I'm new here -- looking for parenting help for our AS son

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Hi Everyone.

My husband found this site and we decided to check it out. Our son, Andrew, was diagnosed last Summer with Non-Verbal Learning Disorder/Asperger's/Sensory Integration Dysfunction.

As you probably know, insurance rarely -- if ever -- covers the cost of therapy for such conditions. They may cover occupational therapy, but as far as the social and behavioral concerns go, we are out of luck. We know of a few other people in our area who pay out-of-pocket expense upward of $1,000 a month to get the help their kids need. Unfortunately, we just cannot find a way to afford such an expense. We are trying to read as much as we can and help him to the best of our ability.

He does get some limited help through the school system, but he is so high functioning and adept at masking his issues that they social workers there don't see a problem. I have to point out the nuances in his behavior to get them to understand the problem.

Our other frustration is that he appears to be much better at school than at home. It's like we are starting each day anew with him. We are constantly teaching him what behavior is and isn't acceptable, but it's like it falls on deaf ears. Traditional parenting techniques don't work on him at all (time outs, positive reinforcement, removing privileges, even spanking). Nothing works. He is obstinant, argumentative, contradictory, and constantly getting into trouble.

He demands 100% of my attention, 100% of the time. I hear "mommy" about 15,000 times a day. He is almost incapable of entertaining himself. I'm tearing my hair out! I love my son dearly, but I can't take this anymore.

We do have another son (18 months) who so far has not exhibited any of the same behaviors that we saw in our older son at that age.

Anyway, thanks for reading my book on this. I'm thankful to have found a support group. We desperately want to help our son. The kids are already (at age 5) starting to pick up on his pecularities, and my husband is terrified that our son will suffer the same fate he did growing up. My husband was tormented mercilessly for no apparent reason, all throughout his childhood and high school. In retrospect, my husband is now wondering if he has Asperger's. BTW, I think the tendencies are there. He is SO OCD! And works in computers. LOL

I'm very open to suggestions. Lately I've been reading some phenomenal things about enzyme therapy. Anyone ever tried this?

welcome

Hi!

Welcome!

Hello and Welcome
I don't know if your child needs enzyme therapy.
Along with your husband, I was tormented every day in public school. That is why I was so happy when I discovered homeschooling and could give my kids something better. Well, my boys anyway. One of my three sons has aspergers. He works as a programmer at a video game company and is a delightful person. The daughter with autism plus went to school, but she obviously hated it as much as I did, but I was overwhelmed!! !! !! !! Still, I feel bad about it now. Now that she lives in her own house and can do what she wants when she wants, she is no longer violent. Hmm. And I couldn't teach the adopted daughter with fetal alchohol effect because she had me banging my head against the wall within minutes of trying to teach her anything. And at 23 she still frustrates me no end. I can't wait until her brain integrates somewhere between 25 and 30. I hope sooner than later. She is making so many bad decisions in her life right now. I suppose it's terrible to think this, but I wish I had never adopted her, although we gave her a better chance at life than she would have had without us. Anyway, your child is five? I'd like to hear more about him. He can have a great life. It just might look a little different from what you had planned.

Hello and welcome to WP! This website has been a lifesaver for me.

Have you checked out the Parents Forum. There are plenty of helpful parents who give great advice.

Many have Asperger's themselves so they have extra insight.

Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Smelena

Two books, so the family isn't quite as socially clueless.

"Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" by Dr. Temple Grandin & Sean Barron
It is partly ghost written by Veronica Zysk without whom these two wouldn't have had a clue what to write! These are the rules our NT parents never taught us because they were SO OBVIOUS to them!

"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman It explains why people don't feel we care, despite our best efforts. We are showing we care, but in the wrong way for the other person! It is so popular there are niche copies of the book -- for children, teenagers, singles and men. For Aspergers, the Singles copy would be highly relevant

Can we relate. We have a 13 yo AS daughter, who went to a private school through 5th grade and has been homeschooled for the past two years. Your comment that your son seems better at school than at home caught my attention. When our daugther was in a structured school setting, it was the same: She would be behaved at school and then explode at home. Just keeping herself in a stressful environment during the school day caused her to unleash when she reached the safety of home. If you are working with a school psy., talk to her/him about giving your son some breaks during class time so he can give himself a little escape from the environment. If they don't get little breaks or a release, the stress builds and then it gets let out at home.

Good luck.

Welcome!

The parents forum is awesome. Great people there. Lots of great advice.

Some insurances may have loop holes to work around. Ours covers some, but the dr we see while evaluating is also starting social training. Which has been a blessing. Talk to the dr who dx'd him. They might know a way around the insurance.

An episode of Deje Vu here... Dad of 3 here too!! !. Two of which are teenagers... one has a DX, and the other is being tested in a couple of weeks... CAN I RELATE!! ! This Dad has "it" too...

Getting the school counselors to understand, with or without a DX can be a real challenge.

Good Luck! and Welcome!! ! said twice...