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Hello all. I am a mid-30’s male who recently realized I’m possibly somewhere on the spectrum. I’ve been lingering around on the forums, reading through different posts but this is my first post. I have no real need to be officially diagnosed, other than to satisfy a suddenly nagging curiosity to determine if ASD is the explanation for how I see and interact with the world.

A little bit about myself: I am a design engineer with a degree in Mechanical Engineering from one of the more reputable engineering schools in the US. I went through all 16 years of schooling easily, with essentially 4.0 GPA in both high school and college. I was hired for my first engineering job immediately after graduating from college, and continue to be employed to this day. I am married, with no children, with a very loving and supportive family that I get along with well. I have a few friends: one from elementary school, a couple from high school, and a few that I’ve come to know through my work career. The common theme amongst my friends are shared interests in activities/hobbies. I enjoy watching and playing sports (especially golf and baseball), and enjoy hiking/backpacking.

Now for the more aspie related things about me:
Social abilities - Not terrible, but definitely not great
I’ve never been a social butterfly. I’ve gradually gotten more comfortable in social situations, but I generally over-estimate my ability to deal comfortably with people. For example, I might commit to go to a party/function with friends, but become increasingly disinterested in attending as the event gets closer. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don’t, but if I do go I usually settle in and have a good time.
I do not generally enjoy crowds. I can deal with them at sporting events or something I’m very interested in, but sometimes I lose my cool navigating in and out of the arena or the like. I enjoy visiting national parks, but intentionally avoid the most busy times of year or times of day so I can enjoy more peace and quiet.
I feel most at ease in social situations where I know enough about the other people to be able to laugh/cut-up. If I don’t know the other people, or if joking is not particurlarly appropriate, I’m not comfortable and tend to feel very awkward.
I am not a fan of idle chit chat. I’ve been told that I am very direct and to the point in business conversations, which is usually looked at favorably. My family tends to be more chatty than me, and have noticed that I don’t call to ‘just talk’. We live in the same town and attend the same church, and I’m content to see them each Sunday and talk for a few minutes.
Not a big fan of eye contact. I’ve been told I have a fairly expressionless face at most times. I seem to know when to smile during idle conversation/joking, but not necessarily when exchanging pleasantries. I’m not sure I’ve ever done much expression wise to convey sadness/commiseration with others.
Stimming/Sensory
I don’t generally have sensory issues. I don’t like long sleeved shirts or having to wear a tie because I feel to constricted, and occasionally I feel overly sensitive to temperature, but otherwise no significant problems. My hearing has been tested at below average.
I have a tendency to drive past places I’ve passed countless times before, and remark that something is new, only to be told that it’s been there for years.
I think that I stim constantly. I frequently “twiddle” receipts, small pieces of paper, my wedding ring, and if those aren’t available, I’ll fiddle with a pen or pencil or play with the hem of my shirt or shirt sleeve, or shuffle a deck of cards. I did not realize how pervasive this was until recently.
I am still prone to meltdowns. I’m generally better at handling these than when I was a child, but they do still happen. Frequent triggers are frustrations playing golf, or when I tend to get hung up/burned out on a single topic and start to feel overwhelmed and/or trapped. I’ve been close to a meltdown on more than one occasion today, for instance, reading through ASD materials and trying to figure out where I stand.
Special Interests
When I was a child, I had an obsession with adding machines/calculators.
My mother has told me that I frequently read through encyclopedias/yearly almanacs.
I had an interest in computer programming at an early age, but no way to act on that interest other than reading books.
Developed a golf board game while in middle school that I played for hours on end.
Memorized winners, winning scores, and host courses for most golf major championships in high school.
Today, I seem more well rounded. I read lots of wikipedia articles and non-fiction books, but not necessarily in any one area. I do still seem to ‘collect’ information about national parks, golf courses, hiking trails, mountain heights, etc. I also spent a few years earning my private pilot’s license and flying airplanes for fun. And of course, for the past two weeks I’ve been reading non-stop about ASD.
I do tend to have ‘one sided conversations’’ about these interests, but only with my wife or other people I know very, very well. I usually realize all too late that she is not interested in my discussion.
Systemizing
I have a need/desire to ‘list’ things. Tallest mountains, favorite/best rock bands, favorite songs, etc. I only recently realized this is not necessarily something that other people do frequently.
I tend to see all things in black/white, right/wrong. I give lip service to allowing others to have their own opinion, but religiously try to convince them that my opinion is the right one. Occasionally, the other person gets annoyed with this, it seems.
I have a tendency to rely on a set system of ‘calculations’ to make decisions. Baseball strategies, stock/investment choices, etc. are all thoroughly researched and emotionless decisions.

Now on to my online test scores. I am not a fan of online ‘Take this quiz to find out your spirit animal’ tests, but I searched for and took a few online tests, and was shocked at the consistency of the results.

AQ Test - 35 to 38
RAADS-R - 152, over threshold in all areas
Aspie Quiz - I don’t remember the exact score, but my aspie score was ~135/200. NT was lower than 100, and result was ‘very likely neurodiverse’
EQ - 15
SQ - 98
Reading the mind in films - 12
Face recognition tests - I don’t have much issue scoring average or slightly above on these, but they do seem to be overly dramatic. However, in reading the mind through the eyes, on one example I guess ‘flirtatious’ while the actual answer was something more along the lines of ‘concerned’.

A couple of anecdotal pieces of information that I read about that seem to be more prevalent in people with ASD: I have low melatonin and had issues with insomnia and ‘jet lag’ until I started taking supplemental melatonin about 1.5 years ago, and I also have a tendency to sit like the people in this article.

Now for some things that I think would most likely disqualify me for a clinical diagnosis, but possibly also rule me out from being on the spectrum altogether.

Clinically Significant Impairment - As I mentioned, I did well in school, have a good job, am happily married, and have been employed throughout my ‘working life’. I did leave my last job, however, because they continued to push me into management roles with more and more responsibility. I was apparently good at managing a team of people, but I did not enjoy it, and was very uncomfortable. After a couple of years, I began to slip into a pretty deep depression. I left that job, and after about 1 year at my current job I finally pulled out of my depressive state and have been back to normal since (about 2 years).
Motor skills - I have always been an average to slightly above average athlete, with no significant clumsiness. I played several sports growing up and was at worst passable. Golf is my best sport and I am probably better than about 80-85% of golfers. In most sports, I made up for any lack of physical skills with hard work and ‘reading the game’. I am, however, terrible at volleyball. Also, I’ve been told my handwriting is abysmal.

Anyway, that feels like a lot of information. I’d like to turn to this community for some outside feedback to help me understand where I stand. I realize no one will be able to provide ideal information without knowing me better, but hopefully folks on the site know of similar people who were or were not diagnosed. Given the odds of anyone actually being on the spectrum are low, I tend to think I’m reading too much into my ‘quirks’ than what is actually there.

Thanks in advance for any feedback.

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