AS on the radar for the first time

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I'm new here. Well, relatively. Have been signed up for about two months but -- typical for me -- only now do I cotton on that there are welcome threads and it might have been a logical move to post here first(!). I have only been told about AS since January and instantly it has made a whole whole bunch of sense of life-long problems and frustrations.

I'm -- not in my thirties any more let's just say -- but due to life-inexperience, don't feel like I've even got past my teens with work, confidence or relationships. Never had proper work and never (except with one 18 month exception that proved the rule) had a relationship. Only now do I start to get the news of what might have in part explained all this -- but it is obvious from this site that being aspie doesn't mean you automatically don't "get" or "deserve" intimacy. One of my long-term subconscious messages about myself is I can't express attraction to someone unless they express it first, then I fail to catch myself shutting my eyes to the possibility -- and not out of choice either, just a kind of blank dumbness.

The age thing is frustrating. I used to be good looking. Finding out at this age is better than never finding out, but the more it sinks in, the more crap it is starting to feel, especially this morning. I have always had a lot to offer the world, cos I'm essentially a creative and conscientious guy, but have always hit a really frustrating wall to do with self-promotion and proving to people you're capable of doing things. ("you're" meaning => "I'm" capable of ......................I have a bad habit of using "you" to mean "me"!)

Actually proving to MYSELF that I am capable and good at what I do (which has turned out unfortunately to be writing seriously for a living -- I say unfortunate only because I see now it is the medium of expression my mind is least adapted to -- no other reason) has always been the worst. I have internalised so much projected self-doubt and self-criticism over the years it has worn me to just about collapsing point. After a few weeks of confusion, discovery and acceptance, I'm in danger of starting to get into an angry phase about this having been told I'm an AS guy (and it coming from completely off the radar and making instant sense!! !) Yes it's good, but it's a lot to take on board, especially when half your life has gone and everything could have been so different "if only" I'd known sooner and had done more to work around it. So I'm just saying hi before 30 years of frustration from failure to communicate implode!!

Bet no-one answers this. It's TOOOO heavy.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Welcome to WP.

Hopefully the more you read about AS, the more you'll come to accept yourself.

Welcome to WP busterkeaton, you will fit right in.

Hah! I'm 51 and getting younger every day... and somewhat similar situation of discovery as yours.

Helps to visit this "playpen".

Step in... Welcome!! !! Serious stuff goes on too!! !

Hello. Coming to terms with (supply noun) can take time. Be gentle on yourself.