I am new here. I made this account hoping for some answers to my questions but so far I have not really learned anything useful.
I got diagnosed at age 18. Not a big fan of being autistic. It has made my life unnecessarily difficult and I don't care for it AT ALL. I don't understand the mentality behind being proud or accepting this type of thing. I think it is awful to have autism and I feel bad for the other people who are stuck with this. I'm trying to understand the motivations behind these thoughts but I don't get it. It's not the kind of thing I can just agree with over night.
The worst thing about autism for me is that I am always burning myself out trying to prove that I'm normal and competent like all the other people. As somebody with a disability I have a strong drive to prove that I am not a liability or less of a person. When I'm with my friends for example, I get a vibe like I'm not as useful or wanted by the others since I'm a weirdo with autism or whatever. It really disappoints me and has made me gradually cut off this group of 'friends'.
My current goal this year is that I want to make new friends who are perfectly normal and know nothing about (my) autism. I've been studying stuff about social skills to divide the key differences between a conventional autist and a normal man so that I can act less autistic around other people at work or just around my home in general. I definitely think I'm way less autistic than I was when I was first diagnosed because my social skills, hygiene, hobbies/interests, and personality all improved over those years despite struggling against autism.
03 Oct 2016, 9:07 am
