Hello. I'm James.

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I am undiagnosed, but fairly certain I have Aspergers and I'm fairly certain my 6 year old daughter does too. In fact it's been through watching her early years development and behavioural irregularities that I've come to better understand my own behaviour both as a child and into adulthood (I'm 41 now).

Last year I made some attempts at getting a diagnosis - it suddenly seemed important to me. I was referred by my doctor to the local specialists but I got a message back from them a few weeks later saying they didn't want to see me because it didn't sound like my issues were severe enough and they wouldn't be able to do much to help anyway. I spoke to my GP again and he agreed to advocate for me, and I was going to write out a load of stuff to support my case, life experiences and so on...but I never did it.

Why? I felt rejected, a bit I suppose. Like I'd been judged. I'm prone to feeling that people aren't believing me when I talk about anything so it kind of plays into that. Of course they haven't judged me specifically - they haven't assessed me at all. I also felt somehow at that moment that it was less important that I get diagnosed. And with Covid-19 going on I did feel like my problems weren't very serious in light of the bigger picture.

I don't know if I will go back to trying to get a diagnosis. I can't afford to do it privately and I don't know if I have the resilience to get past all the NHS gatekeepers.

I will certainly be trying to get my daughter properly assessed though as soon as Covid-19 is under control. If she can grow up at least understanding why she is the way she is I feel like that has to be better than growing up mystified and increasingly self-critical as I did.

I find it almost impossible to make and keep friends. I have a partner of 18 years who is my sole friend really. There have been other people but they've all fallen by the wayside. It often seems that if I don't make contact with people who I think of as friends, they will never reach out to me. I test this sometimes and it bears out. I assume this means they are happy for the friendship to fade away, like they're not getting enough out of it to make any effort to keep it alive. I've talked to some people about it and they've told me that they're never sure how I feel about them - whether I like them or not. Weirdly, my mum once told me that this was also how my grandmother felt about me. I've concluded that there's something other people do to transmit this information that I don't do. I've not been able to work out what this might be.

I've gone on so I'll stop there. But I'm looking forward to reading more of this forum. What I've seen so far has made me feel a bit less weird, and even more certain I have some ASD going on in here.

Welcome to WP! No matter what your diagnosis status is I think you will find some nice folk here.

I cannot offer any useful comments to you. Sorry.

Something you may or may not find interesting is the Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test.

I hope you get satisfactory resolution to your concerns for both you and your daughter.

Welcome to WP!

Thankyou for this. I hadn't tried that before. I scored 33 so that was illuminating. Not conclusive I understand but another piece of evidence if I do pursue a diagnosis further.

I am glad to hear that. Hello and welcome.

May I suggest to learn a bit more about autism traits so you have an idea of if you need to be assessed or not? The reason why I say this is because I almost knew nothing about autism until I came on this site. I assumed that my "Oddness" was due to having an unusual upbringing (Which I am very greatful for), and parts of what I thought were my unique character I have since learned are autism traits. I never knew that... It is only reading what others have put on here that I realized that I knew what they were talking about through my own experiences!
Having traits does not mean one is on the spectrum though, but if one finds out more then one is better prepared to try to explain to doctors who can put forward more details to the ones who assess.

Maybe having your daughter put foeward to be assessed first is a good idea.

And if you are not on the spectrum but close, you could be a BAP which is someone who has traits but not enough to be on the spectrum.

I have not been assessed yet. I am on the waiting list to be assessed. When I asked my doctor (A doctor I had not seen before but is part of my doctors surgery) she asked for symptoms and I was hardly able to tell her anything. (I actually hit mindblank and my Mum took over. It took me two years to ask if I could be on the spectrum because every time I went to ask I hit mind blank and had to talk about something else instead. I had given up trying to ask when I saw something on Youtube called "Ask An Autistic" which I did not want to look at but I had watched everything else on a 3 day youtube spree about a condition I have called prosopragnosia, and the lad said about strong links with the autism spectrum, so I then had a renewed urge to find out if I was on the spectrum or not. So I brought my Mum in to speak if I hit mindblank and she did. I expected a there and then yes or no answer!
The doctor doubted I would be accepted because she did not have much to go on, but they did accept me and they have been a great help to me... Such a help that to be honest, I do not know if I could have survived this ling as I had hit several burnouts so I ended up jot being able to work. (Also having multiples of shutdowns when trying to work and partial shutdowns. I have had partial and full shutdowns nearly all my life and I never knew what they were or what was causing them. With the help of people on rhis site and one off this site I found out which has been a gigantic leap forward!)

Hi and welcome . If a diagnosis is what you feel you personally need, then I hope you eventually have that conclusion. I hope your daughter manages to cope okay in school(some cope better than others), but if she does require extra support and assistance, I hope she receives it.

That feeling that your Grandmother and others you’ve been acquaintances with mention, likely comes about if you’re not taking the initiative more and sharing with them on a regular basis. People fall away if they feel unimportant to you, even if they really mean alot to you. I’m sure we’ve all been there at one time or another. It just takes action on our part to make people feel important and appreciated to us.

Good to have you with us.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello, James, and welcome to Wrong Planet! I really hope that you and your daughter are able to get assessed. Maybe if she gets diagnosed it will be easier for you to get assessed, as there is often a genetic component to autism.

Welcome

Welcome to WP

I can relate to most of what you describe as your situation, there are resources on the web to make first level assessments, I did see a post around to another newcomer that had a link, cant remember where (I have short term memory loss due to burnout condition -sigh-)

There are nice people around, even aspies need time to start friendly relations, relax and keep at it even when you get sad or feel rejected. I'm at this stage myself.


Edit: Ahh, it was given in this thread for you

Welcome James. I've seen you in the art forum!

Hello! I can't offer any words of advice on your daughter. But it is great to hear of a parent who is actively looking out for that kind of thing. It's something I've thought about if I ever have kids, because I have spent most of my life with this vague sense of being "off" or "different." Even having language to describe it is empowering.

I was also rejected this year when I tried to get an adult diagnosis, though I'm in my 20s. I guess I am good at masking, but social behaviors usually feel put on and I froze trying to explain that to him. Pretty sure he didn't care and was just trying to get me on pills and out the door, don't even think we talked for an hour. But like you it has discouraged me from diving into another psych office.

I relate to the idea that people communicate in some additional way that I don't get. I don't really know people irl except for work acquaintances and family. Mostly that suits me just fine but sometimes I do feel alienated. I was like that as a kid too. I would just read a book when I was done with schoolwork instead of chatting to other kids. Just don't get the constant chatter.

Welcome

I went through the diagnosis dilemma myself after my daughter was diagnosed, but realised it wasn't worth it.

Thanks for saying hi, everyone. I feel very welcome and I wasn't sure I would with my self-diagnosed status.

I flip-flop on it. Sometimes I feel like I'm just making it up and would like to have an 'official' diagnosis. I would like the relief of knowing. But then I think even if I had a diagnosis, it wouldn't stop those doubts. And if a diagnosis said I don't have it, I probably wouldn't accept that either. So what would be the point?