Pretty sure I'm an Aspie but I'm afraid of a dignosis

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I'm a female in my late 30s and I'm debating wether I should pursue a formal diagnosis, I am afraid of the long term impacts. I'm in the legal field which involves a lot of risk management and I can't get around all the what ifs, the filing cabinet in my brain is just shooting out warnings of all the things that could happen with a proper diagnosis. I am married now but what if I got divorced, would I lose my kids if I was diagnosed on paper? I don't plan of getting divorced but it could happen.

I also think about what a relief a diagnosis would be. Then I could tell people I have a reason to be the way I am. Then I go back to panic mode and think maybe people who do accept me would be scared away. Is this normal? the back/forth and fear?

I don't know, but I feel the same way.

It's completely normal to worry about all the different aspects of a diagnosis. As for disclosing personal medical information, how many professionals like yourself have told you something about their private medical history? In my case, disclosing poorly understood suspected neurological disorders to coworkers and professional acquaintances provoked two main responses 1. the information was acknowledged and became part of my professional vita (someone told HR) 2. the "I'm so sorry to hear that response", which was very ambiguous.

I would not be disclosing it in a professional setting, I don't need to because my job is my special interest, one that I have had for almost 20 years so I can cope pretty well unless I have to talk. Then my voice cracks, I forget what I am talking about and all that. Thankfully most of my communication with clients and the office is via e-mail. I consult so I don't have the pressures of a 9-5.

The disclosure would be to people I meet in a social setting. I am so good at passing online I feel that people are disappointed or whatever when they meet me in real life. I would continue my life as a hermit but I am realizing more and more that I am doing a disservice to my kids. "Normal" people can have a playdate on a whim and I can't do that, even answering a text "No, can't today" is causing me a tremendous amount of stress that I just want to shut my phone off but I know I can't, they know I am home. To complicate things even more, I am an administrator for a neighborhood group so everyone knows me but I don't want to know them past wherever help they need. I don't mind helping and doing neighborly things but once that interaction is done, then we have nothing to talk about and I want to go about my business.

Even after the diagnosis, you are still you! Nothing has changed, the only thing that changes is some understandings about certain difficulties you have had and some that you may not have even realised and much else... I often come across discussions on here i think are common place to find out they are not and also how diverse the individuals are.... Everyone is different , no different from everyone else in many ways.... As far as disclosure, that is entirely up to you! You dont need to put them down on work forms or CV's etc... You can tell whomever you wish or not.... Do what feels right for you .. But by coming here i think you might already know and maybe looking for some 3rd party re enforcement?

As for the idea of divorce , again don't worry for a number of reasons! As for your main point, Im no legal expert but as a thought that would be discriminatory and would not there for be admissible in court unless some other much more serious factors would arise.... So again, don't worry! Many spectrumites married here and happily

Also, i don't want to speak for you but maybe you are focussed on the fear of the unknown? Its common round these parts Either way, i wish you all the best

Hey CatLady53 welcome.

I know one minute then the next not so sure! I even contacted a therapist today to see if she can give me more info on what to expect so I can figure out my next steps.

Now that you point it out, I always focus on the unknown to try to be 2 steps ahead, it has become part of my "thing".

Thanks! Learning a lot about myself past week or so.

While courts (including divorce-court administrators) can sometimes make whatever opinions they choose, almost all courts follow certain laws and rules. As I understand it, divorcing couples' ability to retain custody or shared custody of their children has much more to do with past parenting than imagined future parenting. If you have been an able parent of your children for some years, that fact alone serves to show that you will continue to be such a parent.

I see more value in pursuing a diagnosis (if that is what you choose) than in worrying about what some administrator decides. Of course, it is a matter of the degree of risk involved. But, I can't imagine an administrator deciding against a parent who has already proved to be an adequate parent (or more).

I know this feeling.

Before I went for my diagnosis, I had the most horrific fear that someone would come and take my child away because I'd be judged an unfit parent.

This fear despite the fact that I know I am (and apologies for the over-confidence) a great parent.

Nobody's whisked her away. It's fine. Nobody's using that label as a reason to take my daughter away from me.

I can't speak from the professional/career point of view, but I think we do worry about all sorts of ridiculous impacts that it just won't have. The label doesn't change who you are and people will see that.

I know exactly what you mean. Now think of it from their perspective. They have talked to you online, perhaps, even by phone, but have never met you. If you've been successful in your industry for 20 years you probably come across as good at your job. I think that it's not a stretch to assume that they think of you as a personable professional. When they meet you in person they probably have to adjust that picture a little.
I'm a recluse and have developed proactive politeness as a coping mechanism to keep it that way. 1) greet neighbors first 2) offer a helping hand when needed 3) always be friendly 4) appear busy, at all times