formal diagnosis or just one of my friend's informal assessment). I could tell she was different from the other people in our group. She had a stilted, awkward way of speaking. I got the impression that she was really hard trying to "fit in", but not quite making it. She was very nice though.
After that I researched it, and used that to make unfair assumptions about people I met. I would meet someone who acted like the first person I'd met with it and I'd think "Ah, they must have Aspergers." I thought that I was nothing like this.
A couple years ago my mom asked me if I thought my brother, who is 31 and lives at home with them, had it. I dismissed it outright. "No, I've met people with Aspergers" I said "he doesn't have it." I assumed I could spot the symptoms, and that my mom was just trying to find an excuse for his lazy/selfish behavior.
I do now realize how unfair and close-minded I was being. I've found out I like to answer with confidence, and I have an over-inflated estimation of what I know.
Recently I've been reexamining my notions about AS. And that's led me to question its applicability to me. I cannot and would not claim to have a disorder.
But I do feel like a float through life as a ghost, never really connecting to anyone, never really feeling like I belong in this world. The only reason I've had any friends at all post middle-school is through people who decided to date me bringing me along. I've had two girlfriends, (and one short-term fling with a transgender m>f) one in high school and one who I currently roommate with (even though we're not technically in a relationship). When my first relationship ended, I stayed friends with my ex. I was dependent upon her (I would dog-sit for her and her husband, I went to their wedding). That limbo state didn't end until I met my second girlfriend, about two years later. After I stopped being "friends" with my first ex (her husband didn't like me...something that hurt when I found out) all of the mutual friendships I'd made withered until earlier this year, when I finally unfriended most of them on Facebook.
My second girlfriend was a lot more like me, and she is still my best friend and roommate even though we aren't dating now. I feel totally dependent upon her too, so I'm grateful that she's still having me around. Again, all of my friends are through her (which includes a guy she dated after we broke up that she eventually broke up with). If she left my life, I don't know what I'd do.
Wow, going over all of that, really makes me feel like I might have social impairments.
How about academics/profession?
I just completed a Bachelors degree in general biology, but I realized that I'm not cut-out to be a scientist, and now I'm going for a two-year degree in software engineering which has a co-op. I've been in college for (good God) 11 years and have two Associates degrees already.
I just got hired for a part-time library job (largely due to my best friend again) that I can do while I get my 2-year, hopefully I can move from a co-op into a "real" job. I feel like I NEED this induction into the non-retail workforce. All of my previous jobs my girlfriends or my Student status have helped me get. Without that support, I don't have the confidence to get one.
I don't have career goals, but up until recently my life goal has mostly been to use SCIENCE to transform myself into something non-human, so I can...do my own thing? As poorly thought-out and unrealistic as it is, that's really all I've got, until my best friend made me confront how crazy that is. A lot of my life lately has been coming to terms with having "getting by" as a life goal.
Conclusion (?): So it may be that I've never really felt impairment because my mom and dad are extremely supportive and introverted (my dad has 0 friends), so I've been raised in a bubble and have only recently started to run aground in the "real world". I can count on one hand that number of times I've been teased in school, and I've never experienced bullying. Also, I really have no desire for friends, so I've been exempt from the difficulties in finding them. I don't want to be married. I don't want children. I don't even think I want a romantic relationship, if I ever did.
I feel...perpetually embryonic. I know everyone seems to be having trouble "adulting" lately, and maybe it's all just my own Millennial ineptness.
Why are you here?: I don't seek validation, or an excuse. I'm following the evidence, and it points me here, currently.
Sorry for the length.
25 Jul 2016, 12:15 pm
