What is wrong with me?

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Hi I am new to the Forum, and this is my first post. All my life, I was wondering why I had more difficulty in social, emotional aspects than other kids my age. Recently, I have found that I may have Asperger's Syndrome, but I am not entirely sure. I am lonely many of the times because I have hard time connecting and feeling as if people really understand me. Socializing is one of the hardest thing I have to do in this life. I have a hard time with eye contact and making friends. Sometimes, feeling lonely and misunderstood puts me into depression. I am just looking for a way to understand myself better. Do you think I may have Asperger's?

Thank you for reading

I am going through the same thing. I know I am high functioning, but I was never close to anyone in my family, ignored by them all, I felt like the embarrassment of the family. I down most of my time masturbating to feel good because I found it relieved my stress and I was always in high stress. My parents were always doing drugs and I never had anyone to bond with, my cousins made fun of me, I was always left out and I just couldn't find my words. I was raised in front of a television and I learned how to speak by mimicking and began using the same phrases to normal questions asked and cannot speak without writing out what I want to say.

I was bullied all my life, every woman who asked me out(too shy so I was approached) slept with me first day or the next and was married to a woman who never kissed me and was repulsed at my presence, had high heels (never seen her walk a day in her life in heels) lingerie (never seen her wear it for me) and always stayed home when me and kids went out as a family and I realized what was happening and then I was discharged by my supervisor in the military who were visiting my home along with military police when I was not home and have the worst bullying story you will ever read about.

My life has been decades of mental abuse, public humiliation, and a source of entertainment for people around me, who would target me and I even was coerced to expose myself sexually on sites were I was speaking not to strangers but people who knew me.

I have served in the Army as an infantryman and deployed to Iraq and not only did Iraqi want to kill me, but everyone I was with. I have been bullied by everyone and nobody has come forward to help me. I am offered a job then I am made to feel so uncomfortable I quit. If I say anything I am the one who is the problem and nobody wants me in my community.

I never had been diagnosed but after meeting my nephew who is on spectrum and researching autism, I found out where I belong and because of what I did there is no recovery for me. I have been sentenced by my community to life in exile with no parole.

The autism awareness and t shirts that are being sold are equivalent to the yellow ribbon people place on vehicle that says they support our troops. Yet 22 soldier a day kill themselves, why? Because we don't support our troops.

I fought for freedom and our way of life, but I have no life here on this planet. I have no voice , no chance, no hope. The reality is you can be tormented and nothing you say or do will change it. You won't be able to prove it, police will not believe you, nobody will because we are autistic and our views are not accepted by anyone they are dismissed as irrational and out of proportion. We will always be victimized, and silenced. Land of the free?

Please get diagnosed if you haven't and don't use the internet. We are not safe online and are not safe with humans. We are aliens and if you ever seen a movie with aliens you know it never ends well for us. Good luck to you all, I am going home

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi Cottoncandy,

Also my first post! I've been creeping on these forums whenever I feel blue for years now tho, so I hope you'll consider my opinion.

A few years back I was wondering the same thing you are now. I'd had a really hard time at certain aspects of my life that seemed natural to everyone else, like dating and making close friends, and I did not feel at home anywhere or with anyone. Then I found out about AS, which got me curious and led me here, and you know what I concluded? It doesn't matter if I'm on the spectrum or the broader phenotype or whatnot, fact is I identify with this community and share the same difficulties as its members, and it makes me feel better about it to know I'm not alone. I hope WP can do the same for you.

You should consider asking a doctor about it, I never did, mostly out of fear that any official label would single me out anymore than I already am, but perhaps you'll feel differently about it.

Welcome to WP!

Thanks

On my behalf, welcome to WP. c:

looks like its already working

Hi and welcome

A good place to start with your doubts and uncertainties, is the Baron-Cohen Autism Quotient 50 question quiz/test. There are plenty of test sites, the one I've found reliable is maintained by Cambridge University https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/arc_tests
Take it in small steps, give yourself time to consider the results and think, and if you come to the conclusion that a formal diagnosis might be of help, there's your next step

All the best,

Hi cottoncandy--

Yes, probably so. The difficulty socializing, and difficulty with eye-contact, are things that I've been experiencing all my life.

Michael869

Hallo cottoncandy! I hope you enjoy being here at WrongPlanet and maybe make friends on the forum as well! In my opinion, this is a pretty nice community, and I wish you a happy thanks for joining with us!

Good luck to you,

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on September 2, 2017)

If you're anything like me, you'll have been analysing social interactions for a while. As Moshe Ben Yehuda said, trying those tests developed by Baron-Cohen will give a good indication. I used the same tests when I was wondering myself.

At my age I'm not sure how much an actual diagnosis helped, as there aren't many support services for Aspie Adults. I have also been unsuccessful in finding groups of people like me, but this is probably much harder when you get older. If you've been bluffing your way through the NT world for a long time you probably aren't around many people like you.

If you're aware of things when you are younger I believe you probably have a better chance of finding the right people or at least accepting that you aren't particularly social, and it isn't your fault that friendship is a difficult thing to achieve.

Sound advice...Oh and welcome