Rediagnosed with Aspergers after years of not belieiving it

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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 2 Oct 2017
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02 Oct 2017, 4:59 am

I got diagnosed with Aspergers as a kid. My younger self didn't believe the diagnosis and didn't care for social skills. I also got the sense that the therapist's I met weren't to be trusted. She would tell me to stop rocking back and forth a lot — and not doing so made me panic. She'd tell me people would laugh at me if I don't act normal. Another therapist said I was manipulating my mother with my meltdowns. I begged my mom to stop making me go to these things — I was scared of them — and she willingly accepted the request.

I'd have problems with anxiety and depression for a few years. My mom said I was a bad kid for having meltdowns so I didn't talk to her. Didn't talk to anyone about it for a long time. The pursuit, philosophy and study of happiness became my special interest. I know multiple therapies that applied to me in detail, I've read on different views of happiness from around the world whether from the Chinese or the Ancient Roman and Greeks, read views of happiness from different religions, studied the psychology of happiness and mental health and so on with an obsession that often lasted hours straight.

I came back a few years after as a Senior Highschool student — more matured after being able to cure a depression and looking for something to do about my intense noise sensitivity. After clearing up much of my anxieties and insecurities, I thought the sensitivity would stop but it didn't. I'd talk to my guidance counselor to get me a therapist for it — she was the most accepting woman I knew in my life and she was the first person I talked to about my problems in real life for years. She also made my parents more accepting of me. I got diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and got re diagnosed with Aspergers.

I didn't believe it at first — but then I read the symptoms. Reflected on my past. Put those symptoms in mind as I go about my daily life. Noticed how many things other people seem to get about things socially that I don't. And well — damn. I have it. I was shocked at first — including lots of tears — but after a week or two, I accepted it after using my collection of conveniently prepared mental health treatments made for highly specific fears, situations and emotions.

I came here to meet people with this condition too. Understand it more to know how to adapt. Also, out of all my hobbies, I'm still obsessed with the study of happiness. I wonder if understanding this all can make me understand that too. Other than this obsession, I switch some obsessions every few months. These days I'm researching about the future predictions of humanity for some reason in different fields.

Eh. I'll figure it out. Life showed me that I can figure stuff out after all.

I'll learn what I can from you guys and maybe I can teach you guys some about my obsessions too. You can ask me about it on this thread if you want — damn, I know how many people are interested in being happy, that's for sure. You would certainly not be the first one to ask.

Well, see ya around.

PS : Anyone can give me any good internet resources on Aspergers?



underwater
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02 Oct 2017, 8:41 am

I can well understand that you were in denial due to the less than helpful therapists - it goes to show that early diagnosis is not particularly helpful if the therapy given is not of the right kind.

See if you recognize yourself in this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy3jYIqRIJg

This is the blog I keep returning to: https://musingsofanaspie.com/

Welcome!


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thebelgradebelief
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02 Oct 2017, 2:01 pm

Welcome to WP. Sorry you've had such a struggle in your life like that. I'm glad you were able to rediscover a part of yourself. Amythest Schaber's Ask an Austistic series is a really great resource for learning more about autism.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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02 Oct 2017, 3:41 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 2 Oct 2017
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Posts: 27

04 Oct 2017, 7:39 am

Haha. Thanks for anyone who welcomes me here! Thanks for the resources too.

I wasn't able to go back to this yesterday since I came home with sensory overload and needed some rest. But I'm alright now. At least I don't really have much sources of stress other than my sensory sensitivities. Even when I'm in overload, there's a mismatch between how my mind feels and my body feels. My mind stays entirely calm, happy and satisfied while my body gets withdrawn, stressed, and exhausted.

I've read some of the resources here and these are pretty validating. Makes me wonder what would have happened if I found this all out sooner. I could have done something about all the guilt I felt back then and looking back — how much of my stresses were due to misunderstanding the social sphere on a large margin.

Eh. I'll keep searching through these resources to see what I can find. The past can't be changed after all. All what's left is now and I sure as hell going to use that.