Hi everyone
I am new to this forum and I am also new to world of asperger's syndrom.
I would like to write a few things about this new experience, partly to get it out of my chest, and partly to share it with other people in this forum who may have similar experiences. So, forgive my english, it is not my mother language.
I diagnosted with asperger's about one month ago. It wasn't a total surprise. Almost nine months ago while trying figure out what was going on with me, why I felt so different without an obvious reason, why I actually felt like an alien between others, I find out a website about, what else, aspeger's. It was a bit shock for me when I read the symptoms because for the first time I saw myself. How was possible so many different things could releated. How was possible sensitivity in light, the feeling that I am thinking different in relation to people around me, social akwardness and few other symptoms could releated to a single thing. I couldn't understanded, but there it was, describing everything, explaining why I feel so different, why I was feeling so different all my life.
It took me eight months to visit a specialist, few actually in my country, and wasn' t an easy period. Besides some difficulties I was having that period, now an idea had forcely entered in my thoughts. Asperger's syndrom. Sometimes It felt rediculous and sometimes it felt just right. I couldn't decide or understand if all this was an despert attemp to find a reason, any reason for the things that were happening to me, or it was actually the truth about me. Every single day I was stranggling with these thoughts.
And the eight months were past and I visit the specialist. We had an interesting chat about all these thoughts, we talk about my symptoms and I had some tests. I really didn't know what we were going with all this. Finally she told me that I did had asperger's. Aparently I am between the medium and high fuctional category of asperger's.
So, welcome the the world of aspergers!! !
And now what? What am I supposed to do? All this time I was reading about people who actually felt relief when they diagnosed and it was also one of the questions of the specialist. DON'T YOU FEEL RELIEFED NOW? Did I????
No I didn't. I was so confused that I didn't know how to react.
I mean, ok I was finally had an answer, an explenation of the way I function, of why I feel different. But how someone who finds out that will be like that for the rest of his life should react? Happy? Sad? Terrified? Am I doomed to have that terrible feeling of loneliness, isolation for the rest of my life??? And how I continue with my every day life knowing that propably I will always being weird for the people around me.
What hope there is for a desent life and not just for survival?
I consider myself a fighter. I have fallen so many times and I'll propaply fall some more, but I always got up, some times easily and some times not so easily, and I was always kept trying. But now trying for what, for how long, what the time will bring?
Thank you for your patience.
If I tired you (the few people that will have the patience to finish my "monologe") I apologise, as also for my english.
14 Jan 2017, 7:32 pm
. I really hope I like it!
