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Hi,

I'm new here in more ways than one. I'm 56 years old and only recently learned I'm on the spectrum. It explains so much about my childhood, and about the relationship challenges I still face. I had no idea, until my toddler was diagnosed and my wife, a neurotypical, started sharing her research with me. (Her: "Did you know people with Autism ___?" Me: "That's not normal?")

That began a year ago, and I'm still learning about how so many of my "idiosyncracies" are related. I haven't been diagnosed, but I did score 40 on the AQ test, and the DSM describes my childhood frighteningly well. (There was no diagnostic criteria when I grew up in the 1960s. I was just a "problem child.") I've learned to compensate pretty well as an adult. I (usually) remember that I shouldn't say everything that occurs to me. I hide my repetitive behaviors pretty well. But I don't read nonverbal communication, don't do well in social situations, can't converse with more than one person at a time, have trouble with abstract ideas, get easily overwhelmed by sensory input (especially audio and visual), and spend a lot of time alone doing a very small number of activities. Long term relationships have never been easy for me. I'm now in my third marriage, to a woman who I'm grateful to say is very empathetic and tries hard to understand -- and has worked hard with my son, who's higher on the spectrum than I am.

I currently live in Harrisonburg, VA, and am a full-time student at Eastern Mennonite Seminary. I've generally been a religious skeptic, but I've had some pretty powerful religious experiences that have changed my mind. I'm not exactly conventional, and the Mennonites are more forgiving of that than some others.

In my spare time, I write books, play guitar badly, and enjoy model railroading. I've done a lot of traveling in the past, but now I have a wife and two children so I don't get out much.

I don't know any other people on the spectrum, besides my two-year-old, except one guy I met when I was driving taxi who I run into sometimes. I function pretty well in the world, but I also don't know anyone who thinks like I do. I'm always the "different" one (even though they don't quite know why). Right now it feels like I'm in the process of identifying all the ways that I'm *not* like other people, and that can be depressing and lonely, despite my wife's support. I mean, she accepts, but she doesn't *get it*, if that makes sense. And as we learn more, she'll point out another characteristic I have, and it's like, "Another one? Really?" I don't know how "normal" people think and feel, so I never knew I was different in so many ways. Some things I do better than a lot of other people, but social and relationship stuff are both really important to me and really difficult for me.

Hoping for a little support if there's anyone who can relate...

D.J.

Hi and welcome, hope you find it helpful here.

Hi, welcome to the wrong planet.

I am familiar with a number of the features of your life story, the difficulties with relationships, social stuff etc.

Sounds like a familiar start in life. Us born before 1980 are known as the "lost generation" of Asperger's. Also common was dropping out of education with no qualifications and turning to crime (as was my case unfortunately); -Was.

Hello and welcome to a place I only just started using also, sir.

Welcome to WP! What kinds of books do you write?

They are fiction, but across a number of genres. One is a murder mystery set in Los Angeles in which a drug addict must prove that he's been framed. One is a preparedness novel set in rural Utah (it's also available as an audio book). One is a Young Adult sci-fi/fantasy novel that starts in New Hampshire. Two are about a peacemaker. One is about a not-very-nice guy seeking faith and redemption through the Bible.

They sound interesting.

I hope so!

Welcome here. I'm brand new myself.

Just remember, there are tons of people out there who would totally relate to you. They're just not wearing convenient signs that say so. People are scattered all over. Many times I've felt quite alone in the world - and then I stumbled across some group, or once even a book store, where people came together who made sense to me. I'm still learning how to maintain such connections, but it's good to know that there's folks like me.

Being different can hurt. And lots and lots of people know it.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!