I was formally diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum about 8 months ago. I’m currently 34. That said, I have been taking meds and seeking therapy for a myriad of issues, such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD since I was 5 years old. After taking the test, I realized it was very similar to tests that I received from school special ed programs throughout middle and high school that I were told were “IQ” tests, while my parents were never told about them at all. After getting in touch with my school district and obtaining my special education records, I found out that these were indeed autism tests. In fact, the school had diagnosed me as being on the autism spectrum in 9th grade, so as to correctly provide this information to other teachers so they could handle me and my social issues better. I was never told of this, nor were my parents. This was simply the school covering their own rear end legally if I was to ever become violent or cause a mass shooting.
And you want to know the crazy part? I’m kind of glad they didn’t.
Since I received my autism diagnosis, I haven’t felt free. In fact, I’ve felt the exact opposite, locked inside of a prison cell with a giant label on it stating that this is who I am and everything I will be. That I will never be able to experience life from a neurotypical perspective. That I will be judged and criticized by others who will naturally only see the label and not the person behind it.
I once read something, I forgot where, but it has always stuck with me. “When you name a thing, you normalize a thing”. The label of autism has me stuck inside of a box. But when I didn’t have it, when I was “gaslighting” as you put it and felt I was neurotypical, THAT’S when I truly felt free. With no labels, I therefore had no limits. My behaviors and my social issues were therefore under my own control, and I could therefore learn to overcome them. I then went on to get my MA in communications, I have a job, a home, a beautiful wife and daughter. And I never needed an IEP, never needed special assistance. I was able to solve and overcome my problems on my own. Now I’m certainly not saying this is the case for everyone with autism. But in my case, not knowing I had it was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me.
07 Aug 2018, 11:21 pm
