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Hello everyone!
I'm 46 ( 23 in Mars years, or 16 years on the run ) and I've suspected for a long time that I've had Asperger's but until the recent past there wasn't a name for why I might be so different. So I'm not currently diagnosed, however, so much of what I've read about Asperger's and what I've heard from people Asperger's I've met really does sound a lot like my own experiences.

Although I had suspected for some time, I was reluctant to identify as having Asperger's or pursuing a diagnosis because of the negative stigma and the negative and sometimes hostile tone of a lot of what's online about it. A lot of what's written discusses severe functioning issues and social skills problems, but I actually function more or less in a way where I don't feel limited, and my problems with social skills, while challenging at times, never have been an ongoing problem. I've gotten along well with most people, and I have quite a few good friends, but unfortunately I have also come into conflict with people here and there that have no tolerance for anyone who is different. Then again, I've had similar social problems with some people regarding my physical disability (wheelchair since I was 23) and the lesser health problems I had when I was younger. In regards to Asperger's, it seems like rather than having the stereotypical problems of not connecting with people or missing social cues all the time, I actually go into social situations getting along with people, making new friends, but sometimes also having to deal with one person who makes a minor faux pax into a major crime. Basically for me it's being in good standing more or less with most of the NTs I know, but still having to deal from time to time with someone who seems to exhibit the various bad behaviors attributed to aspies. What's more obnoxious? An aspie talking too much sometimes, or an NT constantly harping on an aspie about their special interests when they're actually trying to follow along with the situation at hand?

One thing I've recently found frustrating, and it's similar to what I've run into in dealing with my physical health problems, is that it seems that "owning" one's condition and being pro-active about it isn't seen as acceptable, but one is expected to embrace without complaint or question all the negative things that come with it.

Also, how does one be honest about having Asperger's or possibly having it without sounding like they're just inventing a way to legitimize social skill problems or unusual interests?

Simon01

Greetings, Simon.

Welcome to the forums or equivalent. I am temporarily going by the name of Samson. Regarding your question...

You are not required to disclose anything to anybody. You are not required to interact with others. Nobody has a right to impose their ways or beliefs upon you. Most «social-programming» is just that... programming... such to the point that most of the world's populations can safely be viewed as being a bunch of biological-robots.

Anybody who gets offended at me for not «conforming» into their beliefs does not deserve to be a part of my life and I have every right to cut off any and all communication from them due to their psychological-issues. The world is essentially upside-down and backwards, for truth has been perverted, black is regarded as white and white is seen to be black, the good guys are made out to be villains whilst the bad guys are promoted as heroes, etc.

If you're having social-issues with others, solely for being different, then that is their problem, not yours. I would just disassociate from that social-circle and find or transition into a more like-minded community instead.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I agree that you do not have to disclose to anyone that you are autistic. The only times I disclose to people is if I have come to know them very well and trust them with this information, or if my health or well-being depend on it. Other times I'll disclose a part of it, like my hyper-sensitivities to sound, if I feel it is absolutely necessary for me to function in whatever environment I am in.

Again, welcome to Wrong Planet and I hope you learn a lot from fellow autistic's here.

Welcome! It's good to have you here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks for the welcome

Spot on about social programming. I've always thought that much of the problem aspies have connecting with people is due to the way NTs act as if everything is a script while aspies are seeing through all of that. I get along great with people who aren't putting on an act or forcing the way interaction takes place, but when I've run into problems with social skills, it's not as simple as missing social cues, it's more about me taking things at face value and coming into conflict with NTs who expect everyone to be mind readers and "know" what's really going on vs. what's obvious. In my experience, some NTs seem to operate as if they're starring in their own TV show and treat aspies or others who aren't following the "script" like actors who can't get their role and lines straight.

I admit that I've been fortunate enough to be able to *not* run into problems on a recurring basis. I've made an effort to just gravitate towards like minded people and like I said, I'm in good standing with most of the people I know. Plus it's been great meeting other aspies in the local support group.

As for disclosing one's condition, I realize I made the mistake of telling my family that I was becoming more certain that alot of the problems I've had over the years with social skills, focusing, and issues surrounding my special interests were due to Apserger's. Long before anyone knew what it was, my family was aware of my issues and acted negatively about it when it became a problem. Since I told them recently, I've noticed them acting today like they did years ago- to them it's helping but to me, it's meddling and disrespecting my privacy and independence.

I've learned the hard way about disclosing- my parents know I've been looking into the possibility of having Asperger's. My attitude is one of finding a tangible reason why I have certain problems and being pro-active in dealing with them, but my parents manage to fixate on the negative aspects of it. I've noticed a pattern over the years where they seem more interested in making sure I experience the negative things that come with particular health issues or my disability but not allowing me to deal with things on my terms.

Recently though, telling clinic staff at an appointment actually helped me handle the treatment much better than past treatments- just explained the processing issues I have, and they were really helpful in making things easier for me to process and keep the stress to a minimum.

Thanks!

Thanks for the welcome