Aspergers seeks same (to become human)

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AllDaXP
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11 Jan 2017, 9:34 pm

JOY = Companionship (An individual/group that has found a frictionless path of pursuing shared goals.)

THIS HUMAN
____NEEDS
________Companionship/Friend/Sexual Exploration/Joy

________________32/Male/Caucasian
____________________Biological heritage
________________________1 'Lost Generation' aboriginal grandmother (maternal side)
____________Place of birth/Spent formative years/Graduated school
________________Jakarta
____________Physical dimensions
________________~Height / ~Weight: ~(195cm | 6'5") / ~110kg
____________Spoken languages
________________English
____________________Can guide others to experience all emotions I know (svagus.co.uk)
____________________Unable to find companionship/sexual exploration/joy
________________Bahasa Indonesia
____________________Utilization: Express my personal joy and gratitude at something and understand fully when it is said back to me. (been told I talk like a street thug)
____________WANTS
________________To find the path out of my NEED cycle, without hurting anyone. Or making them think I am dangerous. Or lock me up again. Or keep prescribing me pills.
________________GOTO :JOY
____JOY
________Unable to find companionship/sexual exploration/joy
____________SEEK HELP

HELP
____Hello. My name is Simon. I would like someone to help me please. What question do I ask next to get someone to talk to me?



Last edited by B19 on 13 Jan 2017, 5:36 am, edited 1 time in total.: identifying information removed for user safety

AllDaXP
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11 Jan 2017, 11:00 pm

I'm sorry. I am just trying every method I know.

Should I just start with hello? I know how to say hello. I just don't know how to get a hello back.

This is all... very, um... *sigh* frustrating/irritating/annoying/cake/pudding. I just don't know what good words do me if I can somehow make money from them, and use numbers to trade on the stock exchange, but I can't... get a hello back.

Does anyone know that part of the equation? I can figure out the rest if you just tell me.



AllDaXP
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11 Jan 2017, 11:02 pm

I think I am being impatient again. I've had... well, everyone tell me that I am too impatient.

I should... wait? Maybe this was my way of saying hello. Maybe it was the wrong place. I don't know.

Sort of like plant a seed and watch it grow and hope for the best.

Just hard to do that when... well, you've never seen a tree like 'you'.

I hope someone messages me. Or visits me. Or even steals my identity.



Hippygoth
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12 Jan 2017, 7:52 am

Hello Simon. :) Welcome. I suggest you remove your address from your profile ASAP - that's a dangerous thing to put on the internet.



AllDaXP
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12 Jan 2017, 7:58 am

Hippygoth wrote:
Hello Simon. :) Welcome. I suggest you remove your address from your profile ASAP - that's a dangerous thing to put on the internet.


But... I'm suicidal anyway. I mean, this is really me putting everything on the table. I'm really ready to either accept that I don't belong anywhere or as 'this' configuration of dimensional-whateverness, or someone out there will be kind to me. I even offered people to steal my identity if they so wish. Maybe they will do something better with it?

I am tired of fighting all this fear is all. Either I let myself be fully bare, any accepted, or I just never will be. I am 32 and... tired.



AllDaXP
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12 Jan 2017, 5:17 pm

Hippygoth wrote:
Hello Simon. :) Welcome. I suggest you remove your address from your profile ASAP - that's a dangerous thing to put on the internet.


Okay, maybe... that was your way of saying hello? But, I know I'm not in danger of putting it on the internet.

If I have accepted a binary future for myself, either this is 0 or 1. True or false.

But if the only 'Hello' I get comes with a warning that there is joy/sorrow/suffering, then I want to die and find the planet where suffering does not contain that quantum string. Or dimension. Or planet.

I don't care what word I use anymore. Someone just hear what I am trying to say. Even if you only half understand.

Please help me. I've even given everyone both the answer and the path of how to speak with me, and a reason that maybe why anyone could help me, and nobody is.

All I have heard so far <24hrs is... "Hello! You are welcome here! Beware of your choices!"

So I am making choices here, but the only response is... I mean... am I a robot or a human? Am I broken in my thinking? Can literally nobody help me?

Am I still in the f*****g RBWH Mental Health ward in Brisbane? Did I never really get out of there and write a book, marry someone, have a child... I mean, is it pills? Or am I in the Matrix?

HELLO?! !? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SAY HELLO TO ME?! PLEASE! I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH SIMPLER I CAN MAKE MY REQUEST, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHARE MY LIFE STORY WITHOUT YOU THINKING I AM LYING.

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO f*****g SAY HELLO TO ME! EVEN IF THEY ARE JUST WORDS ON A SCREEN ANYMORE!

PLEASE.



Hippygoth
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12 Jan 2017, 5:27 pm

Ok, fair enough. I was just trying to be friendly and welcoming, not question your choices. Hope you find whatever it is you need.



AllDaXP
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12 Jan 2017, 8:27 pm

Hippygoth wrote:
Ok, fair enough. I was just trying to be friendly and welcoming, not question your choices. Hope you find whatever it is you need.


Then... why didn't you say hello? I mean... did I ask the wrong way? I'm just trying to interact with... not society anymore. I just want to interact with one human being, who isn't 'me'.



B19
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13 Jan 2017, 5:41 am

Moderator note:
Welcome.
For safety reasons, please remove your street address from your profile page asap (click on your username to go to the profile page). When you remove it there, it will stop showing up beside your posts.



DataB4
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13 Jan 2017, 6:04 am

Hello. There are people out there who get what you're going through. It sounds like you're feeling really desperate right now, and I can understand that. :(

I'm confused as to what you're looking for people to say. Do you want to talk about your feelings? Your interests? Stuff that's happened in your life?

The Getting To Know You forum doesn't always get responses for some reason. It's not you. Also, it's common to get responses hours or days after you post on WP, so don't take it personally. I hope you find what you need.



AllDaXP
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13 Jan 2017, 8:10 am

DataB4 wrote:
Hello. There are people out there who get what you're going through. It sounds like you're feeling really desperate right now, and I can understand that. :(

I'm confused as to what you're looking for people to say. Do you want to talk about your feelings? Your interests? Stuff that's happened in your life?

The Getting To Know You forum doesn't always get responses for some reason. It's not you. Also, it's common to get responses hours or days after you post on WP, so don't take it personally. I hope you find what you need.


Yes, but... that is not what I ask for. Empathy and sympathy is no different than saying neuron and glial cell ratio to me. There is no need for me to remove my address or personal information, because I asked for helped. I asked.

I asked and someone said Hello. I asked for someone to say hello back, without the fear I feel with the words that came after it. Someone said hello. Wrote a message about wishing to communicate.

You want to communicate. Yes. That is the point of saying hello. I think. Yes, communicate. I desire to communicate. I don't take anything personally anymore, because I'm not a person to anyone. I cannot even find solace or comfort in a place that I read is literally built for people like me, but I don't even find people like me here.

I do not need to talk about my pain or my past. I healed myself with learning. I just need a friend. I want to learn how to communicate how you can heal yourself, effectively. Without fear or mistrust.



Hippygoth
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13 Jan 2017, 8:23 am

AllDaXP wrote:
Then... why didn't you say hello? I mean... did I ask the wrong way? I'm just trying to interact with... not society anymore. I just want to interact with one human being, who isn't 'me'.


I'm confused as to why you think I didn't say hello. If you look back at my first post to you in this thread, you can see that I wrote 'Hello Simon'.



AllDaXP
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13 Jan 2017, 10:54 pm

Hippygoth wrote:
AllDaXP wrote:
Then... why didn't you say hello? I mean... did I ask the wrong way? I'm just trying to interact with... not society anymore. I just want to interact with one human being, who isn't 'me'.


I'm confused as to why you think I didn't say hello. If you look back at my first post to you in this thread, you can see that I wrote 'Hello Simon'.


Oh, I see. I should have paid more attention to the periods in your sentence structure. Individual clauses. I... made the wrong link between those sentences.

It was my fault. I'm sorry. I have always used words... for 'other', but I think I am learning how people can use words for 'self'.

Yes. I see. Does it help/offer forgiveness/heal/honor/respect you if I deconstruct my understanding?

Quote:
Hello Simon. :) Welcome. I suggest you remove your address from your profile ASAP - that's a dangerous thing to put on the internet.


The first part was all I was focusing on. All I wanted. Truly. I wanted that little. Just the hello. Not the name, because whenever my name is called it is always because I am at a doctor's office. Or in trouble with the law. Or in trouble with my parents... or... anyone. Everyone, I guess.

You said Welcome, but to me that is no different than saying 'hello'. I view it as a synonym, so it made the sentence clunky or tautological for me. That is... a way of saying that I 'dismissed' it for 'also this reason', I think.

What followed was simply a warning. So... because I didn't deconstruct your sentence correctly because I only used what I already knew...

...

Hello?



blackicmenace
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13 Jan 2017, 11:17 pm

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DataB4
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14 Jan 2017, 10:44 am

AllDaXP wrote:
I asked for someone to say hello back, without the fear I feel with the words that came after it. Someone said hello. Wrote a message about wishing to communicate.

You want to communicate. Yes. That is the point of saying hello. I think. Yes, communicate. I desire to communicate. I don't take anything personally anymore, because I'm not a person to anyone. I cannot even find solace or comfort in a place that I read is literally built for people like me, but I don't even find people like me here.

I do not need to talk about my pain or my past. I healed myself with learning. I just need a friend. I want to learn how to communicate how you can heal yourself, effectively. Without fear or mistrust.


Do I have this right? You don't want sympathy, or empathy, or fear/concern for your safety, correct? You want to communicate and make a friend? You want to show how it's possible to heal yourself?

How do you want to start developing a friendship? With interests? With shared experiences? How?