Finally diving in

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Hello all,

I have recently started to suspect that I am neurodiverse in some way. I have an assessment scheduled for the summer, but having mixed feelings. The combination of the cost and the not knowing how a diagnosis will help (or not) has me still waffling on whether I will seek official diagnosis or not. Nevertheless, I have come to accept that I can't keep waffling on accepting this: I need to talk about my experience of neurodiversity, learn from others with more experience, and just face the fact that I am not a total broken, mental health disaster, but rather just different from most people I have encountered. Not knowing this while having been different all of my life, along with the constant effort to pretend that I am not different has worn me down significantly to the point where for at least the past 2 years I feel much of my abilities are slipping away.

I am in my mid-40s, and I believe perimenopause was the event that shook everything up enough to crack the facade. Meltdowns increased, sensory overload increased, my ability to communicate decreased (which is one reason why it has taken me 6 months to post this...oh, and denial.) I am married with 2 kids, and I suspect ASD throughout.

So I have come here to learn more about ASD, come to understand my own special flavor of ASD, and to connect with others in a way that I can be honest about how I experience the world.

Thank you all for being here and offering this space so generously.

Hi and a very warm welcome to you .

Welcome. I hope you find some answers here

Welcome to WP! I think you will find some nice people here.

And, regarding your mixed feelings, I can't tell you what you will experience but I can tell you what I experienced.

I always felt sort of "separate". I didn't feel I was different (why would I? I had a sample size of one), but I felt the world was treating me differently. Specifically, the world was being a little mean to me. And I knew bullies liked to pick on me but I had no idea how they all knew I was the one they were supposed to pick on.

By my 50's I was suspicious there might be some recognized medical difference between me and other people but I had no idea what it was.

I was 64 when an unlikely coincidence caused me to investigate a question I'd never considered before: Might I be autistic?!

After a few months of research by my bride and myself we concluded I probably was a high-functioning autistic. After a few months of getting past wrong information from my insurance company I was finally able to get an Adult Autism Assessment. It happened shortly before my 65th birthday.

The psychologist diagnosed me as Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) and meeting the criteria formerly associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

I was delighted! So much now made sense!

And then we got a pandemic so I haven't really had the opportunity to discover what it is like to be an Aspie. I don't know how it will affect my relationship with others. Of course, "others" just means the ones I share the info with--I am under no obligation to share the info with anyone other than my bride.

From a practical standpoint--yeah, not much change there. I was hoping I could get my medical providers (I am old!) to adjust their communication styles to work better for me, but so far no luck. Other than that, I don't foresee any practical benefits (or problems). I'm still happily married (21+ years, so far!) and happily retired (ten years, so far!).

With or without the diagnosis I am the same person. And, at least so far, for me, pretty much the only way the diagnosis has changed things is I'm happy to know!

Oh, one other change. Now when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I get to say "I have a doctor's note for that!" (Somehow this amuses me more than it amuses her.)

I wish you happiness no matter what happens.

Hello and welcome. Oh, and I like your username.

Hello there and welcome to the forums

Thanks so much for the warm welcome and sharing your experience! It really does help to read about other people's experiences. Even when there is not a full-blown moment of resonance, I find reading others people stories has me asking questions about my own experience in ways I had not considered and challenging me to find words to describe that experience.

For instance, just when you mention the idea of separateness, my mind goes running to past experiences where I think others would have perceived as a clear and obvious difference/separation between me and others, and yet, I was oblivious of it all in so many ways. Or maybe it was not oblivious, as much as I really didn't care or believe in "separate." I have learned that my ability to sincerely treat all people the same, to see all people as the same, to not consider status, or power dynamics, or anything like ...well, I hear that is not a common trait among NT.

And thanks to all for the warm welcome! I am happy and nervous about sharing here. I have not been on a forum in a looooooooooooooong time, and I don't have social media...so this is feeling all new.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WPea!