Acceptance

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How do you guys accept that you have aspergers and the limitations that come along with it?

TBH, i just did.

After having dated for nearly 9 years, i stopped pretending to be able to find love and live like everyone else and created a way of life for myself, if i want to watch youtube videos all day, i do that. If i want to go walk a trail (which i will do this summer), i can do that. Living an alternative life almost feels better than living the life everyone else has lived over a gazillion times.

It's liberating and keeps me away from thinking of that i will die alone, probably earlier than most others because no one will be there, by my side to call an ambulance.

I want to be a loner for the rest of my life. I'd rather be by myself than be awkward in social situations. All I'm capable of is intellectual conversations and off beat humor and I don't wanna do that. My desire is to joke around with neurotypical guys and flirt with neurotypical girls. I was never able to do that and I finally understand why. It's too bad I didn't find out about my ASD sooner cause I would have had more time to adjust to it and accept it. Now I'm very depressed and have little motivation to do well in school cause I'm gonna be a loner so what's the point. I no longer enjoy anything and all I can do is vent, go for walks and smoke cigarettes.

When I first heard about aspergers, it was such a ‘no duh that’s you’ moment for me, there wasn’t any stress. I’d already learned how to handle mine through multiple life experiences.

When I was still teaching, I had a young man as a student, who had it so good. He was smart, handsome, charming, from a wealthy loving family... then, when he was twelve, he was kicked in the head by a horse. His memory was ruined, his intelligence dropped down from gifted to special, he had a giant scar on his face - his easy old life was gone forever. I thought of him when my son was first diagnosed downs, and later autistic. No one gets through life without facing limitations or challenges of some kind or another. The trick isn’t avoiding the tough times, its knowing you have the inner strength to handle them, and you can build up that inner strength.

It was easy to accept. Overwhelming, but easy to accept.
I spent a month laughing and crying at the same time as I reflected on my life because it suddenly made sense.
The rest of the year since then has been difficult on many levels.

That's the shortest, clearest way I can say it right now.

There are limitations in everyone's life. I'm just glad now all those limitations make sense. I was 63 before I learned I had ASD. I have no idea if it would have been better or worse if I had learned about it earlier. It feels like I learned it at the right time for me, if that makes sense.

I've accepted my Aspergers now but it took time, as I used to pretend that it wasn't really there.

Previously I resented it as I felt it was an additional hurdle to get over in order to make any progress in interacting with other people. It almost felt like a voice in the back of my mind constantly self-analysing my conversations with people, and also predicting what people may say to me and the correct things I have to say back. After a while this caused more problems than it solved as it affected my body language and my emotional state without me even realising it.

In the end, I realised how much anxiety this was causing me. I decided to stop hoping that people will think I'm 'normal' and like me, and instead become more honest both with others and myself about my Aspergers. I was more or less fighting my own mind, never thinking that my Aspergers is a part of me, but a disease in me that I needed to get rid of. Now I acknowledge that its there, it may have an effect on how I think, talk or act, but I can't change that and I also don't want to, as when I tried to act like it wasn't there I ended up feeling worse.