Hello from the maze...

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I'm american, in my 40's. Have always been "different". Never understood social stuff well, although I've fought my (pretty terrified) way through it and done the best I could. Thank the gods for my beautiful programming partners who are very patient with my aspie-ness.

I've been in IS for most of my life, and been very, very successful. However, my shop has moved to agile programming methodologies (which I helped campaign for). Sitting with a programming partner 9x5 has provided me (and my partners) with some intense challenges.

I just found out about AS. A coworker left a link to OASIS on my desk -- I think they were being funny -- but when I started reading it was like an explosion in my head.

I'm not lazy, I'm not willfully stupid, I'm not nuts, there's a good reason I don't understand what other people are saying (or more, leaving unspoken), there's a reaon I get lost in dictionaries and don't come out for days, why I understand all the big words and miss the big picture, why I can spot 2 basic facial expressions and my most common question is "are you ok with me?", a hundred different things that didn't make sense to my NT (mostly) family, or myself, the whole time I was growning up...

So, I'm in the process of finding my way through the health care maze, on my way to a diagnosis. Silly me, I thought I'd be able to open the phone book to the nurse's referral service and be on my way I keep asking my family "what if the dr. doesn't see that I'm AS?" And they keep saying, "that's you, we'll find another dr if that happens".

I am in love with myself for the first time in my life, because I have an INCLUSIVE picture of myself.

The first thing I got asked when I was looking for diagnosis is "why? You're 40 and successful at what you do." And I keep saying because of agile programming, because the outside is more successful than the inside.

I'm not sure which link lead me here. I'm interested in meeting other people and hearing their stories and talking my way through my own.

I am obsessed with dogs and training them, most things about how animals learn and working with them, watching animals and people, web services programming (I can get evangelical about it with no provocation ), mobile computing, making music (play any woodwind), and the pokemon metagame.

I am married (on #5) and have two grown sons, one of whom is a very successful, personable Dx HFA.

Thanks for the site and the forum! Lot of information and looks like a good place to sit and learn and have fun.

Stephan (female, despite the name!)

Aspegers and Programming seems
to go hand and hand! What do you
program?



What kind of intensities have disturbed you?
What kind of intensities have you thrived with?



I have gone to Oasis and was glad I found wrongplanet.
Oasis is toooooo! PG13 for my taste(politeness and autism
don't always make a effective combination)



In my later(age 36) pre-autism awareness days
I spent months dissecting Harry Potter schematics
using Rowlings Books and and pen and Blankbook
dissecting dialogue and language, sublte character
hints. I can see this obsessive hiding behind
texts and books!



Here is the part I am going to dissect!

How old are you? I say 45?
What were your younger NT-confusion traits?
How have you older NT-confusion traits developed?
I will probe later......!



Facts that I know of......
PDD-NOS neutral traits of both autism
(learning disabilities in mild form)
and AS(habitual traits in minor form)

HFA is delayed, say 2 years language and
other skills that required re-learning intervention
by ages 3-6.

Aspergers is walking genius with minimal social
ediquette and communication skills.

Here is another way of looking at it......
"I think therefore I say" but confuse you=HFA
"I think therefore say nothing" thus ignore you!=AS
"I think therefore say, but show hesitance
in one form or another to fully convey it" and still
confuse you=A possible PDD-NOS



Don't fear the diagnoses! Just let it happen!



Hi! I am Ghosthunter and 39. I was recently
outed by my prior Quizno employer!



That's why we are here!



You should have a lot in common here then.
Talk to Postperson about dogs! She is from
Austrailia and I think you may have something
in common!



Perk!! my(G.H) ears perk up! What are his
character trait? How do they differ from yours?
Hmmmmm? Fascinating!



And welcome to WrongPlanet! I am just a itsy!
bitsy! curious? How long were you lurking?
You sound well lurked and that is completely
cool! I am just curious? Cool!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Welcome to Wrong Planet (or The Right Place)! Your post really holds a lot of points I can really relate to. I am also in my 40's, working, married with a son, dog, cat, gecko and 10 turtles.

I hope you like it here!

Welcome to WP!! !

GROAAAAAR! here, have a cookie.

Most of my life I've done assembler (various flavors). Some of a bunch of other languages and pseudo-languages. Now mostly java and python clients and services.


Well, when you pair program, that means two warm bodies in front of the same workstation, designing, creating, testing and implementing the same code at the same time; each of you bringing your unique perspective to the process. Which means, typically, one of you is driving (typing/controlling), both of you are talking and the whole thing is very dynamic.

Since programming has traditionally been solitary (at least the coding part), there is no old, common, vocabulary for the act of programming (like there is for making music or, say, sports). So what happens is that each pair has to find their way. Its easy to struggle for dominance, especially when we are all very good at what we do, and sure we are on the right track. It's also hard to communicate the direction we're going, or where our thought process has already been.

And that's if everybody is NT.

I find that it is doubly hard for me, given that I start out on a different plane from most of my partners. My mind is very quick at dicarding and attaching options. It's hard for me to find a common starting point to explain things without having to backtrack a lot, which is tedious, and frustrating. It's hard for them to trust me (that's just part of being an analyst), and my frustration and anxiety levels spike easily anyway.

I tend to mis-interpret their facial expressions, especially not being able to tell concentration from boredom from irritation, etc.

And then there's that thing that I can only stand to interact directly with people for a limited time, and tend to mentally wander away at the first hint of boredom or any of the 10K more distracting and interesting things that are going on in my own head or waiting to be googled.

AMEN BROTHER ! !!

Keep away from me with that OED! Keep back!

Most of my NT confusion when young was when at some point I discovered that I did not processed information like other people, and that most of what they were doing either was a great waste of time to figure out, and when I did figure it out it was trivial and deadly boring.

And they were ALWAYS misssing the patterns and rhythms in things that were (and still are!) vital to me. Doesn't everybody automatically turn words backward, upside down and 2-compliment shift them to see what happens?

At first I thought everyone was reading at 2 (I was) and my baby book is full of junk like me using the word "aggravated" in context at 6 months old.

But I never could believe I was that different from other people. I think my lack of understanding of facial expressions kept me from understanding that I was different until kids started punching me in grade school. That was a bit hard to mistake

I do a much better job of "faking" NT now, although it is only effective for short exchanges (like waitresses and bank tellers). My cover is blown in under 5 minutes I basically have a much easier time discerning what dogs and horses are telling me than people. Some time around 30 it occured to me that I could mimic other people fairly effectively short term. It extends to body posture and tics as well, since I'm better at observing than filtering

And of course, it's too tedious to do it long term, so I drop it as soon as possible and abruptly start being myself, which is disconcerting for the people I'm around at work.

Grrrr that sooo sucks. At least the people I work with are fascinated by my (probable) AS and have been studying and working with me. I have just finished my first EVER completely friction-less week at work. I thank whatever gods that be that I have lucked into the combination of employer, trade and interests that landed me where I am.

My son? He's language delayed, but was playing pente and chess by 3. Stimmed on a thousand things. Was a rocker and hair-twister. He decided on the level of counselling he wanted, and made the most of it. He is very personable, works as a security guard (great big tall guy), and on a help desk. He lost most of his rhythmic behaviours by 12, except when he was very tired or transitioning between sleep and wakefulness.

I lurked for almost a month. It took me awhile to work up to posting And I like to learn about a board before I post.

Black Liger "WRRROAR!" back at'cha' -- thanks.

Looking forward to talking with you all.

Oatwillie, I have one horse, 9 dogs, 2 rats, an african gray parrot (the real king of the world), and nasty, evil pionus parrot, various fish and anoles, and a sonorran gopher snake that I think is the most beautiful beast on earth. I can't even name her -- it would be like naming a sunrise. She's like something mythical. I've seen geckos like that.

What kind of turtles? I had a sulcata named Bump that lives with one of the kids now.

Everybody -- Thanks for the welcome.

warm furries to all!

What a captivating description of your friend the gopher snake! Our gecko is of the marble variety and very handsome. The "turtles" are actually terrapins and enjoy life in the backyard.
I like birds, too. Even nasty, evil parrots!

ashkelon, you really sound a lot like me. Not that I'm a programmer (I prefer hardware ).

With me it's birds rather than dogs. Birds this, birds that, don't ask me a question about birds because I could be at the keyboard for hours haha! I keep birds and am very much into parrot behaviour and training, and yes I can tell by posture, vocalisations, eyes, and behaviour how my birds are feeling. My theory is that it's easier with animals because their body-language is completely unambiguous and therefore less complex.

Finding out about AS was, for me, a bit of a struggle in terms of how I viewed myself and my place in the world. I think I am sorting it out in my head now! I had spent at least 10 years beforehand explaining my eccentricities as "my brain's wired up wrong" so you'd have thought that adjusting to information about AS would have been easier for me.

Anyway that's enough rambling from me, welcome to wrong planet

Thanks for the welcome, and I'm glad to meet someone who knows about birds. I have a bunch of parrot behaviour questions... The most trivial and nagging being why does the smartest bird I know -- my gray -- with the most wonderful, true, use of language, most commonly tell dogs, people and other birds to "Shut up!" --most often by name.

I love parrots. They are so evil and witty and fragile and kind at the same time. And such powerful personalities. MarMar (self-named gray) is not, by any means, a pet.

When I look into his hot, pinning, yellow eye, I thank the gods that I am loved by him and birds are not big enough to eat us -- if they were, Tigers? Pffft.

Hi, Stephan. Welcome to our little community! We are one heck of a group.

Wow I would love to get to know a parrot. I have read such amazing things about them. They seem like an animal that one could actually have some form of relationship with, rather than the simple "Feed me, play with me" of many other critters.

Of course I hear that they require a substantial amount of teaching before one can hold a full conversation with them!

Welcome. I feel exactly the same way as you - I am 29 but have known about this for a year or two and am only just sorting myself out. I have an appointment with the Doc tomorrow about it... hopefully to get a referral. If he says "no" then I will just ask to be transferred to another doctor since most GP's don't know anything about aspies and a well informed doctor would understand that referral to a specialist is the only way forward.

I expect they were frightened to suggest this to you directly in case you were offended. They probably toyed with the dilema a long time before they decided to leave the link on your desk anonymously. They knew enough about aspergers to see it in you and took the time find a "gentle" site to refer you to. They may have it themselves and are frightened to approach you about it.

I am happy you found wrong planet!

I've had 4 parrots. Two old (got them when they were 50, lived 20 more years) amazons, a pionus and the african gray. The gray is more intelligent and introspective than the amazons. They were intentionally sillier, and much more physical. The gray is a thinker and rather clumsy (he falls down a lot). He likes to play with sounds and words, but it's real easy to tell when he's just playing with the sound of a word and when he really wants to talk about something.

One thing I've learned about (at least my) parrots. The love to give orders. They don't ask, they tell. And everything is on their terms. The amazons would lie and think it was funny. "Come kiss the little birdy" meant they were trying to get somebody close enough to bite them. And they would laugh like mad, whirl and squeal, when they did! The gray's more likely to say "Shove over, dumb*ass! You wanna get bit?".

They are great, but very, very complicated compared to my dogs. And much more invested in themselves than anything I've been around other than people.

WOW you're into parrots too, how cool

I have a senegal, still a youngster - he is not a huge talker, but very very intelligent. And manipulative and conniving and attention seeking and loyal to me beyond belief. He's only bitten me once when a sudden noise startled him, but he has attempted to take chunks out of almost everyone else who's been daft enough to go near him.

An example of how intelligent and manipulative he can be... one of my budgies once had a night fright and hurt his wing falling off his perch in the dark. Fortunately it was only bruised with a couple of flights pulled out, but it was sore and he was holding it out from his body which prompted me to give him a thorough examination and a lot of attention and I took the morning off work to make sure he was OK. Now the senegal is extremely jealous of any attention the budgies get from me, and was not happy about this at all. The next morning when I said goodbye to him to go to work, he started making little whining noises and held his wing out from his body in an attempt to delay me leaving while I gave him attention. It worked a couple of times when he tried this as he was very convincing.

As far as your grey telling others to shut up, I used to have a budgie that would do that, going as far as to tell himself to shut up when he was making a lot of noise! I think it was a phrase he heard a lot in our house, directed towards him as well as myself and my brother He's the only talking budgie I've ever had (out of about 15) and the intelligence he displayed in his use of the language he learned was astounding, using words and phrases in context and applying them to new but similar situations in a correct manner.

They really are amazing creatures